”I know how spies work. He’s told me often enough. Cover. You go in somewhere with cover, and when the enemy realizes you’re not that person, you have another cover prepared, just below it. You give that one easily. If they still don’t believe it, you have a third one ready, but you really make them work for it, because otherwise they won’t buy it. If you’re really good, you’ve got another one beneath that, one so deep that it might as well be the real you. How many layers of cover do you have?”
-Olen SteinhauerTHE NEAREST EXIT
July 4, 2012
PHOTO OF THE DAY: July 4, 1987
Jeff Sombat in his apartment in Honolulu, sitting next to my GUCCI suitcase bag.
THE BEGINNINGS: DIARY
DIARY lyrics by 'BREAD'
I found her diary underneath a tree.
And started reading about me
The words she's written took me by surpise
You'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she waited for.
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
When she confronted with the writing there,
Simply pretended not to care.
I passed it off as just in keeping with
Her total disconcerting air
And though she tried to hide
The love that she denied,
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
And as I go through my life, I will give to her my wife
All the sweet things that I can find.
I found her diary underneath a tree.
And started reading about me.
The words began stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
And as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife
All the sweet things that she can find
All the sweet things they can find
DECEMBER 1982
December 4, 1982
Well, this is it. I am finally attempting to write my first book. Actually, I won’t call it a book but excerpts, reminiscences and ideas for and from the past, present and future. I am twenty-three years old, not to mention the six months until my twenty-fourth year in this world of ours. This book based on myself will be explicit, clear and to-the-point. This book will be my friend and this is where I will ‘spill my guts’ about myself. Sure, why not? I am still uncertain about where to begin? Shall I begin with the past, present or future? Well, since I cannot decide…I will merge it all together. This book will be the beginning until I can’t write any longer. I guess I should say until my death (but who likes to mention such morbid things). Perhaps this is NOT really the beginning but 'the middle'.
Today I purchased this book at CHAPIN’s Stationery Store at South Shore Center in Alameda while doing a little Christmas shopping. I am so proud of myself for finally making a move in writing this so-called “journal”. I have decided to be spontaneous and write about whatever comes into my mind. However, I cannot continue writing and writing as other things in life do come up (like work, play, etc.). There will be subjects that come about that I cannot resist writing about. Right now I must go and sweep the backyard, according to my father…a never ending battle: chores.
The Christmas season gives a nice feeling in the heart. It is around Halloween time when we turn our clocks back an hour and it starts getting dark that I begin to feel a sort of Christmas spirit. A lot of the Christmas happenings create thousands of smiles for children. The real children in my life right now are Shawn and Shonette West, my younger first cousins. I want a wife and children someday. If I don’t get married I still want children. I’ve been thinking about becoming a donor at the Bay Area Sperm Bank. I will have to look into that idea of mine more fully before I actually take the step. I read about it in the newspaper. Many women are 'in need'.
PHOTO: Michael Joe Armijo,
Kindergarten, Garfield School, Oakland, CA
Speaking of children let me think back to my own childhood. Let me think. I was born in 1959 around the same year--give or take--as John F. Kennedy Jr. (President JFK’s son). Wow. I hardly remember a thing before I was four years old. There are baby pictures of myself that bring-on an inkling of memory. The few photographs of me before the age of four were—in fact—taken during Christmastime. At around four years old I sort of recall an incident that has been imprinted in my memory banks. My family lived in Oakland, California at the time. There was a black girl named Liz who lived nearby. Our family and neighbors, appropriately (at the time) called her “colored Liz”. She was about nine years of age while she had an older sister who was about eighteen years of age. Anyway, Liz invited—or I should say lured—me over to her apartment complex from my house at the corner of 16th Avenue in Oakland (across the street from St. Anthony’s Catholic School and church). I was lured into an alley way with a lot of weeds; whereby, "colored Liz" pulled her pants down. I remember being in awe of her non-pubic line between her legs. I guess I didn’t know what to make of it. She sort of squatted down, pulling my pants down and—sort of—guided my penis toward her black vagina where we just sort of touched genitals for an instant. That was the end of that. I think I yanked my pants up and ran my 'four and half year old self' home (if I remember correctly). And for the next three to five years I felt so guilty when my father or brothers would tease me. They would imply that I had done “the oochie-coochie” with “colored Liz”. Of course, I would always deny it. How did they know or even come up with the idea? I may have confided in my year older brother (Tony) who could not keep a secret. Honestly though, can any five year old keep a secret?
When I was four years old my parents considered me a bright child, so they enrolled me in Franklin School as a kindergartner. I was doing rather well but when I became sick with the measles my folks decided to take me out of school. The one thing I remember was trying to find my name out of a number of cards that the teacher placed on the floor. I chose the named Robert by mistake then I eventually chose Michael. The object of the lesson was for each child to find and indentify their name from all of the cards scattered on the floor.
After my illness with the measles I guess my fifth birthday rolled around and I started at Garfield School in Oakland. After school I would play with Sherry and Puder (two black little girl neighbors). It may sound like we lived in a ghetto but that was not the case. Sherry, Puder and “colored Liz” were just about the only black neighbors in the area. Another five year old pal of mine was named Michael Ortega. He had a little brother who was the same age as my little brother, John, named Ricky Ortega. I remember Mrs. Moniz was my kindergarten teacher. While in the classroom I had fun with the wooden blocks and the finger painting. I wish I had become an architect but I hated Geometry in high-school. I still consider myself artistic and always will find fun in the creative arts. At Garfield School there was one time when our teacher was reading a story. All of the kids sat on a cool linoleum floor and it grossed me out when I saw one certain black girl let loose a yellow puddle of pee from under her dress.
“Yuckie!”
That’s one thing I never did during my elementary years (pee while at school). There was one sixth grade incident; whereby, I couldn’t ‘hold it’ though. The last bell for the end of the day was about to ring and Mr. Livermore demanded that we all remain in our seats. I wanted to run to the bathroom so badly but I peed on my chair and just smeared it all on my dark corduroy pants. Luckily, no one noticed.
Back at Garfield School there was a time when Michael Ortega and I would chase around the same girl at recess. I believe we had the same taste in girls—but the last I heard Michael Ortega was a ‘low rider’ (one of those Mexican looking dudes with a low lying car).
Another kindergarten flashback was my black silhouette profile that I made of myself during school, using black construction paper. It was a profile of my head. I brought it home and it caused a yelp of laughter from my mother and father. I ran outside and cried at the fact that they were laughing at my picture. I find it so heartwarmingly funny now that I think about it. Another heartwarming thought is my hugging my mom’s leg a lot and not wanting to let go as she cooked in the kitchen (dinners, tortillas, M&M cookies or ‘what have you’).
This just about covers my fifth year of life. Right now I think I will work on my twenty-third year and go to Mark Beam’s dinner party in Berkeley. I met this divorced dude, Mark Beam, in Hawaii on the third week of November 1982. So let me go and see what action and friendships this buffet will promise me.
December 6, 1982
The weekend is over and the buffet at Mark Beam’s house proved to be a bore. Despite the fact that I met Rick “Grizzly” Brown, a fat black wrestler, who was somewhat interesting in his conversation about his trips to Japan and Wisconsin. There wasn’t all that much more to mention. According to “Grizzly” I learned that there are tall, good-looking men in Japan (big deal). Never again will I attend a Mark Beam party---or for that matter---I hope to NOT associate with Mr. Beam again. It seemed rather pointless. I didn't feel I recieved enough attention.
I met Mark Beam in Hawaii in November 1982 at a club called “Dirty Mary’s”. It was coincidental to learn that he lived nearby (Berkeley) and all. He is just too out-of-the-ordinary for me. Aren't most people who live in Berkeley?
I did telephone Melissa Spinola in Hawaii tonight. I met her at the New Wave Night Club in Hawaii. I still recall the beautiful, wet kisses we exchanged. And I regret the forceful ones from the previously above named (Mark Beam).
Help! Let me discard with my present thoughts and get back to my childhood, growing up, teen years, early twenties and all of that good stuff. By getting to know me from the beginning is the best way to understand the present.
PHOTO: My Dad and brothers
at St. Anthony's Park, Oakland, CA 1966
First Grade was a great reminiscent time. I loved Diane Laschatz. That long-haired blond was unforgettable. There was also Diane Bursey (from Germany) and Diane Melendres, the gorgeous Filipino girl. Oh…but no one could top Diane Laschatz and me. We were a ‘heavy item’ until third grade. That was when she dumped me for Mickey Dolenz of the TV show The Monkees. What a ‘let down’. It was probably my first of many rejections (or is that just my imagination?).
As I recall these early periods of my life I can visualize my paternal grandmother, Matilde Garcia-Vigil-Armijo. The flashbacks of her are most wonderful. She died on September 22, 1964. I can almost hear her neat Spanish speaking voice and see her sensitive smile. I can even feel the warmth of a green sweater that she often wore as she embraced me one day. She lived up the block from our family home in Oakland. One time I was visiting her and had to go back home to mom and dad’s house. I wonder if that embrace took place on the day my father got mad at her for giving me my first haircut (or should I say crew cut). I was a cute, fair-haired kid. My mother told me of this incident a few years ago because—I guess---my dad wanted to be the one to give me my first haircut. How I hated those crew cuts.
PHOTO: My paternal grandmother, Matilde Garcia b. 1898 d. 1964
My older brother, Tony, and I shared a room and he was hateful at times. We were--and still are--a year apart in age (1958 and 1959). We sure did have our share of fights when we were boys. I loved it when his army men kept him occupied. I didn’t have to be bothered. I think the summer after First Grade I found a doll somewhere which kept me occupied. The doll was about seven inches in size and was cute. It was like finding a friend. I used to change its clothes by finding fabric scraps left over in my mom’s sewing machine. Yes, I was a fashion designer at a young age. Tony would often tease me and call me “sissy”. I tried to ignore it. I guess Tony could not ignore it because he threw my little doll away, over a fence and into a swimming pool one day. I cried the whole day, believing she had drowned. I somehow survived. I think Tony was embarrassed of the fact that I had a private female doll friend. He didn’t care to have his friends know about my doll. His neighborhood friends were such nerds as Johnny Shuman, John Moniz, and John Verduzco and eventually, my old kindergarten rival, Michael Ortega.
I was beginning to learn how to roller skate and bike ride now. To this very day I love bicycle riding because I can still do it. Skating is a different story. I almost had a heart-attack thinking I could skate in ninth grade during an excursion with my high school buddies, Suzy Miller and Bonni Jayne.
Second Grade was around the corner and my flashback immediately turns to my teacher, Miss Young. She was an Asian woman, very sweet. I was disappointed I did not get a nun like Sister Agnes Marie (who I had the year before). I remember glimpses of the TV series Dark Shadows and identifying with the children characters, David and Sarah Collins, who were a part of that show. I was promoted to Third Grade. I could get into some more school time stories but a John Cougar Mellencamp song (Jack and Diane) is getting me in the mood for rest and relaxation.
December 7, 1982
I love “Time Again”…what a CLASSIC rock song by ASIA.
I just tried to call Sharon Meadows. I speak to her on occasion at work to find out a customer name by providing her a telephone number. I have never met her ‘in person’ though. I have a feeling she is black. She is so very nice. I have met another girl in recent months via telephone lines at work named Nici Maurino. She is a very red-neck, tough blond who is not as ‘hot shit’ as she thinks. I only regret letting her borrow my MACY’s credit card on a shopping spree we took together. I let her charge up to $120 in merchandise. She had paid back $60 but the balance is still a big question mark. Never let friends borrow money. They do NOT mix. You would think I had learned my lesson when I paid Elisa B’s airfare to Hawaii in 1979. I have since received only a minor $100 payment from the damn wench.
I need a woman in my life. I need a very special woman but they’re so difficult to find. There is no rush. I am not going to dwell on it.
December 12, 1982
Well, yesterday evening I designed and decorated the family room. It shines on with the Christmas spirit now. Last night I watched a movie called “The Gift of Love” (starring Marie Osmond and Timothy Bottoms) with mom and dad. One gift of love was a ‘music box’. I hope mom likes the music box I bought her for Christmas. I think it is beautiful, so it should certainly match the beauty within her.
There is a new tune out by Fleetwood Mac called “Oh Diane”. It reminds me of none other than ‘you know who’: Diane Laschatz, my First through Third Grade sweetheart. In getting back to the incidents of my childhood I suddenly recall Diane Laschatz coming to my birthday party. I guess I had just turned age seven (May 26, 1966). I will probably never get that girl off of my mind. Where is she now?
My Aunt Lillian Lucero (who is about nine years my senior) used to babysit me and my brothers. I remember her bringing her tough-looking, raunchy boyfriends to our house. There was one hunky guy named Phil with a motorcycle that sort of sticks in my mind. I remember he wore white pants and had a motorcycle.
My Uncle Raymond Lucero, my mom’s younger brother is ten years my senior. He was an interesting teenage lad. I know Tony would remember this. We were wrestling with him and somehow his pants came down and Tony put a pencil in his rear end (not all the way in). That was funny. Boys will be boys. Tony and I were cracking up. I don’t remember all of the details.
Another sexual flash of the past was of my cousin Jimmy Garcia. He slept over one night and showed my brother and I his hard-on! From the eyes of a little boy he looked pretty BIG. It wasn’t as big as this blond mustached fellow I ran into once on the way to my friend’s house. The story begins as I was walking a block away from my house on a Saturday afternoon to see my friend, Gregory Gonsalves. There was a man parked at the corner of 17th Avenue and East 15th Street. As I walked by he called me over to his car window.
“Hey, have you seen Timmy?” The handsome blond mustached man asked.
I walked over to his passenger door window of his car and to my astonishment saw this man fondling his ‘special purpose’ privates or ‘whatever you want to call it.
And then, I just made an 'as fast as I could run for it' to Greg’s house. I told him what happened, too. Now that I think back, the blond mustached fellow looked normal, nice, regular, and interestingly hot. He really did look a lot like actor Robert Redford. I believe he invited much curiosity within me at that age, wondering what he was doing. In fact, I think I went home on that very night and began masturbating underneath my bed covers. This is some introduction to genital fondling, huh? I did also see some nude women in old PLAYBOY magazines that Michael or Ricky Ortega managed to swipe from their older brother. Yes, it was Ricky Ortega. He had a reputation for being a little horny five year old practical joker.
Those were the good ole days. I would depart from home to school and back home again to see my mom and watch Barnabas Collins on the TV soap scare show called Dark Shadows. The storyline had bizarre stories of intrigue, murder, vampirism, witchcraft, werewolves and other mayhem. I loved that show. The women named in that show were so beautiful and fantastic to me…namely Josette, Angelique, Carolyn, Victoria, etc. I was so enthralled by that program that I spent summers hooked on watching it daily. It turned me into a little “porko” by fourth grade. Yuck! Boy, did my life go for a turn while I wore husky pants and felt like a ‘fat boy’. I could identify with Barnabas Collins. He had 'a secret'.
December 26, 1982
I used to share a room with my older brother until I eventually had my own room. I remember once I would rub my ‘you know what’ against the blankets. It felt so good. I enjoyed the joy of self-satisfaction, playing with myself quite often. I believe I was around seven years old when my mom stopped giving me a bath. No one could shampoo hair, clean my elbows and wash behind the ears like mom. By the time I was finishing up Fifth Grade our family was ready to move to the town of Alameda. The East Oakland neighborhood was not as safe as it used to be and my mom didn’t want my brothers and me to go to the schools there. I was a “chubby” in sixth and seventh grades at Lincoln School. No girls really liked me during those years. The guys were a pain at times with my being not-so-athletic. By eighth grade I grew tall, less chubby and I was passing love notes and chasing girls all over the playground.
I’m still upset about not having received my new 1983 FORD MUSTANG convertible which I ordered on September 25, 1982. Yesterday, Christmas Day, was spent at Aunt Josie’s in San Leandro. It was a dull evening. In retrospect, the most intriguing time was watching MTV (Music TV) at Cecelia’s house with my brother John and my cousins Patrick Markus and Michael De La Paz.
December 27, 1982
I have promised my friend and coworker, Barbara Reynolds, an outing to see the new Dustin Hoffman film called TOOTSIE.
I have learned that my car is on route from Los Angeles.
December 28, 1982
For some unknown reason, Helen Wong and I had a spat (a disagreement). I always tend to shun such situations and give her (or whomever) the cold shoulder.
Otha, my supervisor, had two observations on me while at work. I rated an 8 and a 9 (out of 10) on both of these contacts with customers.
December 29, 1982
I went to Emporium-Capwell with Helen during our lunch hour. I bought Christmas leftovers. I received my cool chrome/silver trunk that I ordered from SPIEGEL catalog.
December 30, 1982
I went to MACY’s with Suzy Miller. I bought shampoo. Suzy and I joked about going to MACY’s and buying nothing but shampoo.
December 31, 1982
Barbara Reynolds and I saw the most remarkable film called SOPHIE’S CHOICE at a move theater in San Francisco. It will forever be one of my most-favorite films. We walked through Chinatown to Broadway and on to COIT Tower. I ate spaghetti and ravioli with complimentary champagne at midnight on this New Year’s Eve night. It was a quaint and friendly time that Barbara and I shared together.
JANUARY 1983
January 1, 1983:
I am upset about not having my new car for the New Year. My resolutions are to 1.) Exercise daily, 2.) Use low amounts of sugar.
I saw mom and dad’s friends Pete and Marcella and two of their daughters (Lisa and Paula) for dinner.
January 2, 1983
I went over to the MACY’s WHITE FLOWER Day Sale with mom and dad. I ate a nice, filling Turkey dinner. I slept until 4PM. I went for solid bike ride.
January 3, 1983
I went to MACY’S WHITE FLOWER Day Sale with my brother John and his friend, Geoffrey Rookard.
I spoke to the manager at Morris Landy FORD about my new car. It’s still not here.
I saw a cute blond at the Bay Fair Photography joint in San Leandro.
January 4, 1983
I received a letter from Michelle Von Thaden-Gibbs. I received a phone call from Julie Waller, the cute Vietnamese high-school pal that had a never ending crush on me. I met John’s girlfriend, Cynthia Mikeljohn. I had a runny nose for most of the day.
January 5, 1983
I went to pick up my PASSPORT during my lunch hour (with Helen). I have complete intent on a trip to France in June.
PHOTO: Paige LaBris, 1983
I telephoned Paige LaBris and left a message with her mom.
I called Meredith Hudson, a Mormon girl I dated a couple of times when I lived in Sacramento.
I found out my new car is on a train per the sales manager named Jay Mento.
I telephoned high school pal with the irresistible smile, Silvia Rabe.
PHOTO: Silvia Rabe, 1977 - b. 1960 d. 2006
My new car is now expected to arrive next week. I received a phone call from Paige LaBris from Sacramento. I won a “PHONE HOME” key chain while at work. It’s such a common phrase after that E.T. movie (“PHONE HOME”). I called Barbara Reynolds for gossip at the Office as there was an Open House.
January 8, 1983
I paid a visit to the Eastmont Mall with Barbara Reynolds. We saw the film “My Dinner with Andre” which had countless dialogue interactions between two middle-aged men. I thoroughly enjoyed parts of it. Barbara and I ate at the Addison Court Restaurant in Berkeley. We went to Gaylord’s Ice-Cream for dessert. I slept with Barbara and we “only” slept together while we watched “The Creeping Terror” on Creature-Features. I’m sure Barbara wanted something more intimate…but it wasn’t ‘there’.
I went to OLE’s WAFFLE SHOP with Barbara on this morning. We walked along Park Street together. We found our way to the Danish Interior Furnishings store. We were suddenly at South Shore Beach. Helen stopped by with Mandy (the dog). I read several of my Madison Avenue Magazines.
I worked with Wanda of San Diego, CA from the flying squad. Our office needed help and she was part of the squad that came to assist. I ordered a new subscription for my Madison Avenue Magazine.
January 11, 1983
I exercised my thighs with my brother John while watching that MORNING STRETCH TV show. There is still no new car yet! It’s on the train from Michigan; whereby, it will then be trucked from Los Angeles. Haven’t I heard this story before?
January 12, 1983
January 13, 1983
I had to adjust by working until 5:30PM today. Nici Maurino paid me forty dollars. I received a TEXACO GAS Credit Card today. I am still upset about having not received my new car.
January 14, 1983
I talked to Barbara Reynolds for about three and a half hours on the telephone today.
Pat Shikuzawa, a College of Alameda pal, invited me to a Housewarming Party. I will probably go even though it’s in Sacramento. I will invite Meredith (the Mormon girl) to attend with me.
January 15, 1983
I went with mom and pop to CONSUMER’s DISTRIBUTING, a catalog discount store. I remained home for most of the day. I did go to Morris-Landy FORD and there is still no car. I threatened the sales rep, Jay Mento. I gave him an ultimatum about my car.
“IF I don’t receive it by this day I am cancelling my order!”
Suzy Miller stopped by while I was eating a hamburger. We watched THE GUIDE FOR THE MARRIED MAN movie. She laughed—in parts, too.
January 16, 1983
I went bike riding with Barbara Reynolds and we ate at the Ice-Cream Dock. I saw Patty Paisal. Our eyes twinkled. I have a feeling that her ‘you know what’ writhed as ‘my you know what’ did the same at the sight of each other. I went to the Harbor Bay Landing Pub. I watched the film called THE ISLAND.
January 17, 1983
Today was my first day of BOSS/BAC new software Training on the computer at the office. FORD called and my car is due to arrive on Wednesday afternoon. Could it be that my idle threat helped? I can supposedly pick it up at that time. Barbara Reynolds and I went to the San Francisco GOOD NEWS store and bought all occasion greeting cards.
January 18, 1983
I had lunch with Barbara at SOUP N’ SUCH. I loved my minestrone soup. I ordered a MACY’s ZOOM lens for my camera. Architecture Ensemble was rejected. I did not see SPAIN flicks at the UC Theater. That’s disappointing.
January 19, 1983
I bought Auto and Life Insurance at PRUDENTIAL from Gail Mamekata. I had to take a taxi from the Fruitvale BART station to get home. It cost me five-dollars! What a rip-off! I hope I get my car tomorrow.
January 20, 1983
It was my first day using BOSS, the new computer system. I went with Barbara to PRUDENTIAL for submission of my Auto Insurance payment (during lunchtime).
I called FORD and advised, “I will pick up my car on Saturday, January 22nd.”
January 21, 1983
January 22, 1983
I went to a Jewish Wedding with Barbara Reynolds in the Oakland Hills. It was enjoyable. I like how a group photo was taken (in B and W) of all of the guests afterward (with me included). I met Helen, her sister Geneva, June and Greg at TINGLE’S in San Mateo for drinks and dancing later .
January 23, 1983
I went to GRAND AUTO with Dad. I stayed home and peeled and ate roasted pine nuts (pinions) from Santa Fe, New Mexico.
January 24, 1983
I felt ill (was it too many pine nuts?). I stayed up to see JOAN RIVERS on The Tonight Show. I called Meredith in Sacramento and she agreed to attend Pat Shikuzawa’s Housewarming Party with me. Hoorah (?)!
January 25, 1983
It was a regular evening stretch workout. It was early to bed after my MACY’s Calvin Klein purchase.
January 26, 1983
There was a CONCORD INN Meeting about Pacific Telephone’s Divestiture from ATT that got rained out. I stayed home and watched DYNASTY since it was cancelled.
January 27, 1983
I went to STARGAZE in Fremont, a dance club for people who are 18 and over. I met Jackie Woods and a gal named Dina. I played pool and saw a nice blond guy who could have been a possible “squid” (Navy guy sailor-type).
January 28, 1983
I went to STARGAZE in Fremont again to see ‘The Squares’. I left and went to the Watergarden and then went straight home. What a depressing night.
January 29, 1983
It was a lonely drive home and the bridge over to Port Costa was scary.
I only had one kiss from Meredith. Will I ever see her again?
January 30, 1983
January 31, 1983
I showed off my new car to Suzy Miller.
I received a NEW BABY card announcement from Bonni about her baby, Crystal.
FEBRUARY 1983
February 1, 1983
I gave INEZ JONES, my boss, a Valentine. I also gave Valentine’s to Joan from Simi Valley, Pat Overschoun, Helen Wong and Barbara Reynolds. I am having fun working with Joan and Pat. I watched SHOGUN with my brother, John, tonight.
February 2, 1983
I saw the TOOTSIE movie finally at the SOUTHLAND CINEMA in Hayward with Barbara Reynolds. I had trouble with the clamps on my convertible top. Barbara cleared up the problem with the clamps. I love THE BABY’S ANTHOLOGY Album that includes these songs:
HEAD FIRST, 1978 from the album HEAD FIRST
ISN’T IT TIME, 1977 from the album BROKEN HEART
MIDNIGHT RENDEZVOUS, 1980 from the album UNION JACKS
MONEY, 1978-previously unreleased
BACK ON MY FEET AGAIN, 1980 from the album UNION JACKS
GIVE ME YOUR LOVE, 1977 from the album BROKEN HEART
TURN AND WALK AWAY, 1980 from the album ON THE EDGE
EVERYTIME I THINK OF YOU, 1978 from the album HEAD FIRST
IF YOU’VE GOT THE TIME, 1977 from the album THE BABYS
SWEET 17, 1980 from the album ON THE EDGE
February 3, 1983
I received a card from Barbara Reynolds where she wrote “Thanks for the exercise.”
February 4, 1983
I went to BLACK ANGUS in Walnut Creek for a change in ‘dance scenery’. I met a cute blond in a red top named Cathy. I also met a Country Palace chick who asked me to dance! I went to THE HUB (a gay bar in Walnut Creek) but I didn’t choose to go inside because of the $3.00 cover charge.
I decided to stop over at THE WHITE HORSE (a gay bar in Berkeley). I met Howard Edelstein MD. We talked a lot and he has the power of persuasion. We came to a mutual agreement to spend the night together. He was talkative, intelligent and rather charming.
February 5, 1983
It’s been six weeks since my last haircut. I went to PRO-CUTS.
Geneva called me. Geneva said that she, Helen and Greg all went to Pacifica to Greg’s pad for dinner. I went to Moss Beach. I saw STAR WARS, the movie.
Howard called me as well but I was not home.
February 6, 1983
I exercised a little.
I took a nap.
I went to Mervyn’s and JC Penney and bought a few things for Bonni’s baby girl, Crystal.
I went to Howard Edelstein’s cottage-like house that he is renting in North Oakland. I met his girlfriend/roommate named Seanne and a couple of other people named “Toes” and “Eb” (Eb is the nickname for Jeff). I don’t know the real name of “Toes”. I felt uncomfortable with Seanne, Toes and Eb because I wasn’t sure if they knew about the intro-circumstances of my meeting with Howard. I played UNO with Howard. I listened to Howard play the guitar.
February 7, 1983
I promised to call Renee Miller back.
I sent a “Glad to Know You’ greeting card to Howard and his roommate, Seanne.
I returned Jackie Wood’s call. I slept.
I called Howard during his break period at Highland Hospital (where he is an intern).
I called former coworker Debbie Honcik and promised a get-together. I telephoned Sylvia Rabe and learned that she is moving to Martinez, CA.
February 8, 1983
Barbara was not at work today. Per some lunch talk with other coworkers I learned that Barbara would not be at work tomorrow either.
I went to Howard’s house in the Claremont area of North Oakland. Seanne was not at home. We played...
Afterwards, Howard and I went to Fenton’s Ice-Creamery and we saw “Liz”.
I went to see Nici Maurino at a bar on Webster Street to show off my car. I called Seanne (Howard’s roommate) and we talked about TAROT CARDS and other little things that were of no consequence. It was interesting how she has a fascination with TAROT CARDS as well. THE SUN card, THE KNIGHT OF CUPS, THE KING OF WANDS and THE LOVERS suddenly come to mind.
February 9, 1983
Joan Lyons is back to work. I made a joke to her about HERSHEY KISSES (because they’re shaped like a breast/tit). Joan laughed and it was the first time I saw a black woman blush.
I called Howard at Highland Hospital. I called Koina Freeman at MILLS COLLEGE. I called that TAROT Lady named Dori from San Francisco.
February 10, 1983
I gave TAROT Readings at work to Dave Vigil, Beth Neroda, Gloria, Joan, and Pat.
I went to STARGAZE again and I met Jackie Woods, Catcha and Tiffany. I did some brief dancing.
I went to MACY’s for a new pair of pants and a shirt. I also had some yogurt at Bayfair Shopping Mall.
February 11, 1983
I spoke to Howard Edelstein on the telephone about general topics. He mentioned a German patient with a rectum problem.
I went to the San Lorenzo BLACK ANGUS and met Cherie from Alameda (she is thirty-four years old) who has a young twelve year old son. I also met Lisa Pingatore who lives in the Montclair area of the Oakland Hills. She’s a Skyline High School graduate and she’s very cute.
February 12, 1983
I went to JC PENNEY for a refund.
I went to MORRIS LANDY FORD for my license plates.
I ate dinner at the DIGGERY INN and made a date with Lisa Pingatore.
February 13, 1983
I had a morning argument with my brothers (John and Tony). I went to San Francisco with Barbara Reynolds and we ate at SCOTTS SEAFOOD and GRILL in the Embarcadero area.
I saw Joan Rivers perform “LIVE” and waited backstage to successfully get her autograph. I had a great hot-coffee float at MUNCHKINS on Church Street in San Francisco.
February 14, 1983
I went to Elisa’s house and gave her a blanket for her new baby that included a telephone rattle. I went to Geneva’s house after having lunch with Elisa at TOGO’s. I took some pictures. I managed to sleep.
February 15, 1983
I sent Lisa Pingatore a greeting card.
I called and left a voice mail message on Howard Edelstein’s answering recorder. Howard called back and gave me dates for our planned Mexico trip. He is so excited about going to Guadalajara. I admire his confidence with his Spanish speaking skills; however, his pronunciation and accent is NOT as good as mine. I must say.
I called Barbara to thank her for the Valentine’s Card.
John Armijo, my brother, tells me he’s in love with a ‘Greg Khin’ chick and doesn’t know her name (?).
February 16, 1983
I went with my brother, John, to GOOD NEWS in San Francisco.
I talked to Howard on the telephone (and I spoke to his roommate, Seanne, too).
I bought twelve greeting cards at GOOD NEWS. It's a great gift and card store in The City.
I found out that Joan Lyons—at work—is unmarried.
John’s parakeet was hanging out behind mom’s chinaware cabinet.
Dad said, “I’m going to have to clean up that bird shit!”
I laughed. It was funny. Dad laughed, too.
February 17, 1983
I called Lisa Pingatore from work and she had to get off of the phone to answer another phone. I felt like she was giving me the ‘cold shoulder’. When I called her back I left a message and a telephone number with her friend. I didn’t bother to call back again.
I went to the Berkeley Cleaners with Howard Edelstein. What an experience to observe people doing laundry this way. We went to a yogurt joint after Howard finished his laundry. Howard revealed to me about a fling he had with a German guy (while he's been seeing me). I was somewhat pissed off. I was disgruntled. It was odd because he felt a need to tell me. How do I react? How should I react?
February 18, 1983
Why does the thought of Howard Edelstein M.D. inspire and give me feelings of great envy. And yet, at times, the asshole pisses me off.
Oh how I love thee, Lisa Pingatore, let me count the ways. Or is it simple infatuation as of yet? Only time will tell.
I finished reading OF MICE AND MEN by John Steinbeck.
February 19, 1983
I purchased an ESQUIRE Magazine subscription.
I met Joanna Kalina. She is from New Jersey/Oceanside, a rich bitch (or a compulsive liar).
I went with Howard for Yogurt and Crepes. I locked my car door with the keys left inside. My brother, John, came to the rescue with the spare keys.
I saw Mark Beam again.
I saw Mona Armijo, my first cousin. Mona is cute—but quite petite. I met Susan Monkhouse at the BLACK ANGUS in Fremont, CA.
February 20, 1983
I had brunch at GALLAGHERS with Lisa Pingatore.
February 21, 1983
I went for yogurt and pizza with Howard in Berkeley, Howard is reading THE COLLECTOR by John Fowles per my recommendation.
Gain Namekata of PRUDENTIAL INSURANCE called me. What now?
I am reading TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.
February 22, 1983
I sent my first cousin, Mona Lisa, a Birthday card. Barbara Reynolds gave me the picture of Joan Rivers that she took of me while getting her autograph. She also gave me the one of my name imprinted in sand.
The trip to Mexico has been verified and confirmed. Howard and I will travel to Mexico together.
Jackie Woods called me.
Uncle Bob Vigil—or is he really a cousin---called for my Dad.
I spoke to Nici Maurino about the subject of masturbation. That was interesting.
Mark Beam called me—just because he saw me again recently I suppose.
Tony Armijo, my brother, may apply for a Service Representative Job in San Francisco.
I worked hard—as usual.
February 23, 1983
I went out for dinner with Lisa Pingatore once again. We ate at The Diggery Inn. Our relationship is a big question mark (?).
Suzy Miller called me. Barbara called me as well.
PHOTO: 1977 - Sheraton Palace Hotel
Suzy Miller and I at our Senior Ball
I receive my first AMERICAN EXPRESS Card bill and my first Madison Avenue Magazine.
February 24, 1983
I took mom’s homemade potato salad to work for Shirley Dubose’s Baby shower.
I went ahead and spent the night with Howard. It was awkward because I knew Seanne was in the other room and she knew I was there. She obviously knows.
We went for yogurt. Howard flirted with a girl and she rejected him after he asked for her phone number. What a jerk. I did some reading. I loved. Howard was distraught. What’s up with him?
February 25, 1983
I went to Barbara’s for Tupperware.
I finished reading TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.
I went to Helen’s to show her pictures of my new car.
I watched part of a silly movie called EMBRYO.
February 26, 1983
I walked with Debbie Honcik. We worked together as 411 Telephone Operators at in 1977-1978. We cruised through the Piedmont area and had a wonderful hike. We ate specialty burgers at THE STATION in Berkeley.
February 27, 1983
I saw the movies “SO FINE” and “POLTERGEIST” with mom and dad on the VCR.
I called Jackie Wood and we gabbed about someone she calls ‘impotent Mike’. I had to laugh. Jackie also informed me that Katcha either got fired or quit her job but she still came into the STARGAZE club last Thursday night.
February 28, 1983
I took the photos of Lisa Pingatore and my new car to work today. I wanted to show them around. I agreed to work from 7AM to 7PM on Tuesday and Wednesday. I went to bed by 8:30PM. I purchased a FILMCO Processing Package.
MARCH 1983
March 1, 1983
I worked from 7AM until 7PM. Howard Edelstein called me. Jackie Woods called me. Both of them called while I was in the shower. Jackie wants me to go to STARGAZE in Fremont on Thursday night. Howard wants to see a movie on the VCR on Saturday. I went to bed early once again.
March 2, 1983
Let me reminisce again back to junior high...
I went to Lincoln School in Alameda, CA. Eighth grade was rewarding with my share of girlfriends…namely Nici Kappellas, Marjorie Darrow, Vicki Coffin and, of course, Bonni Jayne (who recently had her first child on October 25, 1982 with her husband Rick Ludovicy). Bonni and I had our share of intimate relations though nothing really climactic (unfortunately). I had a shy side.
High school? Well, what can I say? I had a lot of autographs in my yearbook. Ninth grade was my ‘Suzy Miller’ year. She is still a great friend to this very date. Tenth grade was a drag. Eleventh and Twelfth grades proved inviting with Carole McRory (Maid of Alameda) as my escort to the Junior Prom. There was a brief crush on Colleen Morgal who was in the tenth grade, Class of 1979. Big deal. How about my crush on Renee Valenzuela or Laurie Nelson? I was in-love with so many cutie pies and never ‘entered’ one. Damn. It's never easy.
At age nineteen, while at the Great America Amusement Park in Santa Clara I found myself in love with a young teeny bopper named Stephanie Mason. I was in TOTAL LOVE, yet only had 'sexual exploration' without the actual intercourse. Her golden-haired pubic hair was quite beautiful. She was and ‘still is’ (I trust) quite gorgeous.
By the age of twenty I was attending California State University, Sacramento. I was in envy of the stamina of my next door neighbor, Jeff Thurman. He became my friend and he once invited me to his Protestant Church. It was 'okay'--but not my cup of tea. One time I was at Jeff's house and I had a little to drink and he was getting ready to go to bed when he stripped to his underwear in front of me. I thought it was almost a proposition. I never made a move--after all, he was my next-door neighbor. He also had a girlfriend. I just wasn't sure what to make of it. Once he went under the covers I felt it was a sign for me to make my exit. And so, I just went home.
My experience (living in my very own home) at 10209 Countryside Way in Sacramento was a rather lonely one. When I met Lynne Major in August of 1980 in a club in Old Town Sacramento I was in love all over again. What a beautiful Australian blonde bombshell (or was she Norwegian?). Yes, one of her parents was of Norway origin. In November of 1980 I was going through a difficult time. The period from Thanksgiving 1980 through April 1981 was an excruciating time for me as I was briefly admitted into Highland Hospital’s Psychiatric ward. Thereafter, I was placed at Gladman Hospital, a specialty psychiatric unit (all thanks to my parents' health insurance). The experiences I had there were fun, horrible and too many to get into right now. I remember I’d be overly medicated and call the nurses the names of other women I had dated.
The nurse named Toni Rossi resembled a girl I knew named Laurie Robertson while the nurse named Connie resembled Michelle Von Thaden. Laurie was one of the girls that de-virginized me (to a certain extent) at the age of twenty-one in Tustin, CA. I can still recall when Laurie sneaked into the spare bedroom where I was sleeping and she gave me a blow-job. Michelle was a girl in Sacramento (from the Loomis, CA area) who had beautiful tits (and great nipples that I loved to nibble on). Do I sound like an animal? Well, I’ve had my share of bad experiences as well. I can’t seem to forget the muscular stud who f#%$’d me one midnight when I had resigned from my work night as a Computer Operator in Downtown Oakland. He had a nice body but ‘what a pain’. I hated that experience so much. Why? Did I feel guilt? It wasn’t rape. I was a willing party. What nerve of him to give me his telephone number. It was as if I’d enjoyed what the damned mortician had done.
Then again, the experience I had in Hawaii at age 20 in June 1979 with Craig (his hometown was Palm Springs) made me a bit more interested in the male sexuality. Since my first man-to-man experience with Craig I have met Mark Beam of Berkeley during a new trip to Hawaii in November 1982. I do not dwell on this dude. Mark was merely a fling. What is it about a Hawaiian visit? The tropical feeling gets one in the mood I suppose.
My new buddy, Howard Edelstein, that I met on February 4, 1983 at a rarely visited bar in Berkeley is pretty cool (even if he is a bull-headed Taurus). He’s a doctor and that’s a plus. I do enjoy his comical and intellectual ways. He’s good company.
You know…pictures sure are worth a thousand words. I will have to try and take snapshots of everyone I mention in this book if at all possible. I can’t wait until my trip to Mexico (March 19, 1983 –March 26, 1983) with Howard Edelstein M.D. I won’t even dwell on the singles cruise in June of 1983 with Helen Wong, my co-working fellow Service Rep. Helen and her sister, Geneva, are such supportive pals. They’re great BLACK ANGUS dance partners, too (Ha-ha).
I worked until 6:30PM. I received my sculpture of the little boy holding the rabbit today. I like it. I like the innocence it projects.
I gave Barbara a ride home after work. It was a rainy day.
I watched DYNASTY and went to bed.
March 3, 1983
I went to the STARGAZE Club in Fremont and had my fair share of white wine. I felt ill in the middle of the night. STARGAZE was boring and I found myself leaving at 12:30PM.
Donna Van Amburg, a high-school pal I know, is now married. I learned this from a customer that knows her. Time flies and changes in marital status are inevitable.
March 4, 1983
I called Suzy, Renee and Michael Miller. Suzy was lounging around with her boyfriend, Don. Renee was watching the film titled THE KING AND I. I ended up going to see THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY with Michael Miller and his friend, Chris. I went to Jack-In-The-Box in Alameda and the three of us (Mike, Chris and I) discussed high-school proms, Mustang Ranch and movies.
I really loved THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY. There was a character (Linda Hunt) who collected files on people she knew. I found that to be such a wonderful idea. Sigourney Weaver plays a British Embassy Officer and Mel Gibson plays an Australian journalist as they become involved in a love affair. The political turmoil in Indonesia (set in 1965) added to the drama.
March 5, 1983
Howard came over to watch the film "TAPS" on the VCR. Then he left rather abruptly. I was feeling depressed after he simply left without much communication.
I went out for a drink. I had a screwdriver and simply returned home.
March 6, 1983
I dreamed a beautiful dream with Ann-Margret in her Penthouse hotel with little white mice. How could that be beautiful though? Ann-Margret and I made love. That’s why it was beautiful. I slept and I awoke to mice on the curtain rods (?). Yuck! I needed to escape immediately.
I went bicycle riding in Alameda. I was swift and riding with the wind.
March 7, 1983
After beginning my new book, THE BUTTERFLY REVOLUTION, tonight I find myself enjoying the format of the story. I thought I’d make my own book into that same type of format. So…here goes: “Why don’t I begin with the tidbit notes I’ve written in my daily planning calendar guide?” What a good idea!
I called Barbara Reynolds to discuss my Mexico trip. We also discussed Jim (Barbara’s lover—as she refers to him), MAD MAX (a Mel Gibson movie).
I sent Barbara a “waffle card”.
I sent Howard a “cheap motel” card. Sometimes I do find him 'cheap'.
I telephoned Jackie Woods and we spoke briefly. I updated my black book journal from December 26, 1982 to this date…exhausting!March 8, 1983
Today was a reasonably nice, warm day. I had lunch at 2PM for a change. I ate at the Pot-Belli Deli, the joint right across the street from the BASS Ticket Outlet in Downtown Oakland. After work I went outside (6:30PM) and it was raining! I had the urge to get my haircut, so I went to SUPERCUTS in Alameda. A gal named Kathy Brickett (a tubby blond) did the job.
When I came home I found out (per a message from Dad) that Howard Edelstein had called me. I returned his call. We exchanged some not-so-friendly phrases to one another. For instance, he claims he has a number of friends and only so much time to spend with them. What can I say? I have the same predicament but he became mad when I told him the invite for dinner tomorrow night was ‘tentative’. Of course, the invitation is still “on” and probably will take place but he was rather upset because some friend of his named Eddie had invited him out.
Howard shouted, “I rejected Eddie’s invitation because I’d made plans with you!”
All in all, I ended up visiting him tonight. I read THE BUTTERFLY REVOLUTION for a little while as he spoke on the telephone to some unknown friend. We shared almonds and cranberry juice. We went upstairs and he accidentally cut my pants with some small scissors. I took my pants off so that he could sew them. While he was sewing I read his medical and job experience resume. Eventually, time passed and he gave me a blow job in which I did not ‘come’. He ‘came’ later and I still hadn’t. I gave him a massage and we worked on the San Francisco Chronicle Crossword puzzle. And so—the question as to who seduced who is still up in the air. As for a possible ménage trois in Mexico with his friend (per his suggestion) was unbelievable. I very much doubt it! Yuck! A Mexican (?)…even if he is good looking…Yuck! (I think.)
There are still things I need to study and decide about my fairly new friend, Howard. I mean, I enjoy his company but I am somewhat hesitant now about any real relationship besides a regular man-to-man friendship. I mean, there’s still Lisa Pingatore who hasn’t been home (Bitch!). And there is Lucia Junquiera Franco, the girl I met in June 1979 on the airplane from Honolulu to San Francisco (who is from Sao Paulo, Brazil). She’s still a mystery. Whatever happened to Lucia? Our hot romance connection on that flight cannot be ignored. I must write to her again…regardless. After all, we do have a tentative engagement. And what’s with this tentative engagement with Geneva Wong? Is that all just for play? I wonder…or will we actually wed in July 1984. (Ha-ha).
I love that SAGA cassette tape. I am “Hungry like the Wolf” (a la DURAN DURAN).
There’s a guy at work named David Vigil who is very muscular and good looking. I know he is gay…bi or whatever. I know he wonders about me but I keep a low profile at work. I really have no desire for the dude (David) though I do wonder what he wonders. I especially began to wonder today as I browsed through some advertisements in David’s ESQUIRE Magazine. I should subscribe to that magazine.
One girl that I am interested in works at the Pot-Belly Deli. Believe me…she has no pot-belly. She’s really quite cute and with a nice ass, so she undoubtedly already has a boyfriend. I’ll have to comb the fields for another fine gal if this thing with Lisa Pingatore does not expand into greener pastures (if you know what I mean).
Helen Wong is still giving me somewhat of a cold shoulder at work. I am doing the same to her. One of us will break the ice soon. I’m sure of it. I could tell last weekend she made a point of my hearing her make plans for dancing and appetizers at MacArthur Park in San Francisco with David Vigil.
March 9, 1983
After a regular hard day at the office I drove to Howard’s house in North Oakland in order to meet my commitment for dinner. I also invited Seanne Paussa (his roommate) go join us for dinner. We went to The Taiwan Restaurant in Berkeley. We had dessert thereafter at The Latest Scoop. I love the espresso Italian ice-cream there. Oh yes, I also went to Moe’s Book Store with Howard and Seanne. I bought four used books: THE PRIZE, THE PAINTED BIRD, CALL IT SLEEP and THE PASSIONS OF THE MIND.
Anyway, let me dwell on this past evening. I think Howard really loves Seanne in a very special way. Why I feel a little jealous about it is unknown to me. Sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable when I visit them. It’s like tonight. I could tell they were anxious for me to leave (at least Howard seemed to act that way). I believe it’s because they don’t get to spend enough time together and tonight was their chance. Oh, I don’t know. It could be that I’m imagining it. I could sure tell doing the Chronicle Crossword Puzzle was “their” roommate thing. I felt like somewhat of an intruder by being involved with the puzzle.
I sure was flattered when Howard said, “You know, my four favorite friends are Seanne, Toes, Sidney and you, Michael.”
I’m a bit flabbergasted; yet, I do care for Howard and Seanne, too (for that matter). I’m glad I am one of his favorite people. I only wish he wasn’t as obnoxious as he is at times. I guess that’s just his manner. It does hurt me. The best thing to do about that would be to see him less often and on the occasions that I do see him will then be more rewarding. I am sure of it.Helen Wong is opening up with me a little bit more at work. Slowly but surely she is coming around. I can tell we miss each other.
PHOTO: Lisa Pingatore, 1983
I called Lisa Pingatore and she has plans this weekend. She claims she hasn’t been on any real dates, only friends. I think it’s because she recently broke off with one fellow she is in no hurry to begin another romance. Does she realize who she’s passing up? After all, Seanne and Howard even said, “our standards would be very HIGH for you” in matchmaking me. (Ha-ha). I wonder if my continued persistence of Lisa Pingatore will be worthwhile. I rarely even persist but I do like her. The outcome should be determined in a very short time. I promised to drop in on Saturday night (March 19th), at her place of employment (The Diggery Inn) between 8PM and 10PM.I even take it a step further sometimes and think that maybe his genius lies in the fact that the original cover, the first one I’ve peeled off and thrown away, that that’s the REAL ONE. That I’ve long ago abandoned what really is ‘me’. That it’s somewhere in the trash and I’ll never find it again.
-Olen Steinhauer
THE NEAREST EXIT
0 comments:
Post a Comment