The Beginnings - Part 89: IT MADE ME SUSPICIOUS

“Open your mind, examine your choices.”
-as heard while watching the 2009 film
THE YOUNG VICTORIA

The Beginnings – Part 89:  IT MADE ME SUSPICIOUS

September 19, 1983

Thanks a lot, Nici Maurino! Now that’s what I call ‘nerve’. She’s a horny wench. She had the never to call me at 6AM this morning.
When I answered the phone and realized it was her I shouted, “I’m asleep!”
I managed to get off the phone and then she called me again at 6:30AM. We talked…or I should say ‘she talked’ until 7AM. What is her problem? Of course, by 7AM I woke up and got out of bed. I had to get ready for work.

Nici was trying to talk me into inviting her over to cook breakfast. Any other morning I might have taken her up on the idea but it was a Monday! Get Real!

Work turned out to be all right today. Pearl Trobridge was having her last day at the office. She is an Asian girl who is transferring to New Mexico. The idea of Pearl leaving the office made me dwell on my November 3rd date. This is the day I can place a job transfer request to another department or place.

I telephoned George at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS in Sunnyvale at around 2PM. I was surprised that he wasn’t at work.  It made me suspicious.  I spoke to his boss, Scott, for a short time. The tone I heard in Scott’s voice seemed to be as if he were hiding something from me.
Finally, I said to Scott, “Well, I’ll just call George later.”
I haven’t made another call to him though. I hope he will be able to go to GREAT AMERICA with me on Saturday.
I already informed my coworker (and new tub mate), Rose Rodarte, that I was going to GREAT AMERICA. It almost makes it mandatory that I go there. I need the fun times of an amusement park for my weekend.

Susan Espino is still looking around for a new apartment. I would have mentioned my place but I don’t need little Michelle around. Susan is a single mother with a little girl named Michelle. In addition, I think a coworker would cramp my style. This mysterious Toby ‘girl’ that called me would be a good candidate. She has bartending hours.

After work I dropped my payment off at MACY’s at Bay Fair Shopping Center. I took the opportunity to get my hair trimmed at PROPER CUTS by some chick named Kathleen. She was ‘okay’. I am still wondering how the new haircut will grow out.

After my haircut I drove home and hopped on my bike to see the beautiful view along Shoreline Drive. The sky was pink and purple. As I was riding my bike some great songs came on including Elvis Costello’s “EVERYDAY I WRITE THE BOOK” and “RUNAWAY” by 1,2,3. It felt good to ride and hear these songs. My inner thighs feel a bit sore. Luckily, it’s a good muscle-building sore.

I kind of miss George when I haven’t seen him for a few days.

I wonder what happened to Susan Low. She hasn’t called me back or anything. It’s as if she has disappeared from the face of the earth. I am going to give her one more chance. I need to find out about next Tuesday night. We discussed seeing the new Nastassja Kinski film together called EXPOSED. I will call her later this week.

I am waiting for the Ann-Margret/George Burns Variety special. I am guessing that Ann-Margret may have finally received the cards I sent to her in care of NBC. They have not returned back to me. I hope she received them.

“Lead me not into temptation.”
-Richard Burton
THE NIGHT OF THE IGUANA, 1964 film

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The Beginnings - Part 88: CHOICES

“Choices are sacrifices, so inevitably that means giving up on something that you want more.”
-WHITE COLLAR TV series
Season III

The Beginnings – Part 88:  CHOICES

September 14, 1983

Sweet Salima brought me two cookies this morning. How sweet she is! What a body on that girl!

I can’t recall anything eventful that happened throughout my work day. There was a point in time when Susan Espino and I were looking at the JOBS HANDBOOK. I was interested in two specific job titles: ANALYST and ADVERTISING SALES REPRESENTATIVE. I will cross my fingers on November 3, 1983. That’s the date in which I can place a transfer for both of these positions.

After my work day I took a relaxed bike ride. It made for a more relaxed evening. It was a great feeling. I rode home and ate a slice of CELESTE PIZZA with a refreshing 7-UP.

I was getting ready for bed by 8:30PM. I knew it was another busy day tomorrow.

I was suddenly awakened at midnight by a phone call from George. He was so excited.
“Mike, I may get a job at Fiberglass Company, making ten dollars an hour!”
“That’s great.” I said while in half asleep mode.
Lucky him! Maybe he will move-in here after all. Who knows? We talked a bit more about how we don’t get to ‘get together’ enough. Soon it was time to hang up our respective phones. I tried to sleep but couldn’t fall back asleep, so I took a shower. It refreshed me. Then I went to bed and entered dreamland.

September 15, 1983

The week has gone by swiftly. It is already Thursday night and I haven’t received one call about the townhouse rental. Oh well…such is life. I can only ‘wait n’ see. Time will tell.

I went for another bike ride and noticed a trim fellow who always nods at me as he is jogging. He seems nice enough.  I

I haven’t seen Sharon while riding my bike lately. I did see a cute blond yesterday evening while I was riding. I didn’t see her tonight though. I love riding my bicycle.

I bought a greeting card today during my lunchtime at the Hallmark shop. I intend on sending it to George. It depicts two champagne flute glasses. It’s a classic, romantic picture.

I must write to Paige LaBrie and Maria (the one in Mexico) tonight.

I have my GREAT AMERICA Amusement Park tickets for September 24th. George and I will have a great time there. I can’t wait. We’ll have such fun on those action-packed rides.

My Lean Cuisine dinner hit the spot. It was excellent. I loved it.

I guess I cannot be totally surprised that my cousins (Mona Armijo and Cindy Vigil) are getting married. They’re “lookers”.

September 16, 1983

Work flew by. I had a nice chat with Elena Kasberg on the BART train. We discussed Ann-Margret, our current jobs and our future career plans.

I drove to Sunnyvale after work to attend Scott’s Birthday party. Scott is George’s boss at the WHEREHOUSE RECORD store. The party was at Joann’s (the Accounting Manager’s house) who is ‘doggish’ looking. She also has an illegitimate child. The party was a bit on the dead side.

The party aftermath was remedied when George and I went to see a movie that I rather liked called FLASHDANCE.

I spent the night with George. We couldn’t wait to get under the covers. We slept on his sofa bed. It was a bit lumpy but we had a good workout (as usual).

Earlier in the day while I was at work a customer by the name of Mary Martinez kept calling me.
She announced professionally, “I just spoke to a supervisor in your office and she told me you were a very conscientious worker and that they were looking for a way to promote you.” I just had to call back to let you know.”
“THANK YOU so much. I appreciate it.”
I was thrilled with this news. It made me wonder who in my office had said such kind things about me. I would love a managerial position. I wouldn’t mind the responsibility. I could handle it easily. The extra bucks wouldn’t hurt either.

September 17, 1983

George and I woke up to a little more action. Then we were greeted by George’s cousin, Richie, who happened to stop by. Richie is definitely NMT (Not My Type). We were also greeted by Toni, the black wench who also dropped by.

George, Richie, Toni and I went to CARL’S JR. a little later for a bite to eat. We bumped into Scott and Steve.

Toni joined George and me for a visit to Santa Cruz for a little fun in the sun. It was quite fun. We found ourselves unwinding to a bit of white wine. I couldn’t help gazing into George’s blue eyes while sipping the white wine. We really had a pretty good time. In fact, I usually do have a great time when I’m with George. We walked along the Boardwalk and I discovered some other sections of Santa Cruz.

George and I made a commitment to one another as ‘Best Friends’. I was happy about that. When Toni departed from George’s house I ended up staying the night again. We relieved each other a couple of times.
George said, “You’re an excellent lover.”
I had to second that statement for him. We had a good time this weekend. No two friends could be as close as George and I.

September 18, 1983

George and I went for breakfast at COCO’s (on my American Express card, of course). Rats!
George said this morning, “I have a problem deciding whether or not I should take that job with Fiberglass, knowing that I will be rotating between three shifts. School won’t be easy to arrange into this schedule.”
“School is important.”
“Yeah, I know…and our relationship could feel a dent with our not being able to see each other as much. The money of over ten dollars per hour is too good for me to pass up. I’m also tempted to just take this job at SIGNETICS, making five dollars an hour.”
“The decision is yours, George. You know you have to make your own choices. You have to weigh the pros and cons.”
He knows the pros and cons as well as I do. I merely pointed them out to him again.

Oh yes, I finally met George’s sister, Cathy, yesterday. She’s very nice looking and seems to be quite friendly.
George said, “Cathy and her roommate, Denise, are avid party goers.”
“Denise is so ‘not my type’.”
“Oh…but you could go for my sister, huh?” George asked.
“Maybe. She is cute…just like her brother.”

After breakfast I drove George home. We expressed our farewells after I helped him carry a dresser outside that is going to get refinished.

When I arrived in Alameda I was happy to have received my deposit from THE TIMBERS in San Leandro. It was a mere one-hundred and sixty-five dollars but it will come in handy.

Mom accompanied me to WALGREENS for a few things and we walked along Park Street. Park Street was closed off for a street fair. It felt like there was a nuclear war and we were two of the few remaining people left. It started to get more crowded though and we found it nice to walk along Park Street without the cars coming through.

Mom and I watched the film LADY CHATTERLY’S LOVER on her VCR. I found the story to be very good.

Michael Miller called after the movie and he came by to see the Townhouse.
“I like it.”
However, Mike is very indecisive about moving in as my roommate. I wish he’d just bite the bullet and go for it. We played a game of chess. I won but it was his first game so it’s nothing to brag about.

I received two calls about my newspaper ad while Mike was visiting but I asked them to call back. They were both girls named Toby and Terry.
Toby called back. She’s twenty-five and works as a bartender. I told her my brother worked at GALLAGHERS in Jack London Square.
Toby said, “How funny…I may get a job at GALLAGHERS. The townhouse sounds great. I’m also attending school. I work nights, of course.”
Toby seemed outgoing and friendly. She sounded decent-looking but voices can be deceiving. She will be coming by to visit on Tuesday evening. I will see what comes of it. She’s willing to pay $350 per month. That’s good news.
I advised Toby, “There’s no deposit required.”
I figured if I required no deposit it would entice a quick, positive decision. I know it was good news for her.
She surprised me when she said, “Some black dude had a place to rent but I didn’t think that would go over very well with my folks.”
“Oh…well, I look forward to meeting you, Toby.”
The other girl named Terry never called me back.

It was strange and eerie to watch KNIGHT RIDER, a TV show, because the main character is named Michael and he met an old flame named Stephanie Mason. I also had an old flame by that name and the memories came flooding back. I remember Stephanie Mason very well. I wonder if she saw this episode of KNIGHT RIDER and thought of me.

Mom noticed Paige LaBris’ photo (the one her mother gave me).
Mom said, “She’s beautiful.”
I was surprised that she said that. I guess one could say that she is but she does need to lose a few pounds.

“If in doubt…throw the first punch.”
-Glenn Close to Rose Byrne
DAMAGES, TV series Season IV

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The Beginnings - Part 87: DRIFTING OFF TO DREAMLAND

“Who IS what they seem?”
-Rebecca Pidgeon
THE SPANISH PRISONER, a 1997 motion-picture

Twenty-five years ago:

Photo: Michael Miller, September 28, 1987

…A visit from Mike ‘photo’ at 3348 Solomon Lane, Alameda, CA.

The Beginnings - Part 87:  DRIFTING OFF TO DREAMLAND
September 13, 1983

Work is fun with Salima Nasardeen nearby. She’s a beautiful black doll. I’ve been massaging her shoulders ‘now and then’ too. She loves it. Today, I walked with Salima to the BART station. We discussed ‘Susan Low’ of Moraga.
I said, “The only problem is that she hasn’t called me…what a wench!”
Salima cracked-up in laughter, “I love your way with words.”

Dad surprised me by painting the first coat of my living room wall. That was so nice of him and I let him know it.
I told Dad, “You know…I received two rental inquire phone calls today.”
One of the calls was from an older sounding gentleman. The other was a young lady but no one has called all evening except for George. It irked me because he called me COLLECT from Los Gatos! I hate when someone calls me collect.

I ordered over two-hundred dollars worth of clothes (and two pairs of socks) from the INTERNATIONAL MALE Catalog. Oops! It was naughty of me. I know I am low on funds but I need to look good for work. Oh well…I only live once. Heck.

Tonight I cruised over to mom’s house on my bike for dinner. I watched parts of THE EDGE OF NIGHT. I love when mom tapes those episodes for me on her VCR.

Nothing much happened today except for the fact that Sue Reppert, my new supervisor, gave me some closed time (from incoming phone calls) for a good hour to take care of call-backs and follow-up work.

While having lunch with Helen today there was this black dude from the RTOC (Residence Telephone Order Center) named Jesse who intruded on our conversation. It was okay. He was pretty friendly even though he looks like a bear.

I went to bed after I finished my Frusen Gladje Natural Strawberry Ice-Cream. I was wondering if George might call me or a new prospective rental inquiry. It didn’t happen. Just before drifting off to dreamland I was thinking how George really likes me a lot after our great encounters this past weekend. I feel the same way.

“Thoughts started taking precedence over feelings.”
-Narrator from VICKY, CRISTINA BARCELONA
A Woody Allen motion-picture

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The Beginnings - Part 86: DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE

Jagger to the other Israeli soldiers: “If I told you I was a faggot, what would you say?”
A period of silence…
One of the soldiers: “Shall I be honest…You’re very pretty, so I think we’d all want to fuck you.”
-as heard while watching the 2002 film from Israel
YOSSI and JAGGER

Twenty-five years ago today:

Photo: Siblings - Suzy and Mike Miller: September 27, 1987

I took this spontaneous candid photo of Suzy and Mike while we were dining at a local Alameda restaurant.

The Beginnings – Part 86:   DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE

September 11, 1983

“Good Morning Paige!”
Yes, Paige telephoned and I went to pike her up at the Holiday Inn. I doubt that is where THE POLICE was staying before their concert but never mind. She was there, wearing her ‘Valley Girl’ sweatshirt from MACY’s.

I brought her to Alameda and she ‘hit it off’ with George pretty well.

George, Paige and I went to breakfast together at OLE’S WAFFLE SHOP. George and Paige became better acquainted.
Paige kept saying, “I need a clove.”
She went on and on about craving cloves. They’re also known as clove cigarettes. My view is that ‘a cigarette is a cigarette’. George could identify with her as I learned that he was also familiar with clove cigarettes. I had never heard of them until today.
Paige said, “You can buy cloves at 7-11.”

After breakfast we went to South Shore Beach and I took a photo of George and Paige at a STOP sign on Shoreline Drive. After a few more snapshots we cruised over to the Alameda Flea Market. It was fun.

Eventually, I drove to Sacramento to take Paige home. George tagged along. We dropped her off at her house after a few other stops. I stopped over in Old Sacramento, my former school (Cal State University Sacramento) and my old house at 10709 Countryside Way in Sacramento.

Paige’s mother greeted us. She was very sweet to me. She also handed me a Senior Portrait photo of Paige. We took a few more photographs of each other before we left. I allowed George to drive my car back to Alameda. I wasn’t in the mood to drive. We made one stop at a ROUND TABLE PIZZA in Alameda.

Once home I said, “Let’s take a Calgon bath.”
That Calgon TV commercial worked on me. It was a nice idea. We took a bubble bath and felt so nice and clean. I felt like I was at a slumber party. I jumped on my bed and George followed my lead. We fooled around a bit and it was a very climactic episode.

September 12, 1983

I soothed George’s troubles today by getting money orders for him for a total of one-hundred and eight-nine dollars. I hoped he would appreciate it. I know he will. He knows how much I care, love and treasure his friendship. We have a dear bond. I can imagine how he must have felt being referred to an outside credit agency.

During lunchtime I was surprised by Helen’s kindness. She brought me some homemade butterscotch cookies and a macaroni salad. What a doll!

I arrived home from work at about six o’clock. Apparently, my dad had come over to the townhouse and he had a lengthy talk with George. George never gave many details but I guess it was a good talk.
George said, “Your dad is a nice guy.”

George was being doing domestic chores upon my arrival. He was watering down the small patio in his cute, little black shorts.

George and I went shopping for dinner.

I actually have to drive him home to Sunnyvale tonight because he has to make a vital payment that will clear his credit problem. I wasn’t in the mood to drive to San Jose but I did it. Ironically, that song by Dionne Warwick came on the radio while I was driving:  Do You Know the Way to San Jose.

“It’s always there…the chance to change your life.”
-as heard while watching the 2002
Swedish film, A BREACH IN THE WALL

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The Beginnings - Part 85: IT WILL BE A QUICK ONE

A human being is a part of the whole called by us “universe”, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and foundation for inner security.
-Albert Einstein

The Beginnings – Part 85:   IT WILL BE A QUICK ONE

Wednesday, September 7, 1983

I couldn’t hold back. I telephoned George Jones during my lunch break today. I actually reached him and we talked. We now seem to be in good terms once again. I feel better. It seems he has a number of job prospects in the Bay Area.
“What are you doing today?” I asked.
“Well, I planned a lunch with my sister, Cathy, at BENHIHANA.”
“Oh, that’s the one sister I haven’t met yet.”
“That’s right,” George laughed.
“I know you'll have a good time.”
“I will and I’ll call you tonight…at five-thirty or so.”
“That sounds good.”

Helen Wong, David Vigil and I discussed our plans for this coming Friday night. It looks like I will be driving to Sausalito. I’m not too thrilled about that. Shit! Helen may be spending the night here in Alameda at my townhouse. George wanted me to possibly pick him up in Sunnyvale on Friday night; however, I doubt I will be doing that if I’m going to be going to Sausalito after work.

George and I will still be seeing those movies on Saturday night. George may spend a four-day weekend here at my pad. He will get a good feel for Alameda. We really had a good talk. I feel our bond is getting closer once again.

I had another soothing bike ride. After the ride I came home to a little television and a couple of sandwiches. I was thinking that the odds are good that Helen Wong, Barbara Reynolds and Susan Low all received the cards I mailed them on this very day. I have yet to hear a word from any of them.

Earlier today Helen invited me to go to GALLAGHERS in Jack London Square this evening. I passed on the offer because I can’t be gallivanting and spending my limited money on cocktails.
Helen asked, “How about Bobby McGee’s tomorrow night?”
“I’ll let you know,” I replied; however, I think I will pass on that too.

Thursday, September 8, 1983

Hurrah! It’s finally payday.

I saw my high-school classmate, Mary Halverson, at the BART station yesterday. Maybe I will see her again today.

I am wearing George’s lavender shirt. I can’t get any closer to a reminder of him than wearing his clothes, right? I suppose this is true. I received quite a few compliments while wearing it today, too.

I telephoned George once again and suggested we go to the Great America Amusement Park. I made reservations at the MARRIOT for September 24th. I know we’ll have a good time.

I actually contemplated a visit to George tonight; however, he did not call me like he said he would. Creep! I even gave his telephone account a $48 credit. I bet if I credit him another $75 he will call me.
PHOTO:  Paige LaBrie, Alameda, CA 1983

I telephoned Paige LaBris in Sacramento. She was so excited.
“Oh My God, Mike, I’m going to THE POLICE concert this Saturday night!”
“You are?” I asked.
“Yes, my girlfriends and I have a hotel room on the same floor where THE POLICE are staying!”
I laughed, thinking ‘what a teeny-bopper fanatic’.
Paige said, “I’ll call you on Saturday and we’ll see about getting together on Sunday!”
“Oh good…I can’t wait to see you!”
I thought, “Paige is such a doll.”

Helen Wong telephoned and said, “I loved the card you sent me. That verse about ‘memories and friends are treasures forever’ is so wonderful.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I was so pleased that she was pleased.

Dad called me and he confirmed that he is all done with the wall in the living room. Now all I need to do is the paint job.

Tammy surprised me with a phone call.
“So…I wondered what had happened to you on Tuesday night.”
“I remembered how I don’t like ‘the vibes’ at the skating-rink, so I decided not to go.”

I ordered a few clothes items from the SPIEGEL Clearance Catalog. I also received my comforter and shams that I had ordered from the catalog. They look so nice on my bed. Now I only need the brass portions to complete the look.

I went for an evening bike ride along South Shore beach. I feel good about myself. I’ve started tagging vitamins every morning. Helen has influenced me with that plan. After the bike outing I went to mom’s house for one of her classic tuna sandwiches. I watched an episode of THE EDGE OF NIGHT and THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, too. It was good entertainment.

Before bedtime I dialed Helen’s phone number and we had a nice chat. Then it was time for a good night of sleep.

September 9, 1983

Tonight is the big night at ZACK’s in Sausalito with Helen and David. Who knows what will be after that outing?

Tomorrow night it will be George and ‘Mel Gibson’. I anticipate Paige LaBris for a Sunday visit. The weekend will be pretty full and I predict it will be a quick one.

I followed Dave and Helen in Dave’s red Honda Civic to Sausalito. It was fun cruising in my car along Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. Once we arrived at ZACK’s we didn’t feel it was “LIVE”, so we went to HOULIHAN’s and ate appetizers there. I had an orange juice and champagne concoction. It was extremely refreshing. Dave left fairly quickly as Helen and I chose to return to ZACK’s and simply ‘hang-out’. Helen and I shared some fairly good conversation.
I thought about Dave’s silly comment of a ménage trios between the three of us. I laughed it off.
Helen said, “David can be pretty blunt at times.”
“That’s putting it mildly.”

Mom surprised me last weekend when she said, “My brother, Ernie, and his wife, Sharon are getting a divorce. Sharon has cirrhosis of the liver and she may not live long.”
To top off this news mom said, “Trina had a baby and has been married for about five months.”
Trina Lucero is my first cousin who was born on April 9, 1967.
Mona Armijo (b. February 22, 1964) is my cousin on my dad’s side and she will be getting married on September 25th. We’re invited to the reception. What a surprise! Life changing events happens so fast.

Saturday, September 10, 1983

How yucky! I saw a guy on Park Street in Alameda who was spitting out from his mouth. He was experiencing some sort of trauma.

I put an advertisement in the local Alameda Times Star newspaper for a roommate. I quoted $350/per month. I wonder if I will get any inquiries. It’s a deal for this pad.

I drove to Sunnyvale for George. We had an erotic experience on his living room floor. It was only because we hadn’t seen each other for a full week. The kisses were so nice and voluptuous. It truly fazed me in a good way. We went to Los Gatos for his key chain at some old Native American Indian turquoise and silver shop. I liked a pendant that I saw there but I didn’t buy it.

We cruised up to San Francisco and went to GHIRADELLI SQUARE to eat at The Whale’s Inn. We gazed into each other’s eyes. It was a romantic moment.

I found a Mona Lisa T-shirt that I bought for my cousin, Mona Lisa while we were at the square. We headed back to my pad in Alameda, stopping at SAFEWAY. We happened to run into my mom and dad. We exchanged a few pleasant words with them while in the grocery store.

George and I enjoyed the comfort of my new comforter on the Queen-sized bed once we arrived at my place. We relieved each other excitedly.

We decided to head out to Berkeley to see the ‘Mel Gibson’ flicks. They were extraordinary films. I especially liked GALLIPOLI. It was a special film. I saw a lot of ‘George and myself’ in that movie as I was moved by the friendship that formed between Mel Gibson and the other runner (actor Mark Lee). It was a very touching film. The only uncomfortable thing was the heat we felt inside the movie theater. It was so hot. I think there was an air-conditioning problem.  I was burning up.

Paige telephoned me on this night while George and I were in the middle of a very intimate moment. It was an unfortunate interruption.
Paige said, “I’ll call you in the morning so we can arrange a time to meet.”
“Okay, that sounds great.”
George and I continued ‘in love’ mode and had a very pleasant night of sleep.

Quicksand is just a suspension of sand in water, sand that’s become so saturated it pours like a milkshake—something temporary, not a permanent booby trap.
-Diane Ackerman
A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES

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The Beginnings - Part 84: ALWAYS HAVE A STRATEGY

He began to believe that a great many things that he saw had a hidden significance, apparent only to him.
-Sylvia Nasar
A BEAUTIFUL MIND

Twenty-five years ago today, September 25, 1987

I wrote the following letter to Paloma last night and mailed it today, September 25, 1987:

September 24, 1987
Thursday Night

Dear Paloma:

I just noticed my last letter to you was dated August 24, 1987. It was only five days later, August 29, 1987 that a tragic event happened in my life. My father died of heart failure. It all happened so fast. It’s still hard to write when I think about him. I miss him. And to know I won’t be able to talk to him when I want to anymore is very hard.

It was Saturday morning when it happened. I called my mom and told her I’d be over shortly. Then she said she heard a noise because she had just awoken herself. She called me back and told me to rush over because she thinks dad had a heart attack. I rushed over and my dad was lying on the couch, looking very pale, in a cold-sweat, and bruised and cut at the forehead as if he’d faller or even been hit by someone. He didn’t look well at all. But of course he claimed he was okay and said he just had indigestion. My brother Tony arrived and we called 911 and the paramedics arrived from the Alameda Fire Department. The firemen asked my dad what day it was. He told them Saturday morning and said that he’d had a few too many beers the night before. When they asked him if he was in pain anywhere he said yes and pointed to the middle of his chest and the fireman said that was too high to be indigestion and that they were going to have to take him to the hospital. And so, I followed the ambulance (my mom road with him).

My mom and I were in the waiting room.
The nurse came out and said, “He will probably be admitted to the hospital and have to stay the next night or two in our critical care unit. He is very ill.”
My Dad’s blood pressure was very low and the nurse said the doctor would be out to talk to us shortly. I figured he was in the hospital so all would be okay. However, I had a feeling it was getting more serious. The nurse came out again and took my mom and me into the emergency unit, into a small room, to wait for the doctor. When the doctor arrived he said, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could.” And, of course, after that statement I believe a major portion of the hospital heard my mom scream. Then I started to cry…then, Tony, my brother, arrived and then John, Sherri and Ashley arrived and were told. It all just happened so fast. The funeral was September 3, 1987. Alas, it is over now, but I miss him very much. I know you met him once. He liked you.

I’ve been trying to get back into the routine of things. I went back to work after a one week absence. I’ve slowly embarked on bike outings and visits to the gym but those are far and few between. My mom went back to work at the post-office this week. She’s doing much better.

I’ve registered for an acting class at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco. It begins on October 6, 1987 (Tuesday nights from 6PM to 9PM). I’m going to get a flavor for acting and see if I have potential before I even really go all out into pursuing it. I still do want to return to school for Psychology though.

Here are a couple of photos of me that I had duplicated for you. The one with me in my bike shorts was taken in March 1987 when I was tan and had definite fat rolls showing. The other was just taken on September 17, 1987. I’m wearing my Dad’s lamb’s wool jean jacket and a Donald Duck T-shirt that my mom bought me at Disneyland.

I miss you.  How are Jonathan and Alexandre? Send them ‘hello’s’.

I’ll be in touch again sooner or later. I just wanted to let you in on the latest goings on. I only wish it didn’t have to be sad news, but I’m feeling better about the whole thing. It really takes time.

Have a happy day and work on that tummy. I know I’m going to.
Always,
Michael Joe Armijo

PS-My roommate is moving out October 1, 1987 because I told her I was going to raise her rent from $300 to $500 per month. That scared her away. She’s an irresponsible 20 year old that I’ll be glad to get rid of.

PS#2- Stephanie Alexander, the gal I met in Hawaii, is supposed to come and visit me on October 16, 1987. That ought to be fun. She’s nice. I like her but as far as how serious it will all get is yet to be announced. I haven’t seen her since July. I need to see her again to refresh my memory.

The Beginnings – Part 84:  ALWAYS HAVE A STRATEGY

September 6, 1983

It is mom’s 48th Birthday today. I phoned her during each of my work breaks.  It would have been nice to spend the day with her.

This morning I happened to run into Mary Halverson, a high-school classmate, while waiting for the BART train at the Fruitvale BART station. She’s a real sweetheart. She gave me her business card and wants me to call her. I thought that was very nice of her. She is an attractive redhead (although not of the Ann-Margret quality).

I am also pissed-off at myself for picking up the phone during my break today to call George. I didn’t want to call him at all but I couldn’t help myself. I am so upset at how he suddenly changed his mind about moving-in with me. Someone must have influenced his decision. I really don’t understand it. When we went to that San Jose Flea Market last Sunday he was buying things for his new room. It was only a few hours later that he had changed his mind due to some problem about acquiring stock proceeds/dividends. Needless to say, I had no luck reaching him. He was sleeping when I called during my first break. He was getting ready to go lay out by ‘the pool’ with some neighborhood gal when I called at lunchtime. When I called on my third break he was having lunch with Kevin.
George was abrupt: “I’m having lunch with Kevin. I have to go.”

I will not be calling him anymore. I don’t even thing I want to see those Mel Gibson movies with him on Saturday. He hasn’t called me in so long. It seems as though I’m on a ONE-WAY street.

I telephoned Tammy and she’s going to the gay skating rink tonight. Hmm…interesting.
Tammy said, “I’ll be going with Shawn.”

Work was very busy. I was able to leave the office at five o’clock though. BART is so convenient that I find myself getting home earlier (5:25PM or 5:30PM). It’s better than the driving and dealing with the commuter traffic.

I also called Michael Miller today.
“Why don’t you come over tonight?” I asked.
“Okay…if not tonight maybe tomorrow. I want to see your new pad.”

I am dwelling on my last conversation with George.
George shouted, “You call me a liar all the time!”
In a way, there are times when I know he does lie. Some people lie so well but I can read through him. Why does that creep keep coming up in my mind?

Susan Low is still somewhat in the corners of my mind. I’m indecisive about her. I am thinking of Tammy too; however, she’s such a Barbie Doll. Ha-ha.

After the BBQ chicken at mom’s house I came home and didn’t wash my car like I had intended. Instead I rode my bike for four rounds along Shoreline Avenue. It was an extensive and invigorating ride. It made me feel good as I was listening to some great, new KQAK tunes like ‘FASCINATION’ by The Human League.

While sipping orange juice at home I got the urge to phone Tammy (aka Tamra K Duhr, b. 1966). I felt like seeing her tonight but I dreaded the idea of visiting the gay skating rink. She somehow persuaded me into going. She always seems to cheer me up with her wild way with words.
I said, “Okay, I’ll go. Why not?”It will make my week move along faster. I figured I could stop over at MACY’s at the Bay Fair Shopping Mall beforehand, too. I wanted to browse. Money is tight and there is no point in spending.

Oh heck! There was a change of plans. Nici had the decency to give me a call and I decided to invite her over to my place because we had such good conversation about her one-night stand, our having a baby together and the fact that Tammy is draining every last drop from me. Nici had a new story about her recent lesbian propositions.
Nici saw photographs of Tony and John and said, “Your brothers are so cute.”
Nici had hinted of jogging over to my place but she didn’t.
I said, “How lazy…you should have jogged over.”
“I know, I know.”
I had jilted Nici that last night at THE TIMBERS when I went ‘hot-tubbing’ with Tammy, so I decided I’d jilt Tammy for Nici tonight.

Nici was sweet enough to bring some Chinese wonton appetizers for me. We played chess. She won this time. I was ahead through most of the game until the very end. I had made a couple of wrong moves, forgetting the object of the game. The key focus should be to CHECKMATE the opponent’s KING. In a way, that focus to be on-guard is true in real-life. Everyone wants to overpower their mate in some respect. Yes, remember to always CHECKMATE one’s KING.  Always have a strategy.  I tend to lose focus only to find myself striking out all of the bishops, knights and pons in order to find myself alone with the KING. I think it’s because I want the game to last longer. Or is it that I want to be alone with the KING? It’s funny how games work.

He had no need to dominate, took no pleasure in commanding; he desired the contemplative far more than the active life, and would have been content to spend many years more, if not his whole life, as an obscure student, an inquiring and reverent pilgrim through the sanctuaries of the past, the cathedrals of music, the gardens and forests of mythology, languages and ideas.
-Hermann Hesse
THE GLASS BEAD GAME

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The Beginnings - Part 83: THAT 'DAREDEVIL'

In short, there are sunny days, and there is memory, and…hardest of all…there is choice.
-In a letter from Ned Spofford to Newton Arvin
THE SCARLET PROFESSOR by Barry Werth

The Beginnings – Part 83:   THAT ‘DAREDEVIL’

September 5, 1983

Well, George wasn’t home this morning. I have a gut-wrenching feeling that he was having an explicit, discreet affair last night with this Rob character. I am pissed-off (to say the least).

Today is Nici Maurino’s birthday. She just called me and I don’t like the idea of someone being alone on their birthday, so I’m going to ride my bike over to her place on the west side of Alameda. I will hand deliver her Birthday Card.
Nici made me a mushroom cheese omelet. She disclosed some secretive information.
“Michael, I feel so guilty.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Well, because I picked-up on some guy and made it with him. And now…I’m not sure if I’ll ever see him again.”
I thought, “How slutticious.”
That’s my own invented word, of course.
I replied sincerely, “I can understand how you might feel that way…but it’s over and there’s not much you can do about it now.”
“I know…you’re right.”
As we continued talking I announced, “I wish I had a baby girl.”
She laughed and we kidded around about our having a baby together. Were we joking? I wondered if she was really serious or not. There was one moment when I got the feeling that she wanted to screw around but I left before anything got started.

I rode my bike along South Shore Beach and then I headed home to the Islandia Townhouse on Solomon Lane.

I finally telephoned George and actually reached him.
George was energetic and said, “I tried calling you last night at eight o’clock and at midnight.”
It’s true that I wasn’t home.
I asked, “Where were you?”
“I was at Dick’s with some of his friends in the East Side of San Jose. We were having a little party. That’s all…it was a dead party and no one would drive me home.”
“Oh…well…aren’t you going to move-in here to Alameda?”
He listened as I tried to use some power of persuasion.
Finally, George said, “I just don’t think I’m ready financially or mentally to move out on my own.”
I simply don’t understand him. I did persuade him to come up for a week to look for a job though. He seemed rather hesitant about it.
Suddenly George perked up and said, “You know…it’s probably not a bad idea.”
“Okay, good.”
“Well, I have to get off the phone now because I have to go wash clothes at my step dad’s house but I’ll call you back when I get back.”

He never called me back. Was he with Rob? I still have that little dark, suspicious spot hanging over my head. I really believe he may be screwing around with someone else. He knows what my reaction would be if that is the case. I am still wondering.

I didn’t totally forget about mom. Her Birthday is tomorrow. I delivered her Birthday Card. It made her happy.

I also telephoned Tammy Duhr. We exchanged our usual ‘hello’ and matched mutual flirtatious lines.

Then I finally broke down and called Susan Low. I needed to know why she didn’t show up at LILY’s.
Susan said, “I was there. I was there at about seven o’clock.”
“OH…well that explains it. That’s around the time that I decided to scram.”
I was happy about the misunderstanding. I mailed Susan a card. I also wrote one to my coworkers, Helen Wong and Barbara Reynolds.

I am truly annoyed with George because he failed to call me back as promised. I don’t really want to speak to that ‘daredevil’ now.

I am pondering ideas for an alternate roommate. My brother, John, might be a possibility. Mike Miller is a possible option, too. For now…it may look like a newspaper ad will be my next route. Another door will open.

“Every obstacle to which we do not succumb is a benefactor.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The Beginnings - Part 82: NO HANKY-PANKY

There are those points that will never be resolved because opposite opinions cannot resolve themselves: they can either be overlooked entirely or tolerated.
-THE DIARY OF ELLEN RIMBAUER
My Life at Rose Red

The Beginnings – Part 82:  NO HANKY-PANKY

Sunday, September 4, 1983

At 11AM George wasn’t home when I tried to telephone him. Wonders never cease. I accepted an invitation to accompany mom to SAFEWAY for my own grocery shopping. It was a needed escape to stop dwelling on George.

After enjoying breakfast at mom and dad’s house I returned to my Townhouse to empty boxes and organize things. I sorted out some wall hangings in all of the right places. After feeling like I accomplished something I went for a bike ride.

I was home by 3PM. That’s approximately the time my Dad arrived to plaster the wall a second time (where the ugly wood paneling had been). Now all that needed is another coat of paint and it will look like an entirely new living room.

I tried to phone George one more time but to no avail.

I slept upstairs. It was hot. The day was beautiful. It was too nice of a day to be true. When I woke up I called mom and suggested we rent a couple of movies. We went to the local video store and we mutually selected THE BLACK STALLION and VICE SQUAD.

I joined mom and dad for a dining experience at MEXICALI ROSE. It was a pleasure to share the pitcher of margarita with them. We had our usual great time together. The three of us watched THE BLACK STALLION together. It was a very good movie. I left at the start of the second feature (VICE SQUAD). It was already midnight and I wanted to get home.

I telephoned Nici Maurino when I arrived home but there was no answer. I tried calling George again, of course. He wasn’t home per his mom.
George’s mom said, “In fact, I called your number today, trying to find him myself.”
“Oh…no, he wasn’t here. Well, just let him know I called.”
Now I really don’t know where George was gallivanting (and with whom). Why do I think he is with that Stanford University guy named Rob? If he is with him…then what? I still have doubts about him.
Yesterday, George said to me, “It would kill me if you stopping seeing me.”
That’s ironic. If this was true, then why didn’t he call me today? He wasn’t at Dan and Ken’s apartment either.
When I called their apartment Ken said, “I haven’t seen him all day.”
Is George lying? What is going on? I need more information.

I tried calling Nici Maurino again and I finally reached her. She came over to my place at around 2AM. We looked at pictures and she really liked my mirrored tables.
Nici said, “I really like this place. It looks like a guy’s pad…and a girl would be out of place here.”
I laughed, “Well, you’re here and you don’t seem out of place.”
We played a couple of strategic games of chess. She needed this relaxed visit after that crazed boss tried to make the moves on her. We had a good time and then she left. I went to bed. There was no hanky-panky. Ah shucks! Oh well…until the next time.

Generosity always rewards the giver.
-D. M. Thomas
THE WHITE HOTEL

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The Beginnings - Part 81: FORTY WHACKS

When people gamble, they think only of winning. They never think of losing. Remember this: Someone has to lose and it’s just as apt to be you as the other fellow.
-Betty Smith
A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN

The Beginnings – Part 81:  FORTY WHACKS

Saturday, September 3, 1983

On this pleasant Saturday morning George and I went to the San Jose Flea Market. It was interesting and ‘kind of fun’. George bought a few things. I didn’t buy anything. That’s okay because I am low on funds.

Tonight George and I have made plans for dinner at a place called NEON’s (or something like that). After the dinner I plan to drive back to Alameda. I had hoped to start moving some of George’s ‘stuff’ to the Townhouse but it looks like it will be more of a money-saver if he moves-in on Monday as he plans to borrow his step-father’s truck. I am still waiting for George to access some extra boxes from WHEREHOUSE RECORDS.

George suddenly reacted in a very bad mood. I found out that he was upset because he learned that he couldn’t get a hold of some stock investment proceeds (for some extra cash flow) for another four months.
I said, “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“It’s just that I’m financially unstable in terms of moving-in right now.”
I think he wanted me to front him some cash even though he didn’t outright ask me.
George continued, “It’s really a leery situation with your womanizing.”
That statement really upset me. Suddenly, it all came out that he had made a big decision.
“I’m not going to move-in with you.”
His statement got me quite disgruntled.

It was around the time of this revelation that Kevin called to invite us out for lunch.
I agreed to the outing and then the tension began to build and I finally called Kevin while George was in the shower and said, “I think we’re going to pass on the lunch. We just have a lot going on right now.”
When George came out of the shower I said, “I cancelled the lunch. I’m just going to leave now.”
George said, “I predicted you were going to say that.”
“Yeah, I just need to go.”

I arrived home and assemble my lamp. My folks stopped by for a while. Dad is doing such a good job on the screwed up wall where all of that ugly wood paneling had been.

Later I chose to give George a call by phone.
George confessed, “You know…there are some other financial problems that I really didn’t want to discuss.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Well, there are a couple of returned checks from ALPHA BETA and REGAL Shoes that I’m dealing with.”
“That’s a pain.”
“Yes, didn’t you see the letter on the table?”
I answered, “No.”
I actually had seen a collection notice due from him for sixteen dollars. I didn’t let on that I had seen it.
He said, “I have this collection notice for sixty-eight dollars.”
I thought, “What a liar—as far as the amount.”
I couldn’t help but feel like he was hoping I would say, “Don’t worry…I’ll pay it off for you.”
I didn’t say that. I hung-up the phone after he gave me these additional excuses about not moving-in with me.

After I hung-up the phone I began to really wonder if he actually did go out with his Grandmother and Uncle on Friday night. I had the feeling that he went out with Rob, a twenty-six year old Stanford University fellow. George strategically left a note from Rob on the table as well. Rob wrote something like this:

George,
Good luck as you enter a new direction.  If only we’d met before this because I really like you. You’re a special guy…
Rob.

I did ask George, “So…what are you doing tonight?”
“I’m just going out with Kevin, Dan, Ken and Richie.”
“Richie?”
“He’s my cousin.”
I later learned that Kevin spent the night with George. They’re just friends, so I didn’t give it a second thought.

I ended up sleeping with Lizzie Borden on TV as I watched the TV movie starring Elizabeth Montgomery. As I watched the story I wondered whether or not George deserved forty whacks himself as per the Lizzie Borden nursery rhyme:

LIZZIE BORDEN TOOK AN AXE, AND GAVE HER MOTHER FORTY WHACKS
WHEN HER MOTHER HIT THE FLOOR SHE GAVE HER FATHER FORTY MORE.

I was still foolishly thinking and wishing George would move-in with me.

He ate slowly, suspending each forkful in the air and examining it to be certain of its perfection. He didn’t demand perfection…he simply expected it.
-Joanna Scott, MAKE BELIEVE

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The Beginnings - Part 80: I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME NAMES

Men fight for nations and squirrels fight for nuts.
There is little difference between the two. It is only a matter of dimension. The size of a walnut against the size of the world. Ultimately, the prize is one of possession.
-Martin Booth
THE INDUSTRY OF SOULS, a novel

The Beginnings – Part 80:   I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME NAMES

Friday, September 2, 1983

George was fairly unstable last night over my Susan Low situation. I can understand how he feels but he seems to think I’m on the search for a female companion and relationship. This may very well be true.
I tried to explain, “IF it happens…fine…but I’m not ‘on a search’ for it.”
I like George but it bugged me when he said, “I’m leery about moving-in because of your womanizing.”
I guess he’ll have to live with it because I won’t stop seeing Susan Low if she (and as long as she) wants to see me.
I implored George, “She will probably make flimsy excuses about wanting to see me anyway. We’re not an item. Like I said before…she’s a special lady but I don’t know what’s going to happen with us.”
I refrained from saying how I could easily fall HOH (Head Over Heels) over her.

This morning George blurted out, “You’re WORTHLESS!”
It wasn’t because of Susan Low but because I failed to vacuum after he asked me to. He was also pissed-off because I wouldn’t feed his mom’s dog or pick up the dog. I didn’t appreciate his statement.
I shouted, “I don’t LOVE it when you call me names.”
I shouted it that way because I had just heard that song I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME NAMES by Joan Armatrading.
After he called me ‘WORTHLESS’ I know he could tell that I was a little disturbed.
After he said it he calmed down and asked, “Do you want a drink?”
I guess I was being a bit nasty, too.
While George was blow drying his hair I yelled, “Hurry up! Can’t you just let it dry by itself?”
It was all rather uncanny when that song came on after I told him to ‘Hurry up’ (I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME NAMES).

When my folks read parts of my journal entries last week I recalled telling Tammy all about the horrible incident.
I said, “Tammy, the journal really IS fictional…and a future ‘good’ book.”
Tammy replied, “Your parents will probably always carry that doubt and question about the homosexuality trip.”
“It doesn’t matter. I know who I am…what I am…and I am still learning about myself through others.”

I realized that my newest companion (Susan Low) has made me think through a few things more closely. She’s ‘HOT’ in a very different kind of way when I compare her to Tammy. I think Tammy acts a bit too overtly sexual in her walk, talk and look. Susan on the other hand looks gorgeous and at the same time has a wholesome, natural quality about her.

Tammy made a point by saying, “I really want you to call me so we can go out more.”
And now I am thinking to myself, “Sure…but now there’s Susan and she’s 'A-1 steak sauce' right now.”

George wonders where he stands in all of this. I consider him to always be there. I hope he will be. He will inevitably make the final decision to cut our ‘close’ relationship off. It will not be me. It’s just like Frank; however, that was somewhat of a relief after I got to know the semi-feminine prankster, tattler, gossip guy that he can be.

I cannot wait to see Susan Low tonight in San Francisco at LILY’s again. I know I will be back in Sunnyvale tonight so that I can help George move-in with me on Saturday. We will have to check out the San Jose Flea Market together as well. I wonder if we’ll run into anyone we know at the flea market. It was funny last night after we’d seen the film THE OUTSIDERS at Scott’s pad (with his boyfriend, Steve) and some other blond chick (who smokes).
We stopped at the ALPHABETA grocery store and I said to George, “I saw you eyeing that bag boy.”
He laughed and replied, “You’re just like Ken is to Danny.”
I thought, “It’s true though…he did ‘eye’ the young fellow. And I have a heavy ‘eye’ for Susan Low…so time will tell.”

And so, time foretold.  I went to LILY’s via BART from the Fremont BART Station and ‘the itch-bay’, Susan, wasn’t there.  So…la-dee-dah.  I will have to wait and see on that one.  What kind of excuse will she give me?  If any?  Does she even owe me an excuse?  I’d say so.

I was back in Sunnyvale by 9:30PM. George was working at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS until 10:30PM.
George explained, “I have to go out with his grandmother and Uncle Calvin tonight.”
“You do?” I asked.
“Yes, we’re going to see RETURN OF THE JEDI.

I have to admit that George going out with his grandmother and uncle to see RETURN OF THE JEDI on a Friday night seemed pretty ‘fishy’.  I had to guess and believe that it was the truth.  He arrived home at around 2AM; whereby, we slept a good one.

He liked watching his boyfriends sleep; spying on motionlessness is a rather specialized erotic discipline. Sleep’s secret is that the snoozer is by no means paralyzed.
-ANDY WARHOL by Wayne Koestenbaum

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The Beginnings - Part 79; EVERYDAY I WRITE THE BOOK

I read, confident that reading would make me a better person. Reading spoke to me through my pride. Music spoke directly to my emotions.
-Christopher Bram
SURPRISING MYSELF, a novel

Twenty-five years ago today: September 20, 1987

Paloma wrote me a letter dated the 20th of September 1987:

Dear Michael,

Or should I call you doctor? It seems that you are just full of projects. That’s great. I think it’s just the way to get somewhere. If you don’t try anything you won’t get anywhere. That’s for sure. And that’s just why I’m going to become a top designer for children’s clothes. I’m planning to start this winter since I can’t do much with my baby. I’m going to do it all by myself. I mean, create, make and sell. I’ve already created lots of things. Now I need to go get some material, leather and stuff. I hope it works. I’ll send you pictures but it’s still going to take a while because right now I’m pretty busy. We’re moving to a new apartment. I think I told you the house where we are belongs to my parents-in-law, so we’ll keep coming here very often. You can write at this same address for now. I’ll give you my new one soon. We’re going to a great place but I don’t know for how long we are going to stay there. It’s a little expensive for us. We’ll see how things go.

By the way, my son’s name is JONATHAN, with an ‘A’ at the end. I’m sending you a new picture of him. I’m not taking pictures of myself anymore. He is going to be my favorite model.

I think you are very lucky to have two new babies in your family. I’m just crazy about them now. Alexandre’s sister is expecting one for February. She was pregnant at the same time I was but she lost the baby. It’s too bad…now they’re going to have an eight month difference.

Jonathan is, of course, pretty big. His father is kind of really big and I’m not that short either, and he is going to become Mister Olympia in a few years. Can you imagine that he was already training in a gym when he was two weeks old!

I can’t wait for some new pictures of you. I love to get your letters and pictures.

Don’t worry about Alexandre. He doesn’t read my mail, not the English ones at least. He can only say a few words in English.

It seems you miss our long conversations, too. I remember we used to stay on the phone for hours and laugh so much! I’m sure we’ll be friends for the rest of our lives.

I’m really happy the pig you have as a roommate reminds you of me! You are just so sweet, love you too, Michael!

Of course, I think about the states very often. When I think of you, the Walsh Family, Carmela and a few other friends I miss it very much. I loved frozen yogurt pies and Domino’s pizza. Where I live now is very much like California. It’s kind of like a French Santa Cruz with hundreds of people at summertime. It’s empty at winter. I also have the beach and pretty much the same weather. There’s a BURGER KING but they don’t have good hamburgers in the country.

Of course, Jonathan is potty-trained. He also does the dishes and cleans the house and drives the car…smart kid, isn’t he?

You’ve got plenty of time to get married and have kids. You must think about it twice before you do it. You are right. It’s terrible for a kid to grow up without his mother and father. I can’t imagine living without my baby now. Nobody has ever loved me the way he does. I can see in his eyes. I’m the most important thing in his world for him. When he wakes up and I look at him he smiles. He looks so happy to see me. That’s just something I’ve never felt before. He only wants to be in my arms. He trusts me so much.

Every kind of life has its ups and downs. I also sometimes miss my single life. I’m sure someday you’ll find the person you’re looking for…no rush.

Well, Michael, I’ve got to send this letter now. I want to get one of yours fast—that is why. So I just hope everything is going great for you and I hope to read you soon.
Love,
Paloma

The Beginnings – Part 79:  EVERYDAY I WRITE THE BOOK

Thursday, September 1, 1983

Hurrah! I have the day off tomorrow. I love to start out a new month this way.

David Vigil said, “Next Friday we have to go out for Happy Hour again in The City…or Sausalito.”
“Okay, that’ll be fun.”
I know that I want to keep seeing Susan Low though. She’s very special to me.

There’s a great new song by Elvis Costello that I really love called EVERYDAY I WRITE THE BOOK.  It’s so ‘me’.  I guess one could say that’s exactly what I do. I think this is a book for the 90s (or perhaps the turn-of-the-century). I mean…it’s heavy stuff!

Another card that I mailed to Ann-Margret returned to me with the stamp “UNABLE TO DELIVER”. I will try to send it in care of NBC-TV. I’m determined for her to receive it somehow. I love that lady!

I drove over to see George in Sunnyvale. We were overdue. I spent the night at his house. He took his time coming out of the record store today. I sometimes wonder if he really wants to leave that job.

I was rather happy that I was about to make almost $400 per week beginning November 3rd. I will be making $429.50 to be exact. I suppose that’s actually ‘chicken-feed’ to someone like Ann-Margret. I must find out her actual address.

Helen and I went to the BASS Ticket Office joint to see what concerts were forthcoming. I also accompanied her to get her shoes fixed at a shoe repair store.
It was funny because the lady said, “It will take me three minutes to fix this.”
It ended up taking most of our lunch hour.

“…you have to do whatever makes you happy.”
Have you done what makes you happy?
“I’m not sure.” I said. “I’ve tried. I haven’t always succeeded.”
-Mary Morris
ACTS OF GOD, a novel

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The Beginnings - Part 78: NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN

It is scary to discover that one’s future is one’s past. The anticipation of a world is inevitably the myth of an eternal return.
-Jules Verne
PARIS IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY, the Lost Novel

The Beginnings – Part 78:   NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN

August 29, 1983

It was my first day back to work in Downtown Oakland. The old gangs of fellow workers were there and it was actually nice to see everyone again. It was a very busy work day though.

I spent my lunch hour with Helen Wong.
I made my announcement proudly: “I met someone I really like!”
“You did, who?” Helen asked.
I explained about my meeting Susan Low during a Happy Hour in San Francisco the other night. I neglected to mention about the possibility of her being a possible celebrity. After all…it is likely. I know she sings well.

After work I took my bike out for an extensive, exhilarating ride along the beach. It felt so good. George urged me to drive down to Sunnyvale. While I was tempted I didn’t go because it was a work day tomorrow and I simply wasn’t up for the drive.

I went to mom and dad’s house. I ended up watching a couple of movies with my brother, John. We watched A STREET CAR NAMED DESIRE and THE EXORCIST II. After the films I went straight to bed.

George and I haven’t done anything ‘sexual’ since last Wednesday while we were at the Drive-In movie theater (not watching the Stephen King film CUJO). So I think we are both kind of nerve-racked.

I must admit that I did get a rather scrumptious kiss from Susan Low on Sunday night though. It stays with me still.

Tuesday, August 30, 1983

Barbara Reynolds returned to work after her one day Jury Duty assignment. I ended up having a very good day of sales. I drove in to work with my brother, Tony. We got along well for a change. I think it’s because we haven’t spent too much time together lately.

I went to the new Townhouse after work and brought a lot of my furniture. My Dad helped me. He’s such a thoughtful guy. When Dad left I did a good job of emptying boxes. I also set up my Queen-sized bed. It feels good to accomplish so much in one day. I can’t wait until everything is all set up. I am also looking forward to George moving-in on Saturday.

I also have Friday as a day off. I’m ecstatic about something else. This Friday I will see Susan Low again. I can’t wait to see her.

Jackie called while I was at my new pad (the Townhouse). We had a nice chat.
Jackie said, “You know, Mike…some guy I used to date has syphilis.”
“Oh my God…he told you that!”
“Yes, I knew he visited MUSTANG RANCH, a whorehouse, in Las Vegas but he claims that he got it from some other girl in Fremont.”
“He sounds like bad news.”
“I agree.”
I guess Jackie just needed to vent her latest troubles. I lent my ear as any friend would do.

I telephoned George and he seemed to be having a very good time at work. He shared some vivid ideas and thought of what he wants to do to me (sexually). It is driving me wild.

I saw the Miss Teenage USA pageant tonight. It’s funny how these teeny bopper beauty contestants look like they range from age twenty-five to twenty-eight.

Wednesday, August 31, 1983

Work was all right. Helen and I went to the Health Food store together. I bought some multi-vitamins and some Vitamin E per her suggestion.

I received a collect call from Bonni Jayne in New York today. I only heard about it because my Dad said he answered the phone but he didn’t accept the call.
“I would have accepted it if you were at home,” my Dad said.
“It’s okay…she’ll call back if it’s important.”

Michael Padazinksi called as well.
Dad said, “He said he’d call you back.”
I’m still waiting.

I went to the Service Center and Doug Siu gave me a new telephone. After I set it up I received the phone call from Michael Padazinski.
“Hi Mike.”
“Hey Michael…I’m so glad you called. I heard that you quit and I was wondering what had happened.”
“Yes, that’s why I’m calling. I wanted to let you know because you’re one of the few people I really liked there. I decided to quit the phone company to join the priesthood.”
“The priesthood?” I asked, feeling rather puzzled.
“Yes, it’s something I’ve often thought about and finally decided to take this path.”
I was supportive of him and felt an admiration for choosing what he really wanted to do. I envied his move after he spoke so positively about it.
I asked myself after I hung-up the phone, “Could I do that?”
I thought I ‘perhaps’ could join the seminary. It has crossed my mind more than once. Then I immediately shunned the idea.

Nici Maurino had phoned me earlier and asked, “Do you want to go to dinner?”
I was thinking of going but I ‘faced her’ and pulled a no-show. I should have gone because she called me later and I learned that her ex-black blood bartender boss tried to rape her. She was crying. I felt so bad. The only reason I didn’t meet her for dinner was because I had previously promised Tammy Duhr one last visit to the Jacuzzi at THE TIMBERS in San Leandro. It could only be done this one last time since I’m officially moved-out of there tomorrow (September 1, 1983).

It was nice to see Tammy again. We caught up on things. I do like her and I know she enjoys my company as well. She is just a bit to risqué for me at times. It’s not that Tammy is a ‘bad gal’. In fact, when I am alone with her I don’t feel that way at all.
Tammy, herself, said to me, “I feel sane when I’m with you, Michael.”
Those words meant so much to me. We kissed good night.
She said, “Michael, I want to see you again.”
We both simultaneously promised one another with the same words: “I promise to NEVER say NEVER again.”
We also made a pact to see that 007 Movie together: NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN (starring Sean Connery and Kim Basinger). I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

She has infected the place with optimism, the very germ we’ve needed.
-John Rolfe Gardiner
SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE, a novel

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