The Beginniings - Part 70: YOU NEVER KNOW

“Sometimes my family’s secrets were so well kept that even those who once knew them forgot what they knew, and maybe that was the real point. We kept secrets not to hide things from the world but to hide them from ourselves.”
-Margaret Hawkins
HOW WE GOT BARB BACK

The Beginnings – Part 70:   YOU NEVER KNOW

Monday, August 15, 1983

The last thing I remember last night was when Helen Wong called me.
I said to Helen, “I’m not going to work.”
However, I did go. I took BART this morning to San Francisco and the picketers that were there (who I did not know) called me names.
They shouted, “Scab, Scabby!”
It didn’t really faze me. I had my SONY music headphones on. It was easy to ignore them.

I shared my first break with David Vigil, a fellow coworker who couldn’t afford to miss a paycheck also. David took the initiative to invite me downstairs to the cafeteria. It kind of surprised me. I guess he’s okay when he is in the mood to socialize (even if he is a femme fatale).

During my lunch hour Suzy Miller and I met and we had some cream of vegetable soup at some hole-in-the-wall joint. We talked for a good while. It seems that she is quite overtaken with this whole Christianity business right now.
I said, “I’m moving back to Alameda.”
She was interested in the details. I mentioned George Jones and the possibility of him as a roommate.
“Are you sure you can trust him?” She asked.
I found myself trying to prove he was a nice guy and would be a good roommate.
She gave me one of her 'you never know' looks.
I also received a card in the mail from Suzy. It was very sweet of her. I found it quite different for her to send a card when it wasn’t a Birthday or Christmas.

Working in San Francisco was not really so bad. The food in the cafeteria was free. They treated us to an ice-cream Sundae later in the afternoon.

After the BART ride home I took a bike ride to The Donut Factory. Unfortunately, Tammy wasn’t working. The cycling was still worth the trip. It was probably more worth it than seeing her.

I phoned George before I left for my bike ride but his mom answered the phone.
George’s mom said, “Oh…he’s out for the evening.”
I thought that was a strange comment and it made me wonder where he went gallivanting.

Barbara Reynolds called me.
I confessed, “I couldn’t take it and I went to work in The City.”
“You did?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you have to do what you have to do.”
I think she understood my predicament. As I discussed Tammy I found it interesting to hear Barbara’s opinion.
Barbara said, “I don’t think you really like Tammy.”
I believe I agree with her statement. I like her as a friend but not as more. I mean, I know I ‘kind of’ like her but George really described her well one time.
George had said once, “Tammy is so plastic!”

All in all, I guess I’m still having dinner with Tammy tomorrow night. I am sure George will come up to go to the gay roller skating rink because there is some movie-making deal that is going on there. I don’t really want George to call me from the skating rink. I despise driving there. I hope he doesn’t expect me to go with him to San Francisco a lot. I’m not really into going out to the gay scene there. I like the City for shopping, restaurants and some of the dancing night life. I also enjoy a spontaneous cruise to Sausalito or a simple walk along Fisherman’s Wharf. A concert or a museum visit in The City works for me, too. Ha-ha…I guess I will visit there a lot. There is a lot to do.

I made a fifty dollar withdrawal from my bank because I feel naked when I’m broke. TOGO’s was closed, so I ended up being naughty. I went to buy a Whopper with Cheese at BURGER KING.

Now I am here all by my lonesome with my days numbered in this San Leandro apartment. LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRARIE is on television. It seems to be getting into a sentimental storyline. It’s not helping my feeling of loneliness.

I wonder where George has ‘run-off’ to. I hope he’s thinking of me. If he doesn’t call me tonight I don’t feel like being home for his call tomorrow. Why am I like that? I guess I just want him to appreciate me more because I am so appreciative of him. I still miss him a lot when I am not with him. I only hate our little ‘knit picky’ remarks to each other like “what’s wrong?” or “smart ass”. I feel kind of grumpy sometimes because I have to cruise around in my car all of the time. The drive back and forth to Sunnyvale is no consolation prize. I do look forward to September 2nd when he will finally move-in. He will not bring any furniture or junk…only ‘himself’.

I have to call Kami to find out more about his surprise going away party.

Tuesday, August 16, 1983

My second day as a ‘scab’ and it was okay. It seems to be getting better. Dave Vigil talks to me more often here than he does at the Downtown Oakland office. I don’t really like the ‘vibes’ with all of these gay dudes who are floating around in this San Francisco office. Ugh! I know Dave loves it.

After work I received a phone call from George.
“Hi, I’m at Dan and Ken’s and I might be coming over to skate tonight.”
We didn’t really have a very good conversation because I was feeling a rather ‘blah-zay’.

By 8:15PM I left for MACY’s and bought some ‘neato’ greeting cards. Then I went to the gay roller skating rink and hung out there from 9:30PM until Dan, Ken and Toni arrived. I asked them about George.
Dan said, “Oh, he’s coming…he’s just riding in Kevin’s car.”
Kevin and George finally arrived at around 10:35PM. I chose to leave at 11PM. I felt like a wallflower around there. I don’t even know how to skate. It’s no fun watching them all go round and round. I was getting dizzy and George wasn’t giving me the attention I desperately needed.

George was dropped off at my apartment at 12:40AM. We had a warm, hot night. We slept well. His massage was relaxing. It felt good.

Oh yes…Tammy stood me up for her so-called home cooked dinner at my apartment.
She called to say, “I’m not feeling well.”
That’s what inspired me to simply cruise over to the gay roller skating rink to see George. It’s too bad he arrived so late. I didn’t like being ogled and checked-out by every Tom, Dick and Harry. I was clearly the new kid in town and everyone was wondering and whispering about me.

“I feel frightened and confused, wondering what the future will bring.”
-Lucy Muir
THE GHOST AND MRS. MUIR, 1947 film