-Janet Frame, An Autobiography
Approximately ’25 Years Ago’ I received a letter dated June 28, 1987 from Paloma:
Dear Michael,
Thanks for your card. I just got it today. Nice surprise. I thought you had forgotten me.
Well, yes my son is born now. He is exactly 24 days old today. He was born on Thursday the 4th of June and he is the most gorgeous baby I’ve ever seen (it is, of course, not because I’m his mother that I think this way!) You just can’t imagine how much I love him. I’ve never loved anybody that way. He is just so little and so cute. His name is Jonathan Alexandre (like his father). The name you’re telling me about that I really like is Valerian but Alexandre didn’t like it. We couldn’t agree on any name but Jonathan. I don’t know how it sounds in the States but here in France it’s a pretty fancy name right now because of all those American TV shows. That kind of bothered me but it was going to either be Jonathan or Alexandre. That’s what his father wanted and I didn’t. I thought about Michael as a middle name—in fact. I didn’t even tell his father. He is extremely jealous and I don’t’ think he would have liked that at all!
I won’t tell you about my delivery. It would take too long. Let me just tell you that I’ve been through hell for about thirty hours! That’s kind of long…don’t you think? I had some unexpected problems but we’re both ok now. I couldn’t imagine living without Jonathan now. I’m so happy to have him. You’ve got to live it. When I found out I was pregnant it took me a while to decide to keep him. I am now so glad I did. There is nothing else like having a baby…even if I am really exhausted. I’ve got time for nothing else. I live right next to the beach. Can you believe I haven’t been out once? When I was pregnant I didn’t want to go because of my huge tummy. Now I’m too busy. I’ve got to breast feed him every three hours and in-between I’ve got to change diapers, wash tons of clothes, feed his father, etc. I can’t even sleep well at night. These little creatures just love to party then!
I didn’t know you had two nieces. Who is the second one? I only knew about Ashley. Are you also gluing bows on Lauren’s head? As you can tell, I really liked that! I put headbands on Jonathan. Lauren’s middle name is Michael? That’s original.
I just got a really nice card from Monica three days ago. The address she gives me is in Kailua, Hawaii.
I don’t know if it’s her address or her parents. She tells me that she is just moving in to a new apartment with her boyfriend. I can’t give you her telephone number. I think I forgot my little book in Paris. I can’t find it. I’m sure you should be able to find it by yourself. I seem to recall that you were pretty good at that!
What’s your phone number by the way? I’d love to be able to call you.
I just noticed that you sent your last card on June 2nd. Can you believe that’s the day I got into the hospital…two days before Jonathan’s birth? Pretty funny, isn’t it? By the way, it took 25 days to get here.
London is only half an hour from Paris by plane but it takes almost all night by train because you also need to take a boat, of course. I’d love to see you in November but I won’t be in Paris. Where I live now is about as far as San Francisco to Los Angeles. I’m going to Paris in July with Jonathan.
You can talk about working out again. I still need to lose some pounds but now people are amazed when I tell them that I just had a baby three weeks ago. I don’t look like it. I’m already working on my abdominals even if I shouldn’t yet. It’s a bit early. Did I tell you that Alexandre has changed his gym? I’m planning on working out a lot there. I just got a letter from my friend, Carmela, too. Remember her? She also always writes me about her working out. I really got you both into it, didn’t I? Here…nobody really knows how much I was into body building.
So you are on your way to become a star…that’s great. I hope you will make it this way. Then we will see each other more often.
Well, I’ve got to stop writing. Jonathan is waking-up. I’ll send pictures soon. Hope to read you soon.
Love,
Paloma
Jonathan sends you a baby warm hug.
Sorry about my English…I never get to talk anymore and it’s just getting worse and worse…
March 28, 1983
It was my first day back to work and several people were in envy of my Mazatlan tan. I felt good about work today, too. I was fairly productive.
I also love my new pajamas that I bought in Mexico from that place called LAS FABRICAS.
I telephoned Suzy Miller and Silvia Rabe (high-school pals) from work. We had great chatting time.
My brother, John, said, “Oh you know…some girl named Cathy Ainlay called you from Walnut Creek.”
“Oh Thanks; now you tell me.”
March 29, 1983
Today was a drag with the computer terminals going down. I won’t even get into the fact that Judith McDonald (a coworker) fainted while on the job.
After the work day I took a shower and drove over to the DIGGERY INN in Montclair. Lisa Pingatore wasn’t working. I simply had some apple juice and left.
I dropped over to visit Renee Miller and left a note on her door. As I was posting the note Renee’s brother, Mike, arrived. He was walking upstairs as I was posting the note. It was nice to see him. I went upstairs and he showed me a bunch of his pictures. He’s really a good photographer, too. We also discussed apartments and contemplated the idea of moving-in together. That would be a great possibility. We went to look at a place on San Jose Avenue in Alameda together. Then we popped over at his mom’s house on Oak Street.
I like Mike Miller a lot.
I said, “If we move-in together you’d give me more incentive to go running!”
He laughed. I didn’t think it so funny because I know he’s a good runner.
I returned home and balanced my check book. I mailed my IRS refund check to the bank. That’s a mild treat.
March 30, 1983
What a surprise! Mom took the day off from work. I love when she does that. I ate fish.
Then I went to MAGIC VIDEO for a VHS recorder headmaster cleaner.
Barbara Reynolds and Silvia Rabe called me.
I love mommy’s company.
March 31, 1983
I had a couple of incoming ‘surprise calls’ while at work. One was from a professional football player named Roderick ‘Something or Other’. The other surprise was from Therese Pine, an administrative nurse that I remembered from GLADMAN HOSPITAL. They were both calling regarding Yellow Page Advertisting.
I went to WALGREEN’s with mom and we saw a movie called THE GIRL MOST LIKELY TO. We watched it with dad and my brother, John. It was pretty funny—and sad at the same time. The story was actually written by Joan Rivers. It was about a really ugly girl who is teased and ridiculed. Then she transforms years later into a vivacious beauty and gets revenge on all of those that were so mean to her. I loved it.
John is moving out. He found a place at the Park-Webster condominiums in Alameda. He’ll be moving-in with his friend, Marty Rivas.
I want to move out too. It would be great to have Mike Miller as a roommate. Maybe it will happen. Yeah, I have a good time with him.
April 1, 1983
It’s GOOD FRIDAY. It feels like an EASTER kind of day at work with all of the little Easter bunny décor. Barbara’s rabbit ears were floating around the office.
Juanita Lane said, “I didn’t come home last night.”
She plays games with me, saying that I’m her husband in a joking sort of way. She’s gorgeous.
Then she whispers to me, “I don’t date ‘white boys’.”
Is that a compliment?
Michael Padazinski came by my desk again.
I said, “You know, I may drop by this coming Sunday.”
He really wants me to spin by his place in San Francisco in my new wheels.
I went out with Mike Miller and his friend, Chris to see THE MEANING OF LIFE at the Festival Cinemas in Hayward. It was one of those silly Monty Python movies. Trust me…the title cut (The Meaning of Life) was NOT defined. What a ‘shitty’ movie! I enjoy Michael’s company though. The coffee float at FARRELL’s was so good. I got a free plastic mug to commemorate the evening.
That the idea of my suffering from schizophrenia seemed to me so unreal, only increased my confusion when I learned that one of the symptoms was ‘things seeming unreal’.
Van Gogh, Hugo Wolf, Schumann…all three were names as schizophrenic.
Great artists, visionaries.
-Janet Frame
An Autobiography
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