My identity as a man would dissolve in self-pity, like sugar in warm water.
-Christopher Bram, SURPRISING MYSELF
Twenty-five years ago today:
I received a letter from that guy named Bill Helbush that I met in Hawaii. It was dated August 10, 1987. Bill wrote:
Hi Mike,
Glad you liked the cards—with all the ones you have it’s hard to recall which you need.
Your card caught up with me in California. I came back to sign some papers concerning some property in Elk and now I’m off again. The tenant in my house will leave the first week of September, so I’ll be back in the area around then. I’ll be spending time finishing, painting, etc. I will certainly have some time in the SF area. I’ll give you a call and maybe we can get together.
I doubt a good-looking young man like you will be unattached for long—so—enjoy your freedom.
I’m not sure if I’m going back to Honolulu this winter. It’s getting too expensive and I’m a little tired of hopping around. …Thinking about an apartment in San Francisco. Who knows?
Well, take care…will be in touch soon. Have a good day.
Bill.
I also receive a postcard from Lottie dated August 7, 1987. Lottie wrote:
“Need a Roomie?” Call.
I still cannot find your BD card.
Hi!
Just a note to let you know I was thinking of you. I hope all is well with you.
Always,
Lottie
PS-Note this in the House Book: I don’t write often.
The card from Bill and the postcard from Lottie inspired me to type a letter to Paloma in France. I typed the following:
PALOMA
August 11, 1987
Tuesday Afternoon: 4:30PM
Dear Paloma:
It’s a beautiful day outside and I rode my bicycle yesterday but today I am in pain. Why? Well, I went to the dentist and he put just a bit of Novocain so I wouldn’t feel the pain and it wore off. He replaced an old filling. It hurts and I’m trying to get my mind off of it but it hurts.
I thought of you last night. I went to the gym and I ran into my friend, Scott Lauer. He’s from Ohio. He’s 22 and he’s in the Navy, stationed in Alameda. His boat which includes six-thousand men is now in port but they’ll be out to sea again on September 18th. Anyway, I gave him a ride home last night after our workout but he suggested a six-pack of Bud Light… (shame on me)…and I took him up on his suggestion and we drank till about 11:15PM, talking, catching up on things since I hadn’t seen him since the end of June when he was going to Ohio for a three week leave.
And how I thought of you was while we were in the car Scott asked me, “Turn on the light for a second.”
When I turned it on he laughed. That’s when I remembered you laughing at the same instant. Do you remember? You would laugh because the light wouldn’t come on atop the convertible hood for a lot of light but only at the bottom of the car by our feet. Oh well, just thought I’d share how a minor moment could make me back track my thoughts to you, Paloma.
How is your cigarette smoking habit coming along? I trust you’ve cut down quite a bit and are not having those cancer sticks just before you go to bed like the old days in Berkeley. Remember how I could tell when you were smoking over the telephone…clever me!
They opened a new club here in Alameda believe it or not…
The Beginnings – Part 39: BABY, IT’S YOU
June 10, 1983
I went on another bike ride to Frank’s school on Tennyson Road. I met with Frank this time. We walked and talked around the school grounds for a while. I left on my bike for my place after the visit. I had already been to Alameda to visit mom and pick up some towels and clothes.
As I rode my bike back to my San Leandro apartment I thought about my conversation with Frank.I confessed to Frank, “You know, I have a date with Nici tonight.”
I, of course, explained to him how I know Nici from the Pacific Telephone Installation Department. He seemed sad that I wasn’t going to see him again.
Alas, Nici backed out on our date at the last minute.
Nici cried, “I have to work until eight thirty tonight. Sorry…I need the money.”
And so, I waited on Frank to call me.
Frank and I ended up going to the Union City Drive-In movies to see the new James Bond 007 film OCTOPUSSY. It wasn’t so great because I couldn’t keep my mind on the motion-picture. I notice Frank was being so fidgety, so his movements were annoying. Frank wasn’t ‘into watching the movie’, so we left before the second flick started at about ten-thirty.
We talked about a trip to the amusement park, GREAT AMERICA, for this Saturday. Frank was so excited about this plan (like a little boy).
Frank said, “The only problem is my mom. She’s so strict.”
“Well, if you can’t go this Saturday…then you owe me a trip to GREAT AMERICA.”
He liked that.
After the OCTOPUSSY movie we came to my place and I wrote a page in his Year Book. I neglected to mention that he wrote me a nice, revealing note about his feelings for me. I was really flattered and overtaken when I read his written words. He also played a song for me by THE BEATLES called “Baby, It’s You”. It was intriguing to hear. I truly care a lot about Frank now. It’s hard to believe we’ve only known one another for only five days. I’m glad he enjoys my company as I most certainly enjoy his, too. No matter where we are we fit in.
Oh yes, before Frank and I went to the Drive-In movie we stopped to see a couple of his lesbian friends. I didn’t really feel very comfortable about meeting them. While they seemed to be very nice I was not really into meeting folks of that sort. Anyway, after I wrote into Frank’s Year Book we kissed ‘and stuff’ on my couch. It feels so good feeling him against me. He has those good-looks that my cousin, Troy Vigil, had when he was younger. Now my cousin, Troy, is such a burnout in the Sacramento area. He looks gross. What happened to him? Also, one of Frank’s grins reminds me of that girl named Karen Caster that I liked. He could pass as her cousin. She’s the one I met at STAR GAZE in Fremont a couple of weeks ago. The grin actually looks one-hundred percent better on him.
Frank finally ‘came’ on me as I continued to enjoy the lithe of his body against mine as we were lying on my couch. It felt so good and warm. Yummy…but there’s a lot we have to do yet.
I drove Frank home at about 1:30AM. We listened to some mellow tunes by Steve Winwood. I particularly like his number one song from last year called HIGHER LOVE. I began to wonder if we were experiencing a ‘Higher Love’.
I mentioned to Frank, “You know…maybe we can be roommates at some point.”
“I love that idea, Michael.”
It would probably have to be at my folks’ townhouse in Alameda. I don’t know how he’d feel about being there. Whatever…
Oh, Jackie Woods finally called to say, “I’ve been so busy with my four and five year old pre-schoolers.”
She’s a nice friend to have. We have such good discussions. I told her about Frank and she didn’t even flinch about it.
Frank may come over tomorrow. We plan to lay out by THE TIMBERS swimming pool. I hope he comes (and I do mean that in more ways than one after how good it felt last night).
He thought that every strong emotion such as love, hatred, or jealousy eventually showed itself in some great gesture, and not always in the form of a clear illustration of that emotion, not always what the person himself, or the public, might have expected. He began walking, listening, but he heard only the innocent and absent-minded tweets of sparrows, and from somewhere a turtle dove.
-Patricia Highsmith
THE BOY WHO FOLLOWED RIPLEY
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