The Beginnings - Part 75: THE CHARACTER ACTIONS AND THOUGHTS ARE MADE-UP

According to Patrick Hourcade, ‘Karl Lagerfeld is by nature someone who needs to evolve, that is why he is so at ease in fashion, which is a world that is in a constant state of evolution. He doesn’t want stability; change is his life-motor. He is not unstable, he is insatiable, hence the need for nourishment all around him.’
-Alicia Drake
THE BEAUTIFUL FALL

The Beginnings – Part 75: THE CHARACTER ACTIONS AND THOUGHTS ARE MADE-UP

Wednesday, August 24, 1983

Besides another low sales day (only $200) I was still assigned to work in San Francisco during this ‘waiting game’ of the ongoing strike. Lilia, the Assistant Manager, makes the work environment fun though. She really is what a great AM (Assistant Manager) should be.

The highlight of my day was calling mom at home and learning that she was at my future Islandia Townhouse home at 3348 Solomon Lane.
I asked, “What are you doing?”
She answered honestly, “Well, I’m here talking to your dad.”
“What are you talking about?”
She surprised me with an out-of-the-blue question: “Is George a gay?”
Right then…I knew they had been reading my journal entries. I could tell she was heartbroken to learn what she had read. I was pissed-off that they were looking through my personal things.
“No,” I said, “Let me call you back…I have a phone call.”
After I hung-up the phone I figured I’d just let time pass and let bygones be bygones.

Actually, when I initially called mom I didn’t know really know if she’d read excerpts from my journal. I thought about it continuously and couldn’t figure out how they got the idea in their heads that George was ‘gay’. It’s funny now that I write about it.

When I returned home from work I found myself getting into a stupid conversation with Dad.
I said, “George isn’t gay!”
Dad kept saying things like ‘What if this…and what if that…”
I left because there was no use trying to explain to him that my journal is a book of fiction.
I lied by saying, “That journal is a piece of art…a novelty.”
In a way, it is very much a piece of novelty art through my eyes. I look forward to condensing the entirety of all of my writings one day.

I headed for the Alameda Townhouse and left with my journals and greeting cards in the trunk of my car. I needed to escape. I drove to Sunnyvale.
“I think my parents read parts of my journal…about you.”
“What?”
“Yes!”
And so, to get our minds cleared we went to see a double-feature: CUJO and CREEPSHOW. They were enjoyable films because they took our minds away. I don’t think George was totally satisfied by them but it was something I needed. I enjoyed them.

I left mom a note, explaining that my journal is partly fiction.
I wrote: ‘The character names are real people but the character actions and thoughts are made-up to make it more interesting for a potential storyline or plot…maybe even a murder.’

I thought of that word in Stephen King’s book, The Shining: REDRUM (which is MURDER spelled backward).
I thought, "This is killing me, another form of murder."
The question is whether my mom or dad would fall for what I was saying. I guess they can only assume that I am telling the truth. I don’t feel ready to disclose my true feelings. I’m embarrassed. I’m homophobic.


Rain would have been more appropriate for what I was feeling.
-Christopher Bram
SURPRISING MYSELF, a novel