The Beginnings - Part 60: SUMMER LOVERS

“Sometimes people survive better apart—even after a long time together.”
-SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
1971 motion-picture

The Beginnings – Part 60: SUMMER LOVERS

July 19, 1983

I learned today that Barbara Reynolds’ father died. I thought this was very sad. She hasn’t been home each time I’ve tried to call her.

Today I renewed my auto insurance with ALLSTATE Insurance in Oakland. It’s a bit cheaper as it is only $600 every six months. That’s about as good as I can get for now.

I spoke to mom while at work.
She said, “You got a letter and I think it’s a picture from Ann-Margret.”
I was so excited. I found out that Ann-Margret does live on Doheny Drive and not Doherty as I had previously thought. I hope she receives the card that I sent her. I would really like to meet that woman.

Before I arrived home I had a nice talk on the BART train with a woman named Elena Kasberg. It made for a more interesting commute. We always seem to have good talks as I often see her at the same routine time. She is really nice.

I noticed my San Leandro neighbor sweeping his porch area today. We shared in some small talk. His name is Ted and he works for NORTHSTAR COMPUTERS.
“What do you do for Northstar?” I asked.
“Oh, I demonstrate trade shows and that sort of thing.”
“Oh…I used to be a Computer Operator.”
“I thought you might be a photographer.”
I thought that was nice. I guess because he always sees me with my camera.

I spoke to George briefly. He and his friend, Cammie, intend on coming to San Leandro for a visit. They will go to the skating rink on a Tuesday night so they can easily commute with ‘the group’ from the San Jose area.

I advised, “I can easily meet you at SEASONS at around midnight. I just don’t feel like going to that skating scene when I can’t even skate.”

I figured I can stay awake one night to see him if he’s in the area. He’s a special guy after all. I’d go.

I rode my bike to Frank’s house in Hayward. We talked as he polished his mom’s vinyl convertible top. We talked about little things as he hinted about the possibility of our reuniting in terms of a relationship someday. For some reason, I know it won’t happen. The way things are now with George and I it seems impossible. Sometimes I feel Frank is too much of an immature gossip. I am sometimes afraid to talk to Frank as he can easily twist and misinterpret my words.

Suzy Miller telephoned me tonight.
“What are you up to?” Suzy asked.
I almost felt like she knew something was going on with George and me. How could she know though?
“Not much…just working.”
“I wanted to invite you over on Saturday to go to the beach or whatever.”
“That would be nice but I already made plans to go camping. I can see you another day though.”

It is now 10:20PM and midnight is drawing near. This means I’ll have to endure the SEASONS CAFÉ scene. I will get to see George though. We’ll see…

July 20, 1983

It was an upsetting day because I got a flat tire on my bike while riding from the San Leandro BART station to my apartment. It really isn’t as bad as all of that. It could have been worse. I spent most of the evening repairing the flat on my own. It didn’t do any good. I will have to take it in to have it fixed.

July 21, 1983

I picked-up George (in Sunnyvale) after I did my laundry. We were both so horny—and yet, so tired. Is that possible? I have so much fun with that guy. I love him. We went to his Aunt and Uncle’s for directions on getting to the area of Westwood.

After acquiring the directions we went to Scott’s house and watched a cool movie called SUMMER LOVERS. Cammie, Steve, and Scott’s nephew were also there.

SUMMER LOVERS had a sexy plot that ended up turning into a ménage trios between one guy (named Michael) and two girls. It begins with a young college age American couple who go to the Greek Islands for the summer. They’re dazzled by the beauty and the uninhibited people surrounding them on a nude beach. Michael meets and begins an affair with a French woman, an archaeologist who is working on a project. The young American girl (played by actress Darryl Hannah) is quite taken with the woman’s photographic work, and the three become extremely close.

We were so relaxed after watching the SUMMER LOVERS movie. It was like taking a summer trip to Greece. Then George and I had to drive back to my place. I think that’s why we were so tired by the time we arrived at my apartment in San Leandro. Boy, did we want each other.

July 22, 1983

I bought George a FUN-IN-THE-SUN greeting card.

I bought my coworker, Kris McKee a GIVE ME A CALL greeting card. I’ll miss her now that she’s transferring to another department.

George picked me up at the BART station. I allowed him to drive my car. While at my place we completed the finishing touches by packing a few things. We were soon off on our adventure.

We stopped at a place called KATHY AND BILL’S for a bite to eat. It was fun to just talk along the way. We enjoyed just ‘being together’ (as usual). We do have tiny spats once in a while but they’re such harmless tidbit nothings. It’s hard to even recall what we may have argued about. We definitely have ‘more’ good times. We left San Leandro at 6:30PM and arrived in Westwood at approximately half past midnight.

George’s dad wasn’t home, so we went to his sister’s house. George’s sister is named Becky.

Becky allowed us to sleep upstairs. We relieved ourselves of our 4-day period of ‘being without’. It was great. It was only funny because there was no wash towel handy and we had to be very quiet. Ha-ha.

“Jealousy doesn't show how much you love someone, it shows how insecure you are.”
-Valerie Quennessen,
as LINA in the 1982 film SUMMER LOVERS

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The Beginnings - Part 59: SUPERMAN

“A kiss…that’s all it takes.”
-THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU
2011 motion-picture

The Beginnings – Part 59:  SUPERMAN

July 15, 1983

I took my pictures to the office and got a lot of compliments about my extraordinary photographer work.

George pleaded with me once again to join him and his ‘Los Gatos’ friends at that STUDIO WEST club in San Francisco. I didn’t go. As it turned out…neither did they.

I did go to the STAR GAZE in Fremont though. Jackie Woods persuaded me. She came over to my place and we went together.
Jackie said, “I love your pad.”
She’s such a crazy and funny wench.

Oh yes…I was happy that I rode my bike to Lake Chabot too.

I met a new girl at STAR GAZE who was from Los Gatos. It’s such a small world. Her name was Gail. She was okay.

I watched a little bit of the TV-show DALLAS and FALCON CREST tonight, too.

July 16, 1983

I took my car for an oil and lube change. It didn’t take very long. I was glad about that because I wanted to lie by the pool and relax for a while. I ate a bowl of WHEATIES and then went to the pool.

Now I am ready to take-off for a weekend with George. We may go to The City and do a little shopping. We plan to play it by ear.

When I arrived at George’s place we were very happy to see one another. We waited for his friend, Kevin, to show up. It seemed to take forever; whereby, we simply went browsing around at the Sunnyvale Shopping Center.

After shopping around we returned to George’s pad. Kevin arrived while we were filling my car with gas (and getting my car washed at SHELL). We all left for The City but MACY’s was closed. We ate at some nice French restaurant on Mason Street and then we took a walk along Castro Street for some ice-cream. I hate the ‘vibes’ in the Castro. It’s too gay for me. We headed back to Sunnyvale and Kevin left for his pad in Los Gatos.

George and I went to bed and had a couple of ‘eventful episodes’. We enjoyed ourselves even when Cammie happened to stop by to pout about her ‘not having a job yet’ blues.

July 17, 1983

George and I had another good time this morning. All I could think of was that Campbell Soup slogan: “Mmm Mmm Good”. We intend on having many more of those intimate times. I thought about what a nice guy George can be. He cooked me breakfast and we ate outside on a nearby patio table to the trailer.

I drove George to work and then I went to Vallco Shopping Center and bought myself a shirt and jacket at I. MAGNIN. I found a pair of pants at JEANS WEST. I returned to George’s pad just in time for his phone call. He came over on his break and we ended up lying on the patio chairs feeling the rays of the sun. I was wearing my new shirt and George’s gray shorts. We started to kiss in the trailer for a while. Then it was time for him to go back to work.
I said, “I hate split shifts.”

I ate a small bite at CARL’S JR. and browsed at the WHEREHOUSE RECORD STORE, giving George ‘the eye’ most of the time.

We decided on the Sunnyvale Drive-In Movie Theater tonight. We went to see SUPERMAN III.
I said excitedly, “Sometimes I feel like SUPERMAN.”
George smiled and said, “You look like him a little, too.”
We watched only part of the co-feature: HIGH ROAD TO CHINA.
We said our goodbyes after the film as much as we hated to do so. We were both craving another ‘69’ event but our craving didn’t come about…as of yet.

July 18, 1983

I received a letter from Maria De Lourdes of Guadalajara, Mexico today. I will have to find someone to interpret it because she wrote mostly in Spanish.

I went to work and had an ‘okay’ sort of day. Barb Reynolds wasn’t there. I wonder what is up with her lately.

I telephoned George Jones earlier and simply said, “I just wanted to wish you a good day.”
“Oh Thanks,” he replied, “I hope you have the same.”

I went for a walk around Lake Merritt all by my lonesome during my lunch hour today. I enjoy this solitary time sometimes. I had my SONY Headphones on, so the music was nice, too. I ate a burrito and just sat on a bench.

I came home and was making a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich when Frank Vasconcellos called me.
Frank urged me, “Come on…just come over to show me those pictures. I want the negatives, too.”
“Oh all right.”
He really liked the photos from our L.A. trip. He looked pretty nice, too. He’s no comparison to George though. I think George’s intellect is a notch above; however, George is still in evaluation mode. Time will tell.

After watched some MTV with Frank I chose to leave. He was on the phone part of the time with some nerd named Randy.

I went to get my haircut. The gal, Paige, who had cut my hair last time, had gone for the day so I had Yvonne cut it this time. She’s very nice. She’s the one who thinks I have a sister named Virginia. I guess she knows someone named Virginia Armijo (coincidental since that’s my mom’s name). Yvonne seemed to be feeling rather ‘blue’ but I cheered her up.

Once I returned home I showered and shampooed and wrote in my journal. Now it’s time to call my favorite fellow: George Gregg Jones. His line is currently busy. It’s been busy since I arrived from work. Who could he be talking with? Jerk!

“Everybody wants something from me and I don’t have the energy to do it all.”
-GLEE TV-series, Season I
Episode 6

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The Beginnings - Part 58: CINDERELLA

“Tell me what you eat and I shall tell you what you are.”
-Jean Anthelme Brillat Savarin
A French lawyer and politician who gained fame as an epicure

The Beginnings – Part 58:  CINDERELLA

July 13, 1983

I couldn’t believe it. I paid $4.10 to FOX PHOTO for the processing of only four photographs. Three of them were of George so I guess it was worth it.

Tammy telephoned me while I was at work.
“I just wanted to tell you that I won’t be home until around seven o’clock tonight.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll call you …or you can try to call me,” she said.
I thought, “Shit…but that time dinner time would be defunct. How is she going to have time to do all of the cooking?”
It’s just as well. I feel like a BBQ Chicken sandwich and frozen yogurt. I imagine that’s what we’ll end up doing for tonight. It will be easy to do at the Bay Fair Shopping Center.

I telephoned George.
“I have good news,” I said.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“I got word from my mom that her cousin, Sophie, is probably moving out of the townhouse very soon.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I can’t wait. We may be roommates sooner than we think.”
“Okay, I’ll call you later tonight after work.”

Now it’s time to pick up Tammy for the so-called home cooked meal. She actually had a plan. She cooked some homemade meatballs recipe in a tasty mushroom sauce. We had a very nice evening. We listened to ALDO NOVA, THE LITTLE RIVER BAND and my CAT PEOPLE Soundtrack.

Both Frank and George called as we were eating dinner and just plain ‘goofing around’. I drove Tammy home by midnight. I joked with her.
“It’s as if you’re Cinderella and I have to get you home by the stroke of midnight.”

July 14, 1983

Work dragged on. I ‘faced’ Helen by not jogging with her since she ‘faced’ me by not joining me for lunch today.

I dropped by my mom’s to pick up some other pictures. After that I drove directly to see George in Sunnyvale.

We went to THE WINCHESTER THEATER and tried to watch the movie FLASHDANCE. Neither one of us liked it very much, so we left before the ending and went to his place. I had trouble finding the radio station to play clearly. It must be a bad connection area for radio airwaves. We played a numbers game once we arrived at his place…namely ‘69’.

A bit later George said, “I don’t like those pictures of me.”
I said, “Well, I do.”
I left his place at 12:40AM.
Before I left George asked, “Could you please think about going with me to STUDIO WEST in The City tomorrow night?”
“Okay…I’ll think about it.”

Oh yes…I was also pleased with the good dinner that George prepared. It included breakfast RICE CHEX and ham and eggs. I joked about it. The homemade meatballs from the night before were better.

Loving touching alone—in whatever style—can improve health.
-Diane Ackerman
A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES

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The Beginnings - Part 57: HE WAS SILENT

“What I’d always thought of as my dream may not have been one at all.”
-DEPARTURES
2008 Japanese film

Twenty-five years ago today

August 29, 1987

It all happened so suddenly. My mother called me at the townhouse.

“Come over quickly. It’s your dad.”

She scared me. The tone in her voice was one of fright. I rushed over and I saw my dad lying on the living room couch. He looked so pale.

“What happened?” I asked.

Mom explained, “I heard him fall in the bathroom.”
It looked like he had a slight cut on his head.
Dad kept arguing calmly, “I’m okay…I just have heartburn.”

We knew it was more than that. Tony came over and we were all in agreement to call for the ambulance. He needed to be checked out.

The ironic thing is that it all happened so quickly. The ambulance arrived and he was taken to the local ALAMEDA HOSPITAL emergency room. Mom and my brothers were in the waiting room. Finally, a doctor came out and took us all into a small office.
The doctor said, “We did everything we could.”
My mother screamed.

My brothers and I saw him one last time. My mother was crying. I touched my father's lower leg. I almost felt he could feel our presence. We were told he was given morphine to relieve his pain as he’d had a heart attack. He had a mild heart attack about seven years earlier. My dad was gone. We were heartbroken.

The obituary in the ALAMEDA TIMES STAR:

ARMIJO, JOE N. - In Alameda, August 29, Beloved husband of Virginia Armijo of Alameda, Father of Anthony, Michael and John Armijo. Grandfather of Ashley and Lauren Armijo. A native of New Mexico, aged 52 years. A 28-year employee of Del Monte Corporation, Plant #237, Oakland. Services were held on September 2 at GREER ALAMEDA Funeral Chapel. Interment Holy Sepulchre Cemetery, Haward, CA.

The Beginnings – Part 57: HE WAS SILENT

July 11, 1983

It’s another BLUE MONDAY. I washed my car and did manage to take it in for a free service and safety check. All they wanted to do was change my oil and the filter. I think I’ll hold off on that until Saturday because I can get a $13.95 deal at that time. I’d best watch my budget these days.

I dread getting my American Express and SHELL OIL credit card bills.

When I telephoned George Jones this morning he said, “My mom is going away this weekend!”
I knew this meant that it would be free for me to come and spend time with him there. I don’t know if I will go…or not. I want to get a lube and oil job on my car…but a lube and oil job ‘ON ME’ by him might feel better. Ha-ha.

I took a nap in Alameda at mom and dad’s house after my work day. When I drove to my pad in San Leandro I talked to Frank Vasconcellos. We didn’t talk about anything much.

I wrote some ‘anytime’ cards for Frank, George, Paige, Barbara and one extra to my ‘one and only’ infatuation: the beautiful and desirable Ann-Margret. My goal is to write her a card every month until she finally takes notice of me. I want to eventually meet her. My goal is to lunch or dine with Ann-Margret one day. Yummy. I really want to do that.

I phoned George at his mom’s house but he had visitors.
“Who’s there?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s just Ken and Cammie.”

“So…you can’t really talk.”
“Not really.”
“Okay…we’ll talk later.”
“Okay…I’m going to spend the night with Ken, Don and Kevin in Los Gatos.”
“Well…I just want you to know that I’m not too thrilled about that idea.”
He was silent.

When I called George later at Ken and Don’s apartment in Los Gatos we had a better conversation. We both spoke of how we miss each other. George was also excited about some new job prospects in my area of Northern California.

I said reassuringly, “Well, I’m crossing my fingers but I am looking forward to our being roommates.”

July 12, 1983

I wore my Los Angeles T-Shirt and leaf green shorts to work today. It was summer dress down day.

I got a few whistles and one girl said, “Don’t wear that ever again because it’s too much of a distraction for all of the girls in the office.”
I laughed.

Helen invited me for a run along the Marina in San Leandro.
I lied and said, “I wish I could…but I promised my cousin we’d go bike riding.”
I knew George was calling me at seven-thirty and I wanted to leave my options open.

When I arrived home I was so hungry. I placed the remainder of my refrigerated French bread in the oven. I was craving fresh, warm bread. I dozed off and woke up feeling like I needed a bike ride. I dressed in my cycle gear and left. As I was riding I recalled that I had forgotten about the French bread in the oven! By the time I remembered about it I was already in Hayward! I made a rapid ride back home. There were some dudes who whistled at me when I drove by the skating rink. Yuck! Unfortunately, I was too late as far as the bread was concerned.  It was burnt to a crisp.

I showered and called Suzy Miller. She wasn’t home, so I called her brother, Michael. We talked for a while. He’s working at UPS (United Parcel Service).
Mike said, “If George doesn’t move-in with you…let me know.”
I also spoke to Renee Miller.
I asked, “Why don’t you come over to see my apartment in San Leandro?”
Renee answered, “I’ll come and visit you in a couple of weeks because I’m going on vacation next week to Washington with Dave and Helen.”
I said, “Oh…I might go camping to an area called Westwood with my friend, George.”
I can’t wait for the camping trip. Only one sleeping bag…Hmm…Ha-ha.

George telephoned and said, “I’ll call you when I get to San Leandro with Toni and company.”
He was going for the ‘Gay Tuesday’ Skating night.
After his call I telephoned Tammy and asked, “Are you going to the skating rink?”
“Yes, I’ll be there.”
Why should I be surprised? I definitely do not want to enter that joint again. I simply confirmed my dinner date with Tammy for tomorrow night. She will be cooking dinner. It will be yummy fun.

George finally called me from the skating rink at a bit after 10PM. I had already given up on him and went to bed.
“I just got here,” George exclaimed.
And so…I decided to dress and cruise over to pick him up. I drove back to my pad and we shared each other’s company. We made love.

Later, we went to the SEASONS RESTAURANT. I saw all of those gross skating type people. Michael was there.
I asked him, “Where’s Tammy?”
“Oh…she went home.”
“Ah…that’s too bad.”
“Watch out for her because she’s in her ‘Tamara’ mood.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Oh…she’s been hanging out with Angelina too much.”

George and I talked tonight.
I explained, “You know…if I should meet a girl that I’m H.O.H. over…I won’t hesitate to date her.”
George answered, “I can deal with that when…and if it comes about.”
“I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

Right now, it’s only George. Paige may be on the next ‘page’. Who knows who will be next in my life of yummy love? Tammy can’t really count with her questionable moods. I really will have to wait and see. I need to know Tammy or Tamara. I want to know the ‘real’ Tammy. I don’t want to hear her with her fake French accent. I want to see her without the make-up and without a cigarette. I’d love to see Tammy as a natural, American, wholesome gal. Yes, that’s what I’d like to see in her.

I went to bed at two o’clock in the morning. George came over again to pick up his card that I had written for him. His friend, Toni, came in and we chatted for a moment. Then George and I kissed our usual goodbye.

Yes, I love you. But you can’t love me because I’m not worth loving!
No, But I do love you. Stupidly!
Then you’re an idiot.
We’re both idiots.
-Christopher Bram
SURPRISING MYSELF, a novel

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The Beginnings - Part 56: THINK I'M IN LOVE

Men go mad thinking about the past, the future.
There is only now.  Live for now.
-Martin Booth
THE INDUSTRY OF SOULS, a novel

The Beginnings – Part 56: THINK I’M IN LOVE

July 10, 1983

George and I awoke to nifty screwing around. Our relationship is too good to be true (considering). We went on a picnic to Sonoma Lake. It was so nice an warm. We ate a great meal and had fun lying out under a shady tree. We also went to visit Ken and Don who share an apartment in Los Gatos. My feeling about those two guys is in neutral mode. I’d just say that I’m glad I have George. I am satisfied with only George.

After the relaxed outing at the park we returned to his mom’s trailer pad where we felt hot, so we had chilled, fresh-squeezed orange juice. It made us feel cool. We hated to part ways as he had to go to work at three o’clock. While we hated to part we always look forward to the next time we will see each other. We are excited at the possibility of our moving in together.

I planned on spending the night in Alameda so that I could take my car in for servicing; however, Tammy telephoned.
Tammy shouted over the wires, “Oh Michael, I’m going to L.A. this Friday for a whole week! I’m so excited.”
“Oh…I’ll miss you,” I said, thinking actually that George might make me forget.
I did like how Tammy has opened herself up to me a bit more. I like it. Now…if only I could terminate her smoking habit and see her without all of that cheap eye shadow make-up.

I did eventually spend the night at mom and dad’s house.
Dad said, “I told Sophie about you wanting to rent the townhouse for six-hundred dollars a month.”
“If she’s only paying three hundred now I know she’s going to move out. I will talk to George in more detail about it. I hope he’ll go for it because six-hundred for the two of us shouldn’t be a problem.”

I went to bed somewhat early. I listened to John’s new stereo. I like the new Eddie Money song called THINK I’M IN LOVE…because I think I am.

“How often do you see him?”
“Every day. I couldn’t be happy if I didn’t see him every day. He is absolutely necessary to me.”
-Oscar Wilde
THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY

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The Beginnings - Part 55: MESMERIZED

…all of my desires are only a reflection of my longing to come home.
-Tony Parsons
AS IT IS

The Beginnings – Part 55: MESMERIZED

July 9, 1983

In the morning George and I went to OLE’S WAFFLE SHOP on Park Street in Alameda. We laughed when we saw a store called TAMMY’S ANTIQUES. We browsed in there, too.

We drove to 3348 Solomon Lane in Alameda which is the address of my parents’ townhouse. I also picked up my mail at mom and dad’s house. My mom had just returned from her escape to Reno/Lake Tahoe with her sister.
Mom asked, “Do you think you could drive Betty home?”
Betty doesn’t live far from my apartment in San Leandro, so it wasn’t a problem.

After dropping my Aunt Betty home we went to my pad. George and I would lie out by the swimming pool for a while. Then I drove him back to Sunnyvale.

During the evening I went to Alameda again to wash my car. It’s easier to wash in my mom and dad’s driveway. I was also able to see and talk to mom.

I said to mom, “Yeah, George is cool. We may go to Westwood…it’s near Redding…and camp out next weekend. We might even move-in together to the townhouse as roommates in September if Sophie ends up moving out.”

Tammy and I did go out on our planned date. We parked out by the San Leandro Marina to discuss our relationship. We brought up George and me, too. I was upfront and told her about George. She didn’t seem to mind.
Tammy said, “We can continue to still see each other.”
I was confused but happy at her remark. Only time would tell. How will things turn out in the end?

Tammy and I watched the movie PSYCHO II. We had a good time and shared some good laughs. I noticed her go into the bathroom to ‘light-up’ a cigarette. I chose to not let her know that I caught sight of it. She was good tonight because she insisted on having no drinks for the evening. It was a successful night of conversation. We seemed to have come to an agreement.

When I arrived home I telephoned George.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Well, my mom is out with her boyfriend for the whole night…so…”
“Yeah?”
“So…why don’t you come over?”
And so…I drove down to a trailer house where he was living (not too swift). We screwed around and had an ultimate time as we were mesmerized, looking into each others’ eyes.

“When you love someone, when you know them intimately, you read their silences. You see how, again and again, they avoid certain subjects.”
-Shyan Selvadurai
CINNAMON GARDENS, a novel

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The Beginnings - Part 54: SUCH A PREDICAMENT

Homosexual relationships can be and frequently are happy. Many men live together for years and make homes and share their lives and their work, just as heterosexuals do. This truth is particularly disturbing and shocking even to ‘liberal’ people, because it cuts across the romantic, tragic notion of a homosexual’s fate.
-Christopher Isherwood

The Beginnings – Part 54: SUCH A PREDICAMENT

July 7, 1983

Today was a reasonable day. I managed to telephone George a couple of times while at work. I simply find myself thinking of him quite a bit. In fact, I may be thinking about him a little too much. He loves when I call him though.

After work I slept and woke to a phone call from Doug Siu.
“Hey Mike, do you want to go see THE RETURN OF THE JEDI?”
I gave some tired excuse. I guess he cannot tell that I am trying to avoid his invitations altogether.

George called me while he was working at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS. He was on his break but he was close enough to go home to call me. This phone call inspired me to drive down to Sunnyvale to see him tonight. I simply hopped into my wheels and cruised down to Sunnyvale without washing my car. I stopped for a bite at CARL’s JR. and then I surprised him while he was on-the-job. I think it was a happy surprise for him. It was great to surprise him. It’s hard to fathom that I actually saw him one and a half days ago. We are most definitely ‘in love’. Aren’t we?

We parked under a shady tree to kiss. How ‘yummy’ it was to see him. We went for a hot-chocolate at his pad. I left soon after.

I didn’t return a phone call to Tammy. She called me yesterday. It’s no big deal because I feel that George is the issue and the number one person right now.

I was pissed to learn that Allison, the hostess at THE RED ROBIN no longer works there. Oh well…she has my telephone number. Who knows?

July 8, 1983

Well, it’s no surprise that I telephoned George this morning at his work number. He was starting a full eight hour shift at 10AM today. It was a little strange when I called again at noon because he wasn’t there. I began to wonder if he was lying to me. I wonder why he said he was going to work when he wasn’t there. He may have just scored a minus.

Tammy telephoned me while at work. I finally returned her call and we talked for a little while.

I chose to call Frank next because I realized that he cannot keep his mouth shut. I got the feeling he might’ve already spilled the beans to Tamara (Tammy) about my feelings for George.
Frank said, “I’m going dancing in San Francisco with Tammy and a few others.”
Who knows what they’ve been saying to one another?

When I arrived to my apartment after work I received another phone call from Tammy.
“Hi,” Tammy said coyly, “I’m at Angelina’s.”
“Oh…what are you up to?” I asked.
“Not much…why don’t you come with us to go camping out?”
“Now?”
“Well, no…you can come tomorrow morning because we want to go to Russian River.”
I declined the invitation. She seemed disappointed; however, I couldn’t tell her that I made plans with George. George and I were planning on spending the night together. I also wanted to take him to Alameda to see my mom and dad’s townhouse as we’ve discussed the possibility (and likelihood) of our moving-in together there. It’s all quite tentative. We certainly don’t want to rush into anything.
Tammy sighed and asked me point blank, “Do you want to be just casual friends or what?”
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. It’s clear she wants to have a relationship with me. I do not approve of some of ‘her ways’. For instance, she is always drinking in order to have a good time and saying things like “you’re going out with a beautiful blond…what more could you ask for?” Or she might say, “I like you Mike…but when we ‘end’ our whatever…” In my opinion, the simple fact that she knows I am attracted to men (George especially) is a minus on her part. I just don’t know.
I finally said, “Let’s meet up and talk more about it.”
“Okay.”
“Didn’t you want to see that PSYCHO movie?”
“Yes.”
“So…let’s to see PSYCHO II tomorrow night then.”

I simply want to have a good time. I know I will but I feel like I’m in such a predicament. Who? Tammy? George? Frank? Nici? Paige? I must rate these people in accordance of my most liked. Is that a solution to the problem?

I feel so comfortable with George. I want to be friends with him forever. And yet, I want to see and date others…girls in particular (not other guys). I guess I want a man and a woman. I have George now but I don’t think Tammy is the right choice for the woman.
Tammy asked, “Did you consult George about our going out together?”
“No.”
“Good…because I want him all for myself.”

I guess one could say that I want George all for myself. Does she want George too? Perhaps this is one thing I don’t like about Tammy…or Nici for that matter. They both won’t limit themselves to just me. Does Tammy want the both of us?  I know George has no interest in Tammy.

It’s already 6:25PM and George hasn’t even contacted me yet. I am supposed to pick him up at the BART station and the concert for THE FLOCK OF SEAGULLS will be starting at 7PM.
I thought, “That S.O.B.!”
Then I thought, “…but shit…I still love the guy.”
I’m only sweating it out because I know we will probably be late to the concert. I guess I also know that any future with Tammy is hardly likely. Besides…the bitch smokes!
I thought, “I’d best NOT see George with another joint. I know he likes to get high on a joint every so often.”

I feel like I have to mold these people to my liking. Ha-ha. I do enjoy Tammy’s company but when I’m away from her I realize all of the things I hate about her. When I dwell on George I have mostly positive thoughts. As for Frank, well, he acts too ‘queenie’ at times. As for Nici, she’s a squid fucker. I’m sure of it. And Paige, well…she’s independent and I love her hair, the cute smile and face. Paige is a plus, too.

Damn! It’s 6:30PM and George hasn’t called me yet. The concert begins at 7PM.

Well…George finally called. How could I be mad? He brought me a plant for the house and a sweet card. He’s such a nice guy. I can’t believe the solid goodness we have in our relationship.

BERLIN was the opening act and they stole the show. A FLOCK OF SEAGULSS was good, too. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope my pictures will make the event all the more memorable. It wasn’t easy to get good pictures because of the darkness.

After the concert George and I went to GIOVANNI’s Pizza in Berkeley. We took the pizza to-go and ate it at my pad. We watched JOAN RIVERS on The Tonight Show. She had Morgan Fairchild as her guest.

George and I slept together.
Afterwards, George asked me, “Have you masturbated a lot?”
“No…why?”
“Oh…because a lot of people can’t get-off any other way.”
After I thought about it further it kind of hurt my feelings.  I began to wonder if he didn’t think I was completely satisfied by him. I sure am. Oh well…we slept very well.

I could decide for myself what I wished to do, where I should be, how I should feel, how I should think of my future.
-Janet Frame
An Autobiography

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