I Need Answers

He sat down and carefully, very softly, played a movement from the Purcell sonata.   The notes fell into the stillness like drops of golden light, so softly that along with them the song of the old fountain in the yard could be heard.   Gently, austerely, sparingly, sweetly, the lovely separate voices met and mingled; bravely and gaily they paced their tender rondo through the void of time and transitoriness, for a little while making the room and the night hour vast as the universe.   And when the friends bade each other good night, the guest’s face had changed and brightened, although his eyes had filled with tears. 
-From THE GLASS BEAD GAME,
a novel by HERMANN HESSE

Diary Notes/Photos May 22-28, 1988

May 22, 1988
It was almost Memorial Day and mom suggested we visit the Holy Sepulchre Cemetery where my dad is buried.  
I agreed.  “It’s a good idea to go now instead of on Memorial Day when everybody is crowding the place.   Let’s go!”

Tony, Helen and the girls had been over for a visit.   They left for home in Castro Valley and Ashley was dropped off by Sherri.   The three of us left for the cemetery outing.   I drove to Hayward and arrived quickly and easily.   I sometimes forget which direction to turn on Mission Boulevard but I happened to get it right this time.

Mom manicures the area around Dad’s gravesite so sensitively.  
“I can’t believe you’re cleaning up everything…even the gravesites next to him,” I remarked.
“I bet no one would do this like me.”
“That’s for sure.”  

I got Ashley to pose with the flowers.   She was running around like this was a playground.   It was all quite amusing.   In a way, it’s nice to visit the cemetery and celebrate a life versus always feeling such sadness about it.   If it weren’t for Dad (and Mom) I wouldn’t be HERE…after all.   Mom posed by Dad’s gravestone—even if she did find it silly that I’d take a picture.  She liked the photo after she looked at it.  She posed with Ashley.   I posed with Ashley and mom was agreeable about taking the picture.

We returned home to mom’s house in Alameda and John came by to pick-up Ashley.  He brought along his new prize (Holly) and I snapped a father/daughter photo.  

I lounged for a while and kept my mom company.   We watched a movie and then I headed home, realizing I had another few days of work ahead of me until my grand Birthday weekend.

May 26, 1988,
My 29^th Birthday…

I received a postcard from MALAGA, SPAIN.   It was from Paloma, of course.   She also sent me another fabulous T-shirt.  On the back of the postcard she wrote: 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Michael!
I’m so sorry I’m doing this so late.   Will you ever forgive me?   I thought about you and my stepmother that day but I just haven’t had time to write to any of you.   Sorry about the card, too.   Love…

She included a separated note:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  Just a few words, I want this card to reach you on time.   I just want you to know that I will be thinking about you all day on the 26^th and that I really wish I could be with you.   I hope this T-shirt fits you and that you like it.   I thought it would look nice with your hair color.

Alex and Jonathan wish you a Happy Birthday, too…
Miss You, Love, Paloma—

Another Birthday card I received was from my maternal Grandmother, Mary Genevieve Leyba-Lucero.    I love how she finds these cards that are more appropriate for a ‘little boy’.   I suppose she will always see me that way.   I love it.   The imprint inside of the card read:

A grandson who’s as nice as you and dear as he can be brings so much pride and happiness to all the family.  That’s why this special message brings a lot of love to you and wishes for the very best in everything you do.   HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

She wrote:

Dear Grandson Michael,
Thanks for the pretty scarf you sent.   I have the collection you have sent me.   Very pretty scarves…I love you.   Grandma

It’s always nice to feel the LOVE on your Birthday. 

I was quite impressed by another admirer who sent me ‘3’ Birthday Cards.   No, it wasn’t Kelly.   It was Jeff ‘Sombat’ Sukjit in Honolulu.   Remember him?   I photographed him here back in July 1987 at his Hawaii apartment:   

Card #1 was amusing with an obese black woman pictured and the imprint inside read:   WEATHER IS HERE, WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL.  
Jeff wrote in his own personal words:

Hi Big ‘M’,

Happy B-Day.   Hope you have a great one.   This one may be getting to you late but I wanted you to have it.   Hope you like it and here are some pictures from the party.   Stephen got this card and said to send it to you.   I think it’s stupid but that’s my thinking.

Oh well…see you soon on the big bang…and THANKS for the B-Day card that you sent me.

Miss You, Jeff

Card #2 depicted a teddy bear on a hammock in a tropical setting and the imprint inside read:

BIRTHDAYS ARE SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO SLOWLY EASE IN TO!

Jeff wrote:

Didn’t know what card to give you…You deserve both!  Have a nice B-Day and have FUN, O.K.?   See Ya Soon.

…Just a reminder of sunshine.   Get here for some Hawaii sun.  Happy Happy B-Day to you.

Thinking 28…Miss You, Jeff

Card #3 depicted a bunch of teddy bears in a vase of daisies and the imprint inside read:

FRIENDSHIP LIKE OURS GROWS BETTER EVERYDAY!

Jeff wrote:

ALOHA!
Cute card, yea?   I think I went BEAR crazy on you but it was cute.   So…here are some pictures of the view and a little exercise bear to go along with it!
Miss You…Jeff

Fast-Forward JANUARY 2014… 
Sadly, I learned from our mutual friend (Karla Fennimore) that Jeff is now deceased.   Jeff was born May 17, 1964 and died at the age of 28 on February 16, 1993 of AIDS related causes.  He was also known as Jeff Sukjit and Jeff Berger.   Karla had said that Jeff had told friends that he had a blood transfusion at a younger age; however, whatever the circumstances it is a very sad loss for many.   Here is a photo of Jeff while he worked at THE WAVE in Waikiki in late 1980’s that I found on a FaceBook Page for 'Past Employees of the WAVE Waikiki 1980-2006':

May 28, 1988

It was Memorial Day weekend and ‘Jim from the Gym’ and I decided to escape the Bay Area for the Old Town area of Sacramento.   I was somewhat familiar, having gone to Sacramento State.   My former coworker, Judy Geniella, met us for a drink and I snapped a photo of Jim and Judy:

Jim and I had a blast.   He needed some space from Christine.   I was at a rock and a hard place with Kelly.   There were so many unanswered questions.  I was still head-over-heels over Kelly but I wasn’t seeing her as much as I would’ve liked.  

And so…Jim and I decided to check out the scene.    Something had happened.   I wasn’t quite sure…but I knew I would find out soon.   For now, I met a replacement gal for the night.   She was blond and I knew Paloma would resent that for she always thought I had liked her blond friend, Monica, when we first met.   I always told Paloma, “NO, it was your green eyes that captured me!”

Alas, now I find a blond tonight.   I certainly will not tell Paloma about this.   That’s for sure.   Anyhow, she lives in Sacramento and I think our distance from each other will not allow us to amount to anything.   I need answers about Kelly.   Why isn’t she returning my calls?    It’s frustrating.    What has Kelly in such a spellbound mood?

“Did it ever occur to you that MOOD spelled backward is DOOM?”
-Elizabeth Savage
THE LAST NIGHT AT THE RITZ