One well-educated gay prisoner interviewed by a prison doctor in the early 1920s listed ‘Shakespeare, Coleridge, De Quincey, Rosa Bonheur, Joan of Arc, Beethoven, Wagner and Napoleon as homosexuals,’ in order to buttress his contention that “most of the world’s genius can be traced directly to the homosexual.”
-George Chauncey
GAY NEW YORK
The Beginnings – Part 43: RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE SHARKS
June 18, 1983
Frank and I ventured over to a Coffee Shop across the street from the Caravan Motel in Gorman (CA). We had to wait patiently for the processing of my American Express card. I don’t know why it took so long.
I allowed Frank to drive the car part of the way to Northern California. I had some minor heart failure while observing his driving habits. I felt the same way as he cruised along the hills of Beverly Hills. We switched seats and I chose to drive the rest of the way. Frank remained silent for most of the remainder of the drive. I could tell he was pissed-off about our ‘little nothing’ arguments. I felt the same way, so I played the silent treatment as well.
We had a good talk eventually. We reconciled our differences when we reached my apartment at THE TIMBERS in San Leandro.
Frank asked excitedly, “Do you want to go to Sean’s BBQ?”
I agreed.
We arrived at Sean’s pad for the BBQ and I realized the only people to show up were me, Frank, Rich, Rick Clark and Tammy Duhr. I believe I like Frank the most. Rick Clark really has nice looks (and a body to match) though (Hmmm?). Rick Clark and I danced together and he hinted something that surprised me.
Rick said, “You know…we should go to Hawaii together.”
I explained that I lived at THE TIMBERS.
Rick replied, “I know where you live.”
I thought that if I were ever in a one-on-one predicament with Rick Clark that I wouldn’t know what I’d do. I might melt in ecstasy.
The BBQ was an all-around fun adventure. I did have a good time. Everyone was quite nice. Frank ended up spending the night with me. We had the usual fun. It was also the first time he had spent the night at my pad.
Frank really is a rather special kind of guy. I do want to have an everlasting friendship with him.
I recalled Frank’s question the other day: “What would you do if the RIGHT girl came along?”
I had replied, “I’d ask you to be the BEST Man.”
He laughed. I laughed, too (but I was serious).
I feel kind of awkward as I write in my diary now because I do feel rather serious about Frank right now. I care very much about the guy. It must be love; however, I am torn as I still want that special girl to love. Maybe it will be Paige LaBris. She’s A-Okay in my book. I don’t know. Once again time will tell.
June 19, 1983
When Frank and I woke up this morning we showered and he foolishly slipped and fell in the shower. It was pretty funny. Luckily, he didn’t get hurt.
We left for Bay Fair Shopping Center after I spent some time writing in my journal. We were both craving BBQ chicken sandwiches. I read an excerpt from my journal to Frank. I mainly read the parts where I wrote about him. I tried to single out the good things I’d written about him. He really is a great companion. I only dislike his ‘NELLIE’ ways. Those effeminate ‘NELLIE’ ways aren’t too conspicuous unless he overdoes it. He overdid it a bit while at Sean’s BBQ. Perhaps after a few drinks he felt at ease amongst his friends.
I drove Frank home to Hayward. I also took one last photograph of him. I returned home to put on my SONY Walkman FM stereo headphones and hopped on my silver 12-Speed. I rode my bike to Alameda to find Dad at home.
Dad asked me, “So, what have you been doing with your life?”
I was quite surprised and a little shocked that he should ask this question at this time. It was as if he knew something that I barely knew myself.
I watched THE EDGE OF NIGHT on videotape while at mom’s house because she had taped the last few episodes for me. While watching I heard a couple of lines from the show that I had to jot down because I liked the significance in the words:
1. “Say NOT goodnight…but in some brighter place bid me good morning.”
2. “Relationships are like sharks…they have to keep moving to stay alive.”
I took a nice nap and ate dinner at mom and dad’s house in Alameda until I decided it was time to take the bike trek back to my apartment in San Leandro.
When I returned to my apartment I decided to telephone Frank. I realized that I missed his not being around.
When I called him I asked, “What are you doing?”
“Right now I’m having a talk with my sister and mother.”
I could just picture them in the dining area, discussing me. As I talked to Frank I came to learn that his mother now knows that we are MORE than just friends.
Frank said, “She doesn’t approve of our relationship.”
“What?”
“It’s true, but I don’t care. I have until the twenty-third of July to move out, that’s my eighteenth birthday.”
“I thought you were already eighteen!”
After much discussion I realized that Frank’s mother is under a lot of pressure over Frank and his thirty-two year old sister, Cathy.
I finally said, “I’m sure she’ll get over it.”
I had told Frank before to simply tell his mother that we were ‘just friends’.
Frank insisted, “She kind of knew that there was probably more going on.”
I said, “That may be true…but we are close friends. We just have a private way of expressing our love and friendship for one another. It’s almost like any other friends. It’s just that I have only one explicit, discreet relationship with one man right now and it happens to be you!”
Frank agreed, “I know.”
I like this new song that goes KISS ME WITH YOUR MOUTH. It’s so sexy. It makes me want to kiss. It’s actually called KISS ME by Stephen Duffy.
Tomorrow is my return to work day. I guess I am as ready as ever to return.
Frank telephoned me from a phone booth around the corner from his mom’s house. I thought this was rather ridiculous.
Frank said, “I just needed some privacy from my mom and sister.”
“Oh, okay.”
Frank asked, “Could you keep this Friday open for a pool party at Tammy’s house?”
Tammy Duhr is the great looking body beautiful blond with the mediocre looking nose. Frank went to high-school with her. They are very good friends.
I said, “Okay, I guess I can go to a pool party.”
I simply couldn’t stop thinking that there’s still something missing in my life. I honestly felt that I lacked a lady. I began thinking of that hostess at the RED ROBIN restaurant again. Is there any hope?
“I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want,” she was fond of saying. “If that makes me a bitch, okay.”
-Madonna
THE DAY JOHN DIED by Christopher Andersen
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