-Christopher Isherwood
The Beginnings – Part 54: SUCH A PREDICAMENT
July 7, 1983
Today was a reasonable day. I managed to telephone George a couple of times while at work. I simply find myself thinking of him quite a bit. In fact, I may be thinking about him a little too much. He loves when I call him though.
After work I slept and woke to a phone call from Doug Siu.
“Hey Mike, do you want to go see THE RETURN OF THE JEDI?”
I gave some tired excuse. I guess he cannot tell that I am trying to avoid his invitations altogether.
George called me while he was working at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS. He was on his break but he was close enough to go home to call me. This phone call inspired me to drive down to Sunnyvale to see him tonight. I simply hopped into my wheels and cruised down to Sunnyvale without washing my car. I stopped for a bite at CARL’s JR. and then I surprised him while he was on-the-job. I think it was a happy surprise for him. It was great to surprise him. It’s hard to fathom that I actually saw him one and a half days ago. We are most definitely ‘in love’. Aren’t we?
We parked under a shady tree to kiss. How ‘yummy’ it was to see him. We went for a hot-chocolate at his pad. I left soon after.
I didn’t return a phone call to Tammy. She called me yesterday. It’s no big deal because I feel that George is the issue and the number one person right now.
I was pissed to learn that Allison, the hostess at THE RED ROBIN no longer works there. Oh well…she has my telephone number. Who knows?
July 8, 1983
Well, it’s no surprise that I telephoned George this morning at his work number. He was starting a full eight hour shift at 10AM today. It was a little strange when I called again at noon because he wasn’t there. I began to wonder if he was lying to me. I wonder why he said he was going to work when he wasn’t there. He may have just scored a minus.
Tammy telephoned me while at work. I finally returned her call and we talked for a little while.
I chose to call Frank next because I realized that he cannot keep his mouth shut. I got the feeling he might’ve already spilled the beans to Tamara (Tammy) about my feelings for George.
Frank said, “I’m going dancing in San Francisco with Tammy and a few others.”
Who knows what they’ve been saying to one another?
When I arrived to my apartment after work I received another phone call from Tammy.
“Hi,” Tammy said coyly, “I’m at Angelina’s.”
“Oh…what are you up to?” I asked.
“Not much…why don’t you come with us to go camping out?”
“Now?”
“Well, no…you can come tomorrow morning because we want to go to Russian River.”
I declined the invitation. She seemed disappointed; however, I couldn’t tell her that I made plans with George. George and I were planning on spending the night together. I also wanted to take him to Alameda to see my mom and dad’s townhouse as we’ve discussed the possibility (and likelihood) of our moving-in together there. It’s all quite tentative. We certainly don’t want to rush into anything.
Tammy sighed and asked me point blank, “Do you want to be just casual friends or what?”
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. It’s clear she wants to have a relationship with me. I do not approve of some of ‘her ways’. For instance, she is always drinking in order to have a good time and saying things like “you’re going out with a beautiful blond…what more could you ask for?” Or she might say, “I like you Mike…but when we ‘end’ our whatever…” In my opinion, the simple fact that she knows I am attracted to men (George especially) is a minus on her part. I just don’t know.
I finally said, “Let’s meet up and talk more about it.”
“Okay.”
“Didn’t you want to see that PSYCHO movie?”
“Yes.”
“So…let’s to see PSYCHO II tomorrow night then.”
I feel so comfortable with George. I want to be friends with him forever. And yet, I want to see and date others…girls in particular (not other guys). I guess I want a man and a woman. I have George now but I don’t think Tammy is the right choice for the woman.
Tammy asked, “Did you consult George about our going out together?”
“No.”
“Good…because I want him all for myself.”
I guess one could say that I want George all for myself. Does she want George too? Perhaps this is one thing I don’t like about Tammy…or Nici for that matter. They both won’t limit themselves to just me. Does Tammy want the both of us? I know George has no interest in Tammy.
It’s already 6:25PM and George hasn’t even contacted me yet. I am supposed to pick him up at the BART station and the concert for THE FLOCK OF SEAGULLS will be starting at 7PM.
I thought, “That S.O.B.!”
Then I thought, “…but shit…I still love the guy.”
I’m only sweating it out because I know we will probably be late to the concert. I guess I also know that any future with Tammy is hardly likely. Besides…the bitch smokes!
I thought, “I’d best NOT see George with another joint. I know he likes to get high on a joint every so often.”
I feel like I have to mold these people to my liking. Ha-ha. I do enjoy Tammy’s company but when I’m away from her I realize all of the things I hate about her. When I dwell on George I have mostly positive thoughts. As for Frank, well, he acts too ‘queenie’ at times. As for Nici, she’s a squid fucker. I’m sure of it. And Paige, well…she’s independent and I love her hair, the cute smile and face. Paige is a plus, too.
Damn! It’s 6:30PM and George hasn’t called me yet. The concert begins at 7PM.
Well…George finally called. How could I be mad? He brought me a plant for the house and a sweet card. He’s such a nice guy. I can’t believe the solid goodness we have in our relationship.
BERLIN was the opening act and they stole the show. A FLOCK OF SEAGULSS was good, too. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope my pictures will make the event all the more memorable. It wasn’t easy to get good pictures because of the darkness.
After the concert George and I went to GIOVANNI’s Pizza in Berkeley. We took the pizza to-go and ate it at my pad. We watched JOAN RIVERS on The Tonight Show. She had Morgan Fairchild as her guest.
George and I slept together.
Afterwards, George asked me, “Have you masturbated a lot?”
“No…why?”
“Oh…because a lot of people can’t get-off any other way.”
After I thought about it further it kind of hurt my feelings. I began to wonder if he didn’t think I was completely satisfied by him. I sure am. Oh well…we slept very well.
I could decide for myself what I wished to do, where I should be, how I should feel, how I should think of my future.
-Janet Frame
An Autobiography
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