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Saturday, 27 October 2012

The Beginnings - Part 116: I NEED SOMEONE

Posted on 04:00 by Unknown

“You’ve chosen a rather public place for a private meeting,” I note.
“I’ve always found it best to hide in plain sight.”
-Paul Russell
THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings – Part 116:    
I NEED SOMEONE

October 27, 1983

Today was a drab day.   The reason being happened at around two o’clock.  
My Supervisor, Sue Reppert said, “I need to talk to you at three thirty…to discuss something that may require disciplinary action.”
I was biting my nails for a good hour and a half, wondering what she planned to burden me about.   Could it be that minor adjustment I gave to George’s phone bill?  
She asked, “Do you want a Union steward present?”
I said, “No.” 
I didn’t feel like I had anything to hide.   I was nervous.   I was prepared for anything that might come my way.  

I felt I did such an excellent performance.  In fact, it was Academy-Award caliber.  Last month I made a call to Los Gatos to Call George Jones.   I had it billed to Rose Rodarte’s private line.   Rose is a coworker and I had taken a call at her desk.   I guess someone noticed that the call originated from my telephone number.   I acted dumbfounded.
I lied through my teeth by saying, “I just called a customer after work to give a listing.”
Sue was kind of suspicious about my response.
Sue answered, “There were return calls on your bill to that same number.”
I persisted by giving a no knowledge expression.   I was good at that.  
I said, “It could have been my kid brother.  I don’t know.”
Sue said, “If it was…I don’t know how far it could go.  He could go to jail.”
I abruptly replied, “Well then, I’ll take full responsibility.”
“You could get suspended.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I’ll abeyance the incident for now and discuss it with you tomorrow after you speak with your brother.”

I now feel I have a good fib laid out.   It’s a shame I have to play a double-agent at times.   Secrets must be kept secret.   I just hope my reputation with the company isn’t totally shot.   I very much doubt it.   I could tell that Sue believed my Award-winning performance.
It was especially innocent when I asked, “Why would I do something like that?”
“I don’t know.”
I added, “You know…when I was a Computer Operator I used to print out intra-company phone bills and I know they were always being reviewed by management.”
George has still remained invisible.  
Jim did call me at around 8:45PM.   He’s driving from his house in Martinez to visit me in Alameda.  He actually lives in Martinez…not Walnut Creek.     It will be nice to see him outside of a gay skating rink.   I need someone right now.   I feel distraught over my disciplinary talk at work.   It was a bit scary.

Drawing two fingers across my brow, I discovered I was sweating.
-Paul Russell
THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel


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Friday, 26 October 2012

The Beginnings - Part 115: YOU'RE BEING BRAVE NOW

Posted on 04:00 by Unknown

“What matters is how we spend the time we’re given.”
-Paul Russell
THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings – Part 115:  YOU’RE BEING BRAVE NOW

October 26, 1983

Work always seems to be the same routine.   I did enjoy lunch with Helen though.   We went to the Ordway Building.   We found our way inside some shop and opened a bottle that had the words ‘Pet Fart’ printed on the outside of the container.  
I opened it and a man’s voice said out loud, “Uh oh, you let it out!”
That was funny.   There was another box that was imprinted ‘How do you spell relief?’
Inside it spelled our S.H.I.T.   Once again we laughed.   Helen and I were cracking-up. 

After work I went for a bike ride along the beach that lasted until six-thirty when it started to get dark.   It felt good.   My cough seems to be neutralizing.   I feel better.

George never bothered to contact me.   He had promised he would call.   Once again he did not keep to his word.   I’ve decided to NOT call him anymore.   I know I’ve written those words before but this time I really must allow him to do the initiating.  

One guy did keep his word though.   It was Jim.   The guy from Walnut Creek that I met at the skating rink last night.   We had such a good talk.   We spoke of diverse subjects like WHEATIES Cereal, bowling, bike riding, DYNASTY, George Jones, being aggressive, weight lifting, Halloween costumes, Walnut Creek and the Martinez area.   He is such a nice guy.   We have such a good, easy time conversing.   I learned a lot about myself from his insights, opinions and predictions.
Jim said, “You know…you really resemble Clark Gable.”
I laughed, but took the compliment with a grain of salt.
“Thanks.”
“You also remind me of my brother who is also a Gemini.”
“What is your opinion of a Gemini?”
“Well…sometimes they are uncaring about what others think.   They have a two-way personality and they’re willing to be adventurous and do some pretty wild things when the feelings arise.”
“Wow…I can relate to some of that.   I think.”
Jim laughed. 
I liked how he was so frank with me.   We had such a good, intelligent and open-conversation.
“Listen…why don’t I call you after DYNASTY and we can talk more?”
“Okay,” Jim replied.

I telephoned Vicki Perata but her mom answered the phone and said, “Oh, Vicki went shopping.”
I gave my information and her mother promised she would have her call me back.

I really liked Jim’s response when I said, “I am not going to call George anymore.”
Jim answered, “You’re being brave now…and that’s a very good decision.”
We continued our talk and I liked his sense of optimism when he said, “I predict we will end up together at Dan and Ken’s Halloween Party…but I don’t know.”
Was he testing me?   I played it cool like any secret agent would.   There’s no point in saying too much.

I realize that George, dope (marijuana) and I simply do not mix well.   I know he loves to have his dope time.   Shit!  
During our last contact George had said, “I had a joint when we went to see Carol Burnett.   I deserved it for holding out for such a long while.”
Somehow I didn’t believe him.   I’m sure he wasn’t holding out on the junk.

During the course of watching the latest episode of DYNASTY I received a phone call from Helen.   She felt a need to speak to me about her ex-fiancé, Arnold.
Helen said, “Arnold had a kid with some lady and he told me I should think about having a kid soon.”
She actually hinted that I would be a likely prospect for her to court in order to conceive.   This surprised me; however, I really believe she was serious.   I am unsure about which passage to take.   What door should I open?  

Vicki also called me back.  She was quite sincere.
Vicki said, “My exam was postponed.   And now my sister is up here from Washington and will be leaving for Germany soon.”
This all led to her cancelling-out on our date for tomorrow night.
“It’s okay.   I understand.”
“I feel really bad.  I do want to go out with you.  Maybe we can go out next week.   Call me early next week.”
“Okay.”
I was a tad disappointed.  
I will have to share this news with Jim.   Perhaps he and I can arrange something in Walnut Creek tomorrow night since I will now be free.   When I called Jim again we had another great conversation.   I have to admit that I was surprised when he asked me a question with regard to penis size.
Jim asked, “Are you small or medium?”
I felt pressured to answer, “Medium.”
“I’m in-between medium and big.”
Whatever that means?   I suppose it’s all relative.   It was funny.   He’s really an interesting chap.   I enjoy his company.   He gave me a good suggestion for my Halloween costume.
Jim said excitedly, “I think you should be a football player.”
“I’ll have to look into it.   If I do that I’m sure I’ll look really big.”
He laughed.

Though I am filled with irresolvable questions about his motives, and am half expecting that he has laid some sort of trap (but why go to all that trouble?), I am at the same time hungry for this bit of honest human contact.  Perhaps he is as well.
-Paul Russell
THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

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Thursday, 25 October 2012

The Beginnings - Part 114: A LAME EXCUSE

Posted on 04:00 by Unknown
“You learn as you get older you actually know less about who you are.”
-as heard in the 2006 film
THE CURIOSITY OF CHANCE

The Beginnings – Part 114: A LAME EXCUSE

Twenty-five years ago today:  October 25, 1987

I accompanied mom to the Holy Sepulchre Cemetery in Hayward.   Mom wanted to clean Dad’s grave site and set some new flowers.   It’s almost two months since Dad has passed away.   It’s very hard to believe sometimes.   Mom misses him so much.  I miss him, too.  When I hear a Hank Williams or Elvis Presley song I think of Dad.   It’s as if he is giving me a message.

We celebrated Lauren’s Birthday today.   Her actual Birthday is October 18th but it was festive fun.   My favorite photo was when Ashley (Lauren’s 1st cousin) couldn’t wait and blew out Lauren’s candles.   Lauren was oblivious to the moment.    Sweet.

October 25, 1983

I did choose to call George during my first break period while at work today.   We finally talked.
George asked, “Why did you hang up on me?”
He was clever at turning the tables.   He knows very well that he was the one who hung up on me.  He went on and on about how childish I have been.   Was I?  
I put him in his place when I shouted, “We had the weekend pre-planned for our four-month anniversary!”
I am still kind of ‘blah-zay’ about our entire relationship.
I asked a couple of questions like, “Where have you been?   What have you been up to?”   
His response was not good.
George replied, “I’ve been busy.”
If he’s too busy to NOT make time for me, then F#&!K - it!  
“I’ll call you tonight,” George stated calmly.  
It is now tonight and he has yet to call.

I decided to call Dan and Ken but George was not there.   I tried to find out if they had plans to go to San Leandro for gay skate night.
Dan said, “We have no intentions of going to the rink tonight.”
So…who knows?

Heck!   I called Tammy.
Tammy said, “I’m going to the rink tonight.”
“Well, I’ll see you there then.”
I’m simply curious to see whether or not George will be there.   Why is he NOT making time for me?  

Nici called me but I am still in a questionable quandary about her being ‘my type’.  

What an evening.   There was a tall blond that gave me a ‘killer smile’.   It wrenched my heart.   She seems interesting.   It’s too bad I didn’t get to speak with her.    Tammy pulled a 'no-show'.
PHOTO:  Robert Conrad as James West
 
I did speak with a guy named Jim from Walnut Creek.   He was talking to Kevin at the skating rink last week.   Jim is really very polite.   I felt free to talk to Jim about my relationship with George.
I said, “I just feel leery about his affection at this point.   I noticed directly dialed phone calls on George’s phone bill to someone named James West in Millbrae.”
Perhaps I wanted to hear Jim say that he’s seeing someone else.   I took matters into my own hands.   When I arrived back home I called the Millbrae telephone number myself.  
“Hello,” James West stated.   I assume it was him.  I hated his name because it reminded me of the character name of Robert Conrad in The Wild Wild West.
“Is George there?”
James handed the phone to George.   George was there!   I easily detected the shocked silence in George’s voice when he realized it was me.   George was not very open with me.   How could he be?   I knew he wasn’t pleased to hear me.   He suddenly gave me a lame excuse about why he hadn’t called me.   I feel he is initiating a fight with me.
I foolishly asked, “Do I have anything to worry about?”
George said abruptly, “No.”
I was confused.   I will give him the benefit of the doubt until I get actual proof.  

I hope George will call me tomorrow night as he promised (once again).  
If George doesn’t call me I hear the voice of Jim whispering in my ear.
Jim had said earlier tonight, “I will call you and maybe I can get some inside tips from Kevin ‘about George’ for you.”
Why does this all feel so ‘high-school’?   I don’t know.   I do feel that I shared something special with Jim tonight.

I still have Vicki Perata to call tonight to confirm our date for Thursday…

“That was a kind of powerful, intimate situation…just now—sharing the flame.”
-Ethan Hawke
As heard while watching the 2009 film
NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU

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