“You learn as you get older you actually know less about who you are.”
-as heard in the 2006 film
THE CURIOSITY OF CHANCE
The Beginnings – Part 114: A LAME EXCUSE
Twenty-five years ago today: October 25, 1987
I accompanied mom to the Holy Sepulchre Cemetery in Hayward. Mom wanted to clean Dad’s grave site and set some new flowers. It’s almost two months since Dad has passed away. It’s very hard to believe sometimes. Mom misses him so much. I miss him, too. When I hear a Hank Williams or Elvis Presley song I think of Dad. It’s as if he is giving me a message.
We celebrated Lauren’s Birthday today. Her actual Birthday is October 18th but it was festive fun. My favorite photo was when Ashley (Lauren’s 1st cousin) couldn’t wait and blew out Lauren’s candles. Lauren was oblivious to the moment. Sweet.
October 25, 1983
I did choose to call George during my first break period while at work today. We finally talked.
George asked, “Why did you hang up on me?”
He was clever at turning the tables. He knows very well that he was the one who hung up on me. He went on and on about how childish I have been. Was I?
I put him in his place when I shouted, “We had the weekend pre-planned for our four-month anniversary!”
I am still kind of ‘blah-zay’ about our entire relationship.
I asked a couple of questions like, “Where have you been? What have you been up to?”
His response was not good.
George replied, “I’ve been busy.”
If he’s too busy to NOT make time for me, then F#&!K - it!
“I’ll call you tonight,” George stated calmly.
It is now tonight and he has yet to call.
I decided to call Dan and Ken but George was not there. I tried to find out if they had plans to go to San Leandro for gay skate night.
Dan said, “We have no intentions of going to the rink tonight.”
So…who knows?
Heck! I called Tammy.
Tammy said, “I’m going to the rink tonight.”
“Well, I’ll see you there then.”
I’m simply curious to see whether or not George will be there. Why is he NOT making time for me?
Nici called me but I am still in a questionable quandary about her being ‘my type’.
What an evening. There was a tall blond that gave me a ‘killer smile’. It wrenched my heart. She seems interesting. It’s too bad I didn’t get to speak with her. Tammy pulled a 'no-show'.
PHOTO: Robert Conrad as James West
I did speak with a guy named Jim from Walnut Creek. He was talking to Kevin at the skating rink last week. Jim is really very polite. I felt free to talk to Jim about my relationship with George.
I said, “I just feel leery about his affection at this point. I noticed directly dialed phone calls on George’s phone bill to someone named James West in Millbrae.”
Perhaps I wanted to hear Jim say that he’s seeing someone else. I took matters into my own hands. When I arrived back home I called the Millbrae telephone number myself.
“Hello,” James West stated. I assume it was him. I hated his name because it reminded me of the character name of Robert Conrad in The Wild Wild West.
“Hello,” James West stated. I assume it was him. I hated his name because it reminded me of the character name of Robert Conrad in The Wild Wild West.
“Is George there?”
James handed the phone to George. George was there! I easily detected the shocked silence in George’s voice when he realized it was me. George was not very open with me. How could he be? I knew he wasn’t pleased to hear me. He suddenly gave me a lame excuse about why he hadn’t called me. I feel he is initiating a fight with me.
I foolishly asked, “Do I have anything to worry about?”
George said abruptly, “No.”
I was confused. I will give him the benefit of the doubt until I get actual proof.
I hope George will call me tomorrow night as he promised (once again).
If George doesn’t call me I hear the voice of Jim whispering in my ear.
Jim had said earlier tonight, “I will call you and maybe I can get some inside tips from Kevin ‘about George’ for you.”
Why does this all feel so ‘high-school’? I don’t know. I do feel that I shared something special with Jim tonight.
I still have Vicki Perata to call tonight to confirm our date for Thursday…
“That was a kind of powerful, intimate situation…just now—sharing the flame.”
-Ethan Hawke
As heard while watching the 2009 film
NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU
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