The Beginnings - Part 164: EXPLORING NEW IDEAS

"Nothing’s a mystery,” she said crossly.  “Everything’s got an explanation, if you can find it.”
-Taylor Caldwell
A PROLOGUE TO LOVE

The Beginnings – Part 164:  EXPLORING NEW IDEAS

December 14, 1983, Wednesday

Salima and I wore black today.   It was a fun coincidence.   I love her carefree spirit.   She’s beautiful.

I ate lunch at MONICA’s and had a mushroom cheeseburger.   It was very good.  I needed it.

I received a message from Alexis.   We kept missing one another.   We eventually talked this evening.   She spoke of her friend, Ron, a male model, who is going to Paris.

She seemed scatter brained as she said, “I need to finish my Christmas Cards.”
We talked further about random people like Bill Helbush, my brother, John and his girlfriend, Sherri and Dave Vigil (of my office).   We discussed a possible Los Angeles trip for New Year’s Eve.   We just kept going on and on.  We were exploring new ideas.  Once again she brought up the possibility of a trip to Hawaii.  I liked this feeling of romantic rush.

Nici called me also.   She received my Christmas card also.   She was going to come over to my place to watch DYNASTY with me but she chickened out at the last minute when she heard that my brother, John, and Sherri would be here.   Cest la vie.

John and Sherri were lounging in the living room watching the Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour film:  SOMEWHERE IN TIME.

Dave Vigil liked my beige corduroy jacket today.   In fact, I received a lot of compliments about my black sweater too (from Ruben, Salima and Barbara).

I received a Christmas card from Barbara Reynolds yesterday.   Jim sent a card, too.   That was a surprise.

Tonight I am staying home to simply watch DYNASTY.   I will probably watch SOMEWHERE IN TIME also. 

Oh no…DYNASTY was cancelled tonight.   It’s time for bed.  I can dream about somewhere else in time…

NOTE:  The 007 Gentleman will be away on a global assignment for one year.   He has been devoted to a daily entry to this blog since November 9, 2008.  

Don’t despair as he will be busy, working on new surveillance photography and reading books for new material to enter here in this unique blog.   It is time to begin exploring new ideas.  There will be more to come from the late 1980s, the early 1990s and beyond when the 007 Gentleman returns in December 2013.   Hasta La Vista.

To Continue with The Beginnings you may simply backtrack by going to the BLOG Dated December 15, 2008 entitled: 

NOW AND THEN:  The True Joys of Life: 

It is here where I continued my ‘Twenty-five years ago entry’ dated December 15, 1983.

James Bond.  My Choice.

Dreams can be such dangerous things; they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes consume us completely.
-Arthur Golden,
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

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The Beginnings - Part 163: IT FELT SAFE

“The more miserable one is on the inside the more important it is to decorate the outside.”
-as heard while watching the 2002 series,

THE FORSYTE SAGA

The Beginnings – Part 163:  IT FELT SAFE

December 13, 1983, Tuesday

What can I say about work?   It was okay.  I sold eight custom calling features and won a calculator.  It would make an ideal gift for a mathematician.

I decided to telephone Bill Helbush.   I needed to mention the fact that my brother, John, and Sherri left the Townhouse last night and didn’t come back.   In hindsight, it’s clear that he could have spent the night (and with me in the same bed).

Bill had a serious tone, “I wonder if you called just to rub that in.”
I said, “No, I called to see how you were doing…and to find out what you were doing TONIGHT.”
He was still acting rather prudish as he made a snide remark:  “Well, I don’t know I have some growing-up to do.”
I know he said that just because of those two words I shouted at him last night:  “Grow Up!”
And so…now that some of our wrinkles have been ironed out I believe we are still going shopping on Saturday.   The CLOUD NINE play is still ‘ON’ for Saturday night as well.   However, the outlook of our future involvement is something that I am unsure of at this time.   While I enjoy Bill’s company I have trouble with his neutral sensibilities.   I like these sensibilities in him but I don’t see them in me.   I do see our parallels in toughness and kind heartedness. 
I ended the conversation with a mild, “Talk to you later.”
Bill had said, “I could see you anytime this week.  You could see me tonight…skating…or even Wednesday.  You could even come over here on Wednesday night.”
I have decided to NOT call him until I hear more endearing words.   I just wonder if the creep expected an apology from me.   Ha…well, there’s no chance of that!

I called Alexis after my talk with Bill.   Alexis and I made tentative arrangements for shopping tonight.   There will be no skating rink visit for me.

I was home and invited my brother, John, out for dinner.   He refused for some reason or another.   And so, I drove to San Francisco to meet Alexis after she called to confirm that she could go out. 
Alexis screeched, “I just LOVED the Christmas card you sent me!”
I loved hearing that.   I was only pissed-off because my cassette got stuck in the player.   It’s still stuck; however, I didn’t allow it to ruin our evening.   Alexis and I walked around Van Ness Avenue and Polk Street.   We went to Third Avenue where I bought myself two jackets and one sweater for one-hundred and fifty dollars.   We visited the gay clubs called RENEGADES and BUZBY’s.   I felt funny being there with her; however, it felt safe.   We had coffee at LE CROSSANT and were grossed out by some lady with dirty ankles.  
I said, “I hated the vibes in those two gay bars.”

She mentioned the week in Hawaii idea. 
“I’m all for it,” I said excitedly. “Then again…I would like to go somewhere different next year.”
Alexis and I had a good time shopping around.   We actually kissed goodnight.   Could this be progress where we are concerned?   I made tentative Friday night plans for getting together again.

I drove home safely.   I was home with my journal in no time.  I needed to write and summarize the latest.  I’m now ready for a good night of sleep.  Yawn.

“I’m on good terms with solitude.”
-as heard while watching the 2002 series,
THE FORSYTE SAGA

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The Beginnings - Part 162: BEING PRUDISH

This indifferent readiness, this cool accommodation, the notion of such a quick and driven…encounter, was…shamefully exciting.
-Alice Munro
OPEN SECRETS, Short Story:
Spaceships Have Landed

The Beginnings – Part 162:   BEING PRUDISH

December 12, 1983, Monday

Work was okay.   I bought mom her French Royal telephone and a new sweater for Christmas.   I bought myself some speedo swim trunks and a pair of gray pants.   I found all of these items at CAPWELL’s.

My section had a good time making cracks about SI-24, a code about honesty and company policy rules.

I received a message from Bill.   He wanted to suggest dinner tonight.   I agreed.

Bill arrived at my place in Alameda at around six o’clock.   We decided on the BLUE DOLPHIN Restaurant.   We had a very pleasant evening.   We came to my pad where we studied for his Spanish exam.   I learned that his exam was at CAL STATE HAYWARD, so I insisted that he spend the night.  
Bill expressed hurt feelings when I made a point of saying, “I don’t think we should sleep in the same bed because my brother and sister-in-law are here.   I don’t know what time they’ll be hitting the sack.”

And so, Bill chose to leave with a very hurt feeling and attitude.  
I couldn’t help myself but I expressed my own hurt feelings by asking, “What about the fooling around on one’s partner and hurting the partner’s feelings?”
“Grow Up!” I shouted.
Bill didn’t appreciate any of it.   He was being senseless.  Was it all about the sex?
Bill shouted back, “Well, I don’t like your living arrangement!”

Needless to say, I don’t feel very good about him now.   He didn’t stay the night.   I mean…he still could have stayed longer and spent more time with me.   The sleeping together arrangements were not necessary.   He was being prudish.   That’s the word for it.   He was thinking of his own spoiled, selfish feelings.   He wanted his way…only (or else). 

Well, I say, “Forget it!  Later…Good Bye…for now!  And yet, I can’t help but wonder about the way he left and if he’ll ever care to discuss anything ever again.”

Oh well…Per my recent conversation with Tammy she is coming over on Wednesday to cook dinner.   We’ll see how that goes.

Everything happens twice…once as something real, and then as farce.
-Christopher Bram,
SURPRISING MYSELF, a novel

 

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The Beginnings - Part 161: "YOU SHOULDN'T LIMIT YOURSELF"

I have always known, and now firmly believe, that the special regard one feels for a certain person is almost instantly known.
-Shyam Selvadurai,
CINNAMON GARDENS, a novel

The Beginnings – Part 161:  

"YOU SHOULDN'T LIMIT YOURSELF"

December 11, 1983

I took Tammy home before 10AM.   It was a pleasant enough drive.

I could only wonder what may have been going through her mind when she asked, “Who was the last person that you ‘made it’ with?” 
I confessed immediately, “Bill Helbush of Concord.”
She was silent.   Did the silence mean anything?  I know she knows I’ve been with boys.   For all I know, she’s the type that may have also been with a girl at one point…or maybe not.

I returned home after dropping Tammy at her house in Hayward.  I showered and shampooed and called mom.   We arranged an outing to Downtown Oakland to do a little shopping at CAPWELL’s.

After the CAPWELL’s visit I decided to ride like the wind, so I hopped on my bicycle.   It was tough riding west.  The wind was rough, but worth it. 

I dropped by at mom’s house after my ride and enjoyed a homemade burger and some orange juice.   The ride and the meal combination made me feel drowsy.   I fell asleep while watching an Ann-Margret film that I had never seen called THE OUTSIDE MAN.  From what I gathered…it was about a French contract assassin hired by a Los Angeles crime family to perform a hit on some other mafia target.    I couldn’t really get into it. 

After my nap I returned to my Townhouse and called Patty about her aerobics class that she conducts on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.
I said, “I’ll drop by tomorrow, Monday night.”
“Oh great,” she said.
It should be fun.   I trust that it will be.

Bill Helbush, the future mathematician, called me from his liquor store job at around eight o’clock. 

“I’m worried about my linear Algebra test.”
I encouraged him by saying, “You seem to be such a whiz in Mathematics in general.   I’m sure you’ll ace it.”
I appreciate Bill.   I like when he dishes out the compliments.
I thought it was so nice when Bill said, “You actually have brains.”
I laughed, wondering about the imbeciles he may have met before me.   I imagine a lot of the people at the gay skating rink (and elsewhere) are pretty dopey. 
Bill said, “My brother and sister-in-law are in town from Japan.”
He was excited about meeting his brother’s Japanese wife.   I was happy for him.   He seems to be so chipper and in such a great mood.   I wanted it to rub off on me.   I think that is why I like his company.   His intellect and freedom to speak his own mind is attractive to me.   He has this adventurous spontaneity.   That’s a quality I envy in myself (when I happen to bring it out). 

At 8:20PM Alexis called me again.

“Why don’t you come in to The City and we can go dancing?”
How could I turn that down?   And so…I will be driving to her pad at the Granada Hotel.   I will get to view this so-called dance joint called The Trocadero.   Hmmm…it ought to be a very questionable evening.

…I found the Granada Hotel and had to wait for about ten patient minutes in the lobby until Alexis finally appeared.   She was going to introduce me to twenty-year old Randy but he was on the telephone.   We decided NOT to wait.   We went to the Trocadero Transfer Discotheque and had a really fun time dancing the night.   We smiled continuously at each other and talked a lot about one another.   It was a night of shenanigans.  She even brought up the topic of sexuality…in general.   We did meet at the gay skating rink after all.

After I’d mentioned Bill Helbush a bit Alexis alerted me by saying, “You need to be careful with him.   Don’t let yourself get hurt or abused by him.”
I thought this was good advice, but this applies to everyone.
Alexis also said, “And you shouldn’t LIMIT yourself.   They’re out there.”
When she said “they’re’ she was referring to other girls.
She continued, “I know they’d LOVE to go out with you.”
I thought quietly as I danced, “Hmmm…that’s questionable.  Alexis is so different.”

After the Trocadero experience we went to the GRUB STAKE near Polk Street and ate a BLT, omelet and coffee.   It was fun to have breakfast at one o’clock in the morning.   I like her sense of adventure, too.

Alexis said, “We should think about a week in Hawaii next month.”
“Wow…that sounds good,” I replied; however, it seemed questionable.   I need to think on it.  

Mathematics wasn’t like LIFE because in LIFE there are not straightforward answers as the end.

-Mark Haddon
THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME

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The Beginnings - Part 160: AN EYE-STOPPER

I should write something I would want to read myself.
-Mark Haddon
THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME

The Beginnings – Part 160:   AN EYE-STOPPER

December 10, 1983

This morning I woke up and did some of my domestic chores.   It was nice to get the clothes washing out of the way.

I went over to PIGGY MALONE’S, the card store.   It’s in Berkeley and I really like this store.  I selected some Christmas Cards and I plan on mailing a lot of them out this weekend.   Now it’s just a matter of time to find out who cares enough to respond to the especially selected card.

I napped for most of the day.   I did stop over to see mom when the evening rolled along.   When I arrived she was setting up her Christmas tree, so I helped her.   It made me feel the holiday spirit to do this with her for a while.  It was fun.

I picked up Tammy in Hayward.   I drove to Jack London Square where we ended up at GALLAGHER’s.   My brother, John, was working.   He prepared us some delicious Brandy Alexander cocktails (blended).   He wouldn’t allow us to pay.   That was a treat.   After the cocktails we went to my pad and we watched THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT and THE BAD SEED.   It was a great double-feature.

Tammy and I went to bed after the movie watching.   We made closer attempts at love…but did not really reach that climactic finale.   I began to think that lovemaking is much like riding a bike.   Once you get going with the knowledge of the gears, pedals and brakes it’s an endless ride of keeping the groove with the right stamina, oil and distance goal for reaching a supreme destination.   It could make for one fantastic ride.  It seems there is so much that Tammy and I wish to give each other; yet, why do I feel there is so little time?

I didn’t like it when Tammy said, “I’m just so confused.   I’m not sure what you want.”
I thought that was a really dumb statement.  Oh well…whatever.   I also didn’t appreciate the tiny hickey that Don Hendrikson (some eighteen year old guy) gave Tammy on her shoulder the previous night.   At least she had the decency to tell me about it.  I have to give her a nod for honesty.
Tammy pleaded about Don’s mark by saying, “It didn’t mean anything.  I regret the outing I had with him in the first place.”

I do think Tammy cares for me deeply.   Perhaps she cares a bit too much (or so she states).   I do like that she feels this way.  I simply can't help but wonder where and how far our relationship will lead.   She is an eye-stopper with her platinum blond hair and vicious eyes.   I’ve noticed this when we go out.  People really take notice of her sensuality.   We fell asleep thereafter (as we both were clearly thinking and likely dreaming).

His eyes, she noticed, had a delightful way of lighting up as he spoke of the things that interested him.     

-Janet Frame, an Autobiography

 

 

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The Beginnings - Part 159: ZONKED OUT

There are intimacies that have nothing to do with sex.
-Christopher Bram
EMINENT OUTLAWS,
the Gay Writers Who Changed America

The Beginnings – Part 159:  ZONKED OUT

December 9, 1983

It was another work typical work day.  The special training I had only lasted until six o’clock this evening.  That’s not too cool.   I went home right after the information overload and lounged.

Alexis never called me at nine o’clock.   Girls cannot be trusted.  I was holding out for her hopeful phone call when I finally broke down at 11PM and went out to NATIONS for a cheeseburger.   I was starving.  The hostess that worked at the ACAPULCO Restaurant the night before happened to walk into NATIONS with a couple of her high-school buddies.   It was interesting to watch them.  

After eating my burger I went over to the corner CROLL’s bar for a couple of Irish coffee cocktails.   I noticed a couple of interesting people while I was there but I just left at half passed midnight.   I returned home and zonked out on the bed.

Oh yes…let’s not forget that I did actually telephone Bill while I was watching DALLAS earlier this evening.  He was working at WALNUT CREEK LIQOURS.
Bill asked, “Did you mark your calendar for December 17^th for our CLOUD NINE date in San Francisco?”
“Yes, I did.”
I also tried to confirm a visit to Concord for Sunday but he said, “Oh, I have to work…but I’ll call you.”
Oh well…whatever, whenever.

I had somehow fallen into a crevice in time; and many of these feelings were a result of my being ‘in touch’ with no one, and of having no one to talk to from within.                                                            

-Janet Frame, an Autobiography

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The Beginnings - Part 158: "YOU KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT"

"Who knows what will happen this weekend, or this week.   I’ll keep you posted…otherwise nothing much.   I’ve been going out with a mad boy who tried to kill me last Friday.  He’s very cute and I’m sure it’d be a kick, but I think I’ll take a rain check on the death scene.”
-Edmund White in a letter to Ann and Alfred Corn

 The Beginnings – Part 158:  “YOU KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT”

December 8, 1983. 

Salima looked dynamite today.   I can’t wait until our lunch outing.  I think I will surprise her and dress-up extra nice.  I liked the way Salima flaunted her rear end at me today.   Did she do it on-purpose?

Barbara Reynolds and her beau, Robert, gave me a ride to my parking lot after work. 

Nici came over tonight while I was watching THE EDGE OF NIGHT.

Nici said, “My landlord must have gone into my house while I was at work because the upper lock was locked and I don’t have that key!”
“I don’t think he’s allowed to do that.  Maybe he wanted to smell your panties.”
She smirked and said, "You never know!"
She continued with her flirtatious ways.  Her attempts at a hopeful seduction with me was evident.   I think it will happen but I just didn’t want to be predictable…just yet.  Ha-ha.  We all play games.

I went to the ACUPULCO Restaurant in Alameda to eat.   I saw Elisa there.   We had a nice chat.  I made tentative plans with her for this weekend.  She may stop by at my place with her new blue-eyed daughter, Stephanie.   The strange thing about Elisa is that she fits the out-of-sight, out-of-mind concept.   When I don’t see her she seems to block me out of her mind.   It’s only when she does see me that she remembers me.   Perhaps it’s just my own feeling.   Who knows?
Elisa looked very fat.   She was too, too big; however, she did just have a baby.   After seeing her I came home to exercise.   As I was exercising my phone rang.   It was Alexis Budabin!  We made a tentative date for tomorrow night.  I also spoke to one of her chums that lives in the Hotel named Randy.   Randy is twenty years old.  He is a Gemini (like me), born on May 22^nd.  He seemed very nice.

Bill Helbush also called me.                                                                                                                                     "I felt so tired today,” Bill said.  “You kept me up all night.”                                                                                I laughed, “What a joker!   I’m glad you thought to call me.  Thanks.”

It was funny because I had just expressed the same ‘Thanks’ for calling me line to Alexis.

Alexis had said, “I’m pissed at my roommate because she never gave me the message that you called.”
This alerted me that she may actually be interested in me…after all.

Well, enough is enough.   In summarizing the events of the last few days I must write now that I actually made tentative Saturday night plans for a flick at home (on the VCR) with Tammy Duhr.   I just don’t feel like driving to Hayward to pick her up.   Maybe ‘in the end’ it will be worth it to hear her laugh.

I need to give my car a tune-up this weekend.  My vehicle registration fee was two-hundred and sixty two dollars.   What a rip-off!  I hate those surprise billings that one doesn’t expect to receive.   I hate it.

“If you can make a woman laugh, you’ll be all right,” his father had told him.
-Edward Rutherford, LONDON, the novel

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The Beginnings - Part 157: A HERSHEY'S KISS

“A mystic bond of brotherhood makes all men ONE.”
-Thomas Carlyle

The Beginnings – Part 157:  A HERSHEY’S KISS

December 7, 1983

I had a “déjà vu” while at work today.   I was randomly speaking to one of my high-school girlfriends, Elisa, as a customer.   Ironically, I had spoken to Clayton Case (another high-school chum) last week.  Clayton told me he was working in the Trucking business and had a child with another on the way.   I also spoke to Billy Schuman’s girlfriend who happened to be calling about Donna Schuman’s telephone account.   Billy and Donna Schuman were local neighbors in the late 1960’s when we lived at 1447 16^th Avenue in Oakland, California.   Gee whiz!  I remember playing with Donna and Billy when I was a mere five years old.  The memory was seriously like a “déjà vu” that I never would have recollected otherwise.

When I arrived home today I had a phone message from Bill Helbush.   I returned his call.  He persuaded me into driving out to Concord to see him.   We ate at the CHINESE GARDENS restaurant.
Bill said, “I want you to mark December 17^thon your calendar.”
I asked “Why?”
“It’s because I got tickets for us to the Theater to see CLOUD 9.”

I knew the show was about relationships and now I am excited about seeing it.

Caryl Churchill’s CLOUD NINE is about relationships -- between men and women, men and men, women and women.  It is about sex, work, mothers, Africa, power, children, grandmothers, politics, money, Queen Victoria and sex. It unlocks the imagination, liberates the mind, and leaves you weak with laughter.

The entire first act may be a crash course in 1880 sociology, but it never forgets to be farcical entertainment. For all its dark undercurrent, it makes no serious demands on the audience. It does not take itself seriously, and its truths are evident enough without unnecessary footnotes to hold up the fun. In fact, the whole first act shines the clarifying light of imaginative comedy on hypocrisy. Cleverly used clichés get sharpened and broadened with fresh definition throughout Act I, which takes its zany place somewhere in an antic Africa.

In Victorian Africa actually, where Clive imposes his ideals on his family and the natives. Betty, Clive's wife, does not value herself as a woman. Betty is played by a man because she wants to be what men want her to be. In a similar way Joshua, the black servant, doesn't value himself as a black and is thus played by a white man because he wants to be what whites want him to be. Clive tries to impose traditional male behavior on his son, Edward, who is played by a woman (any guesses on this one), a boy who loves to play with his sister Victoria -- and her dolls. Clive struggles throughout the act to maintain the world he wants to see -- a faithful wife, a manly son.

After our dinner outing I ended up spending the night at Bill’s house.   I slept on the bottom bunk.  Bill spoke to me about the idea of our going to Yosemite’s Yellowstone National Park together next summer.  He literally ‘got off’ a couple of times.   I didn’t—which was fine because I was still filled with pleasure.   I showered and we both slept very well.   I left Bill’s house at approximately 7AM and arrived at my work desk a bit earlier than usual.   I was thinking about the events of last night and realized how I was touched by how Bill bought me a HERSHEY’s kiss.   He must really like me.   I bought him a Strawberry Shake after dinner and we both shared it.   How endearing of something so simple…I thought, a HERSHEY’s kiss.

“I am not laughing at you.   But you should NOT say the greatest romance of your life.   You should say the first romance of your life.  You will always be loved, and you will always be in love with LOVE.”
-Oscar Wilde
THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY

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The Beginnings - Part 156: REAR WINDOW

“When two people love each other, they come together - WHAM - like two taxis on Broadway.”
-as heard while watching the 1954 film
REAR WINDOW

The Beginnings – Part 156:  REAR WINDOW

December 6, 1983

Work went by quickly today.   It was nice having the top tier supervisors away for some conference in Carmel, CA.   I could use a future escape to Carmel myself.

Salima, my acting supervisor, made a definite breakfast date with me for December 20, 1983.   That should be a fun outing.

Tammy and I went out and ended up seeing the James Stewart classic film called REAR WINDOW at the Hayward Cinema 5.   REAR WINDOW is actually a 1954 film about a photographer who is laid up in his apartment with a broken leg.   He spies on his neighbors from his rear windowand becomes convinced one of them has committed a murder.  It was right up my alley.  We loved the film and had a roundabout discussion about our relationship after the show.   We both agreed that we both wish to spend more time together to see where it may lead.   I believe we ended the night on a good note.   Who knows where we’ll end up?   For now…it’s all good.

I did run into another smiling blond gal who works at the HOME PLATE diner across the street from my Webster Street building in Downtown Oakland.   Who knows if that will lead anywhere?   I do like the mutual smiles.

I paid off my CAPWELL Department store bill.   That’s a nice feeling of relief.

Nici and I made tentative arrangements for a TV watching evening for this Wednesday night.   She plans to watch DYNASTY with me and I get to explain all of the characters and storylines to her.   We’ll see how that goes…

Daily life is a constant onslaught on one’s perceptions, and everyone experiences some intermingling of the senses.
-Diane Ackerman
A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES

 

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The Beginnings - Part 155: THE RIGHT STUFF

“That’s what I like about magic.  It happens when you don’t’ expect it and when you’re not looking at it.”
-as heard in the 2006 film THE MAN OF MY LIFE

The Beginnings – Part 155:  THE RIGHT STUFF

December 5, 1983

I took a solitary walk to the Pot Belli Deli during my lunch hour.   I ate a gourmet sandwich and I decided to choose a San Miguel beer (imported from Manila) to go with it.   It was ice cold, soothing and good.   The only problem was that I wanted to take a nap about half an hour later.
Salima (such a sweetheart) gave me a break at 2:20PM.   This made the latter part of my afternoon go by quickly.  She does watch out for me (as she said).   What a beautiful lady.
I telephoned Tammy during my break and made a suggestion.
“So…how about it…want to go and see that movie called THE RIGHT STUFF tonight?”
She hesitated.
“Or Tuesday night is good.”
“Yes, could we go on Tuesday?”
“Sure.   I’m looking forward to it.”

Once I arrived home I saw two packages for me.   I was so excited.  I opened them and found the two new RUGBY shirts that I had ordered.   After opening my warm fuzzy presents to myself I decided to take a nap.   The phone rang.   It was my dad.
“Why don’t you come over for some tuna?”
“Okay.”
I figured I’d accept his offer.   I was hungry.  After the meal I headed home where I listened to tunes and tried calling the coordinator of the aerobics class on Bay Farm Island.   Every single time I try the number it is busy.   I simply exercised at home while watching an episode of THE EDGE OF NIGHT.

I read some of Leo Buscaglia’s thoughts (in his book LIVING, LOVING and LEARNING) on being open, spontaneous, fun, loving, unpredictable and careful in analyzing others.   One must be especially careful when other people use yourself as loving (as a behavior modifier).    I tried to comprehend this fully. 

We will polish the raw diamond in you.
-as heard in the 2004 film BEFORE THE FALL

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The Beginnings - Part 154: SPONTANEITY 'IN LOVE'

Living is easy with eyes closed.
-as seen as a tattoo on the actor, Domini Monaghan, as Charlie
In the TV series LOST

The Beginnings – Part 154:  SPONTANEITY 'IN LOVE'

December 4, 1983

After driving Tammy home I went to mom and dad’s house for breakfast.  

I was soon bicycling again along Shoreline Avenue in Alameda.   The beach looks as though it is partially demolished because of the recent storm yesterday.   My ride was still as invigorating as ever.   The fresh squeezed orange juice I drank in a tall glass at mom’s house quenched my thirst, now I’m thirsty again.

I went to my pad and read some of my new book (LIVING, LOVING and LEARNING) when Nici Maurino called me.

“I may come over later to see that flick with you…if it’s okay.”                                                                               I sighed, “Okay, sure.”

When I hung up the phone I took a nap until five o’clock.   Nici did come by at around six o’clock and I selected one of my favorite movies to watch:  BREAKING AWAY.

Bill Helbush called while we were watching the movie.                                                                         "I just want to apologize for not calling.   All sorts of fellows were at the place today and my CALCULUS was taking much of my time.”

“It’s okay,” I said, pretending not to remember that he had suggested a matinee for today.   “I’ll call you back later tonight.”
Bill said, “Okay, that’ll be great.”

Nici and I left for ROUND TABLE PIZZA.   We talked and shared a bit more about each other.   I told her about my little breakdown that occurred between December 1980 and April 1981.   She confessed about her major problems while in high-school with dope and her fist-fighting brothers.
“Sounded rough,” I said.
“Oh…it was.  You have no idea.  I won’t even get into the divorce between my ma and pa.”

We returned to my pad and watched another one of my favorite films:  THE HEARTBREAK KID, starring Charles Grodin and Cybil Shepherd.   Nici made some slight seductive hints.  It kind of scared me.   Or maybe it just made me feel a tad uncomfortable.  

I can’t just ‘do it’ when someone says, “Let’s do it!”

I don’t wish to be a mechanical sex robot.   I need spontaneity ‘in love’.   I feel I get more out of it that way.  

Nici still reminds me a bit of that girl I had a mad crush on in high-school (Terri Baker).  Time will tell as to whether we will make it together or not.   We all need that…time.

I telephoned Bill as promised (at a little after 11PM).
Some strange fellow answered the phone and said, “He and others have gone to the END UP in San Francisco.”
This news did not impress me in the least.   I wonder if he will ever call me again.   He’s a pleasure seeker.   I can somehow relate to his spontaneous nature though.  Am I a pleasure seeker too?

As Tolstoy knew well, there was no story to tell in Eden…only afterward, once it had all come to ruin, once history had begun.

-Paul Russell
THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

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