I Go Crazy...for Kelly Mullin

In those few minutes he saw himself and his life, saw the whole cosmos guided, ordered, and interpreted by the spirit of music.

-Hermann Hesse, THE GLASS BEAD GAME, a novel, Chapter:  THE CALL

FEBRUARY 28, 1988  Diary Notes…

PHOTO:  Michael G Miller and 'me'

It’s the last day of February 1988.   Michael Miller and I posed for a photo in my living room.   Elroy (from THE JETSONS gave a cameo background appearance).  In the next month  I will be an uncle for a third and fourth time.

I was excited about the planned outing for tonight in San Francisco.   A double-date night was scheduled with me, Jim from the Gym, Kelly Mullin and Christine Hicks.   We were all set to see FLESH FOR LULU and GENE LOVES JEZEBEL in-concert at the GIFT CENTER on 9^thStreet in The City.  

PHOTO:  Dinner at Hamburger Mary's with 'Jim from the Gym', Christine Hicks, Kelly Mullin and 'me'

I brought along my Polaroid and took pictures of us at HAMBURGER MARY’s where we ate dinner before the concert.   We were having such a good time at this very hip place called HAMBURGER MARY’s that after the meal I had the waiter take our group photo (shown above).  I looked at the instant gratification Polaroid and thought ‘Wow…maybe we’ll have a double-wedding’.   It seemed to all fit into a likely possibility.

Christine was in thrill mode when I took the photo of her feet next to Jim’s because they both had dark shoes and white socks (without actually planning on it).  They were both so 80’s ‘fashion forward’.  

Flesh for Lulu is a rock band from LONDON.  I was excited to see them because I was so “into” their song called “I GO CRAZY”.   The lyrics really described how I was feeling about Kelly Mullin.   I go crazy when I’m without her.   Here are the lyrics to “I GO CRAZY” that was also featured in that movie last year (1987) called SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm35ZUMzDWk):

I go crazy I go crazy when I'm without you...What have I done today...Just sat and watched the jets fly over...A car goes by...And the sun goes down

We talk about the town

This city's mad in the head
And sick in the soul
All the stars flew away a long time ago
Isn't that nice
Like Miami Vice
PHOTO:  ‘me’ Crazy for KELLY MULLIN

I go crazy when I'm without you

I go crazy when I'm without you
Well your life is like an infant’s dream
It's like everything's on TV
You see your face in the mirror
Could it be your place in the mirror
And so we turn on the TV one more time
And we see that everything is fine
But what have I done today
I go crazy
What have I done today
I go crazy when I'm without you
I go crazy
I go crazy
I I I go crazy when I'm without you
Go crazy
I go crazy when I'm without you

What have I done today

What have I done today
Sue-Ellen looks so upset
This isn't the first time
And it won't be the last
Things going on behind her back
Oh they give you a heart attack
I go crazy when I'm without you, go crazy
I go crazy when I'm without you, go crazy
I go crazy when I'm without you
But what have I done today

PHOTO:  FLESH FOR LULU
I go crazy
I go crazy
I go crazy
I go crazy
But what have I done today
I go crazy
But what have I done today
I go crazy when I'm without you
I go crazy
I go crazy when I'm without you, go crazy
I go crazy when I'm without you, go crazy
I go crazy when I'm without you
But what have I done today
I go crazy.. I go crazy…I go crazy… I go crazy

The thing about Kelly and I is that it was very electric.  We both felt the attraction for one another.   I could feel that she was crazy about me, too. It was strong and it didn’t seem like it would ever end. 

PHOTO:   'me' and Jim, Cwissy and Kelly

The other band we were to see tonight is called Gene Loves Jezebel, an alternative band that formed in the early 1980s.   It was founded by identical twin brothers, Jay and Michael Aston.  Gene Loves Jezebel's “IT” song was "Desire (Come and Get It)".   I really liked that one, too.  It also made me think of Kelly.   In fact, that particular tune made me think of the four of us…we loved going out together to just dance and have a blast with these cool alternative tracks of the times.

The funny thing about our double-date is that 'Jim from the Gym' and Cwissy really connected as well.  Kelly and I weren't totally sure how that would go over.  They were as tight as the GENE LOVES JEZEBEL ‘Desire’ song…or so it seemed.

PHOTO:  Jim and Cwissy with GENE LOVES JEZEBEL

The concerts were a blast and it was one unforgettable Night of Fun.

 "I LOVE US.”

–as heard while watching the 2009 film 500 DAYS OF SUMMER

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Together In Electric Dreams

“If you wish to make an inventory of my sex life I must tell you you’ve missed out on several episodes.”
BLITHE SPIRIT,
An Improbably Farce by Noel Coward (a play):

Diary Notes from February 1988 

I dropped in on mom from time to time.  She always made my day and always made for another Polaroid opportunity still.  On this particular day I was wearing my ROAD WARRIOR T-shirt.  I remember when I was bicycling all over the Bay Area I really felt like a ‘Road Warrior’.

Earlier this month I went with Kelly and her good friend, Christine, to THE UNDERGROUND, a dance club in the City.   I wore my gray 501 LEVI jeans and a white shirt.  I thought I’d be cool and wear a scarf around my neck to hide my vampire marks (just kidding about the vampire marks).  
I didn’t realize it at the time but I went to my automated teller to get some cash and Kelly asked Christine, “What’s with the scarf around the neck?”
PHOTO:  Kelly Mullin

They didn’t realize the impact that the 1983 song called HORROR MOVIES had on me by The Bollock Brothers (a British punk band).  The scarf was probably also influential from my watching DARK SHADOWS.   

I was so amazed my Christine Hicks’ knowledge of music.   She’s like a music trivia almanac.   The three of us were all dancing together to THE HUMAN LEAGUE.   I really felt something special about Kelly when we danced.   She reminds me of Christie Brinkley, the super model.   She could be her kid sister.   The way Kelly looked at me and I looked at her as we danced to TOGETHER IN ELECTRIC DREAMS was too much excitement for one night.   In fact, many of THE HUMAN LEAGUE tunes had me dwelling on Kelly.   The lyrics always seemed appropriate for ‘us’.  I’m only HUMAN, after all.

A week later I drove into San Francisco with Kelly Mullin and Christine Hicks.    Jim from the Gym came along this time. We went to the DV8 Dance Club as it was advertised on our favorite radio station. Jim met Christine and they seemed to hit it off nicely.   I was hoping they would get along.   We had a fun night after dancing. It was great how we all connected with the same type of alternative music a la THE QUAKE radio.  We went to that 24-Hour CHURCH STREET STATION for breakfast together at 2AM or so.   There were two transvestites there in fighting mode.  I sure don’t get this kind of action in suburbia.   City life is fascinating.   We are all thinking of going to a concert together later this month.  Exciting times…

I haven’t shared the news about Kelly to Paloma.   I suppose there really isn’t anything to disclose at this time.  It's too early to tell. Paloma is married now and has her little boy.   Somehow I still can’t seem to lose the solid connection we have always had.  Paloma must still think of me—but things are different now.   She sees a card with a bicycle on it and cannot help but think of me just as I think of her every time I see a perfume bottle.

PHOTO:  Postcard from PALOMA, dated February 20, 1988

Paloma wrote:

Hello Michael,
Thanks for your card.  I was glad to see your house on it.  Was that you waving at the window?

What’s happening?  No more long letters…I’ve been kind of worried for a while.   I was wondering why you didn’t write to me anymore.

Jonathon is fine…Thank you.   He’s just got two teeth and he is blond with blue eyes.  He’s really cute.   What’s the meaning of significant other?   I don’t understand that…

I remembered you at VALENTINE’S DAY, too.   I wondered what you did that day.   Remember when we went out together that one time?   Also they played PRINCESS DAISY on TV.   Remember when we used to talk about it on the phone?   I miss the Bay Area too.   Why are you writing at my old address?  Did you lose my new one?   So many computers and stuff…huh?

By the way, I wanted to ask you if you ever happen to get perfume samples.  I would love you for the rest of my life if you sent some to me.  I don’t know if I told you before but I collect the perfume bottles.   I’m really interested by American ones.   I’m even more into perfume samples than I was into body-building…if you can imagine!   Hope to read you soon but I’d keep loving you anyway.

PALOMA

My brother, Tony, and sister-in-law, Helen, have sold their house in Castro Valley.   I took a long bike ride to Castro Valley from Alameda and took a cool pic of Helen with the FOR SALE sign.   They’ve bought a larger, newer house in Castro Valley.   Good for them.

“That was a powerful, intimate moment…sharing the flame.”
–Ethan Hawke
I LOVE YOU, NEW YORK (movie)

 

 

 

 

 

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Other Things On My Mind

Youth is not the time to seduce, it is the time to be seduced.

The Pure and the Impure
by COLETTE

I was feeling creative and chose to photograph my ELROY stuffed toy (from THE JETSONS) and the troll that my mom bought for me in Vegas.   They’re my coolest friends that live with me, they don’t talk back either.

I was feeling a bit homesick for Hawaii after receiving a couple of postcards from Bill Matson.   I guess he has decided to settle down there for a while.   I was hoping to fly to Hawaii again in March but I’m not so sure I’ll be able to do it now.  Other things and other people have come up.   Bill made me laugh with this one postcard of a Hawaiian notable named AUNITE MATI, performing a Hula Dance.   She does a one-hour show at the Waikiki Shell Amphitheater on Monsarrat Avenue.   She’s been doing it since 1937.

Bill wrote:  

Hi Michael,
This lady heard what a great escort you are on the dinner cruises.   She’ll be waiting for you in March if you can make it!   I went to a party at DIAMOND HEAD, a place that Lana Turner once owned.   It has a great pool and water slide.   Then I ended up on a sailboat stranded at sea for four hours!   More later….Bill
PHOTO:  Lana Turner

The other postcard Bill sent me was of a beautiful emerald night sky with a full moon over Diamond Head.    I thought this card was rather romantic.   I wondered about Bill—but he never made any moves on me.   Perhaps he has an infatuation.  He seems to want me to come to Hawaii in March.   He probably wants to lay out with me on a rock near Diamond Head somewhere.   I bet he wants to seduce me.  Then again, he did stress the separate  queen size sleeping quarters in his junior apartment.  Who knows?  

Right now I have other things on my mind.   I met a girl named Kelly just after Thanksgiving at the OASIS Dance Club in San Francisco.   She was with her friend, Chris, and I think this thing with Kelly could blossom into something good.   She likes me.   We’ve had telephone conversations and I look forward to her phone calls as she does mine.  

Bill wrote:

Hi Michael,

I found an apartment in a good location between Kuhio and Ali Wai.   It’s at 225 Kauilani Avenue #1406.   It is a sort of “Junior” one-bedroom.   It has a queen size sleeper in the living area.   So…if you want to make another visit to Waikiki you definitely have a place to stay.

Take Care, Bill

I am much drawn to the idea of using my leisure and good spirits one of these days to write a subject would not matter.  It would only be a pretext for me to seclude myself and enjoy the happiness of having a great deal of leisure.

One of the purposes of our being together is, among other things, that we exchange knowledge and reach a balance with each other. 
THE LEGEND Chapter
THE GLASS BEAD GAME, a novel by HERMANN HESSE

 

 

 

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The Young Man Finds Himself Trapped

“Nothing lasts forever.”
-as heard in the 2009 film, WHATEVER WORKS by Woody Allen

 Diary Notes from January 30, 1988….

PHOTO:  Annie Alberti

On January 30, 1988 I had a nice visit from MIKE MILLER.   He’ll never turn down a slice of pound cake.   I had just come home from a bike ride.

PHOTO:  MICHAEL G MILLER and the pound cake

I also shared some of my macadamia nuts from Hawaii.   Who can resist chocolate-covered macadamia nuts? 

An hour or so later mom stopped by to see me for a bit.  I was lounging with the TV.  I was watching a James Ivory film called MAURICE.   It was about a fascinating storyline whereby a lover rejects him and the young man finds himself trapped by the oppressiveness of Edwardian society until he tries to come to terms with and accept his sexuality.  It starred Rupert Graves and James Wilby.   I really liked it.

Mom likes to come over and straighten-up my pad.   I have to admit I do love it when she sparkled-up my place with her finishing touches.  After she did a bit of dusting I persuaded her to take a photo of me with the TROLL she bought me in Las Vegas, Nevada.  Ha-ha…we left for her place after the photo for a late lunch.

PHOTO:  'me', mom and my cool TROLL

 I was also excited on this evening because Anne Alberti was coming over.   We had planned on a movie and I was hoping she wouldn’t FLAKE OUT like she has in the past.   I chose the movie MOONSTRUCK.  I had read about it in my PREMIERE magazine and it sounds good.   It’s about an Italian girl (played by CHER).   Given that Anne is Italian I figured it would be perfect.  CHER plays Loretta Castorini, a book keeper from Brooklyn, New York, who finds herself in a difficult situation when she falls for the brother of the man she agreed to marry (the best friend of her late husband who died seven years previously).  The brother she falls for is played by NICOLAS CAGE.   I’ve liked him ever since his BIRDY movie.

It’s funny because I received a postcard from 'Jim from the Gym' a few weeks ago while he was in Denver.   Jim takes Anne’s aerobics class a lot.  He always wears those sexy gray tights.   I know—like me---he has a crush on Anne.   The words he wrote on that postcard proved it.  I still cannot help but calling him "JIM FROM THE GYM".   That will forever be his nickname.

JIM FROM THE GYM wrote:

MIKE,

I'm having a great time!  

Denver has a lot of snow and it's cold but I'm keeping WARM! 

I hope you're taking good care of ANNE for me.  (I'm sure you are).  See ya when I get back.   STAY COOL.   JIM

I took a nap before Anne’s arrival.   I wanted to be rested and ready to go.   I was so excited when the doorbell rang.   She was wearing gray and black but I think she’d look good in any color.    I’m glad she came to my Christmas Party last month, so she knew exactly how to find my townhouse.
PHOTO:  'me' with Anne Alberti and a magazine cover of MOONSTRUCK

We left for the movie and it was really a fun dramatic romantic-comedy that we both enjoyed very much.   The song of the week was COULD’VE BEEN by Tiffany.   I was still at a rock and a hard place to know what could be.   I think Anne made me feel MOONSTRUCK; however, I called 'Jim From the Gym' that night.

"So, how'd it go?" Jim laughed.

"It was pretty good...but I don't know.   She seems fickle.  I think we should go out and see what other fish are in the pond."

"Okay...let's do it."

After I hung-up with Jim I looked in my dictionary for the definition of MOONSTRUCK.   It's an adjective.  The definition:   behaving in a silly or slightly crazy way, especially when you are in love...

“My story is whatever works.”  -as heard in the 2009 film, WHATEVER WORKS by Woody Allen

 

 

 

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Trying To Sway

Whenever Rudolf Nureyev felt that strangers were looking at him, he immediately straightened his posture.

NUREYEV:  His Life by Diane Solway
 

PHOTO:   A Self-Portrait of me in my Honolulu Hotel Room on January 29, 1988
 

I arrived in Honolulu, Hawaii the last week of January 1988.  

I hadn’t been in Hawaii since July 1987.    I was back  for my return visit after about six months.   I knew some people there but it was ironic that I coincidentally bumped into Bill Matson on Waikiki Beach.   He goes there often.  It was difficult to read him but he was as nice as the last time I saw him.   He asked if I might want to go on a large catamaran boat cruise with him tonight, January 29, 1988.

 

“They’re really fun,” Bill said.

 “Why not?  That sounds great.”

 

I loved the YELLOW of the boat.   Bill met me there and it was as fun as he'd promised.   We both just wanted to have a good time and after a few mai tai cocktails it’s easy to mingle and just plain have fun.   

I had my polaroid camera with me and I took a couple of fun group shots.  One was taken with a couple of flirty, chubby gals.   Another was taken with a couple of elderly ladies.   They were all so much fun. 

 

I was brave when it came to the learn how to hula session.   I didn’t realize it at the time but Bill took a shot of me with my camera, trying to sway with the boat (not an easy task).   Sometimes I felt strangers were watching me but I chose not to care.   I simply stood tall and wanted to have a good time during my last night on the island.

The local Hawaiians working on the boat thought I was a local because I had such a local looking tan.    The staff was so nice.   I captured a pic with one of the local gals, too. 

PHOTO:  ‘me’ with Local Hawaiian girl

A week in a Hawaii can fly by faster than a silver bullet.   I made sure I had a good time.   I liked just resting on the beach during the daytime.    It was the thing to do.    Honolulu seemed to agree with me.   I was pondering the idea of moving to Hawaii; however, it also felt rather remote.   I was torn between the mainland and the gorgeous beaches.

The song for the week of January 26, 1988 was NEED YOU TONIGHT by INXS.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Swdbv5I6qzc

I wasn’t quite sure who I needed at night.   Sometimes sleeping alone on a soft pillow does the trick after a long, hot day in the sun.   One thing I did know was that I’d be back in Alameda the next day and ready for my usual drill at work the following week.   It was what I felt the need to do.

“Men by their nature, seemingly cannot be happy unless engaged in enterprises that make them feel useful.   They must, therefore, be returned to participation in such enterprises.” 
-Kurt Vonnegut Jr.,
PLAYER PIANO, a novel

 

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The Way You Make ME Feel

“Some people take a drink, others take a pill…I just take a few deep breaths.”

–Deborah Kerr, THE NIGHT OF THE IGUANA (movie 1964):

I found this story last year (2013) at the DRAGON HERBS store in Santa Monica, CA and kept it.  I just loved it…it’s a reminder of what we choose to focus on 'in our minds'.

TWO MONKS AND THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
A Traditional Zen Story

An old monk and a young monk were walking through a forest when they came to a river bank and saw a beautiful young woman standing at the edge of the bank.

The woman told the monks that she was afraid to cross the river because she might slip and be carried downstream.   She asked if the monks might help her across.

Now it so happened that these two monks were members of a sect which practiced celibacy and they had both taken vows never to touch a member of the opposite sex.   But the old monk, sensing the extreme anxiety of the young woman, lifted her onto his back and carried her to the other side of the river.

The young woman thanked him and went on her way.   The two monks continued on their journey, but the young monk was shocked and disturbed at having seen his older companion break his vow so nonchalantly.   Finally, after three hours of walking and thinking, he could contain himself no longer and her burst out.

“Tell me, old man, what did it feel like to break your vow of so many years?   What did it feel like to allow sensuality to tempt you from your spiritual path?   What did it feel like to have her warm thighs wrapped around your waist, her breasts brushing against your back, her arms around your neck and her soft cheeks at one with your own?   Tell me old man, what is it like to carry such a beautiful young woman?”

The older monk remained silent for several steps and then said, “It is YOU who should tell me what it is like to carry such a beautiful young woman.   You see, I put her down three hours ago at the river, but you are still carrying her.”

PHOTO:  ECOLA BEACH Postcard from Eileen Grabinsky

I found this postcard dated January 26, 1987 from Eileen Grabinsky.    She has always made me feel something special.

She wrote:  Monday, January 26, 1987

Hello Michael Babe…

I like OREGON.  My friends are showing me the spots.   I’ve decided to move here.   See you.   Just joshin’. 
Well, Hon…see you on Saturday at 5:00.   I hope it’s not delayed at UNITED.   Bye.   Hope you are having fun.
Love, Eileen

PHOTO:  'me' with Eileen Grabinsky on March 3, 1987

On this week in of January 19, 1988 the TOP Billboard song of the week was all a tizzy over MICHAEL JACKSON and his hit song “THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzZ_urpj4As

“My problem is I love words more than the woman who inspired me to write them.”

–Jeremy Irons

THE WORDS, a movie seen on 9-11-2012

 

 

 

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A Little Bird Flew By...

YOU shouldn’t write with a broken pencil because it’s pointless.

-David Crystal,
A Little Book of Language

Twenty-six years ago today I wrote this letter to my mother…

The song of the week on January 12, 1988 was GOT MY MIND SET ON YOU by George Harrison:  

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZGYYDvZnpg

January 12, 1988

Dear Mom,

It seems a little bird flew by and told me to write you a letter.  I hope this will please you and/or make your day brighter.   I love you.

I have been thinking of dad a lot.   As time goes by it seems like memories come about and it starts to drill into my mind again that his being is no longer here.   I miss him so much.  And like I told you before, I’m not only lacking a father but a best-friend.   But then again the memories can make you feel happy because at least we shared those times, right?

In fact, just the other day I received a brochure from a movie club and hadn’t realized how many movies I’d seen with dad and you together.   There are some movies that you and he saw together too.  I want to share those memories with you now because they are all good.   In watching each movie I still remember how he felt while watching them.   How he laughed watching PORKY’S.   How he asked us questions about what was going on in BLUE VELVET.   How he got a kick out of Dustin Hoffman in TOOTSIE.   How he felt sorry and got all into the TRIP TO BOUNTIFUL story.   It was a slow-moving film but it brought him back to how he wanted to go to New Mexico to retire one day for his own return trip to bountiful near the Sangre de Cristo Mountains (near Mora, NM).   How he got so excited at the sight of his first car (the 55 Blue Ford) in the movie PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED.   How we had to explain the plot of BODY HEAT.   How we thought we were watching a stupid movie in ENEMY MINE.  How the country flicks thrilled him like COAL MINER’S DAUGHTER.   How he got a kick out of RISKY BUSINES.   How he mellowed with interest in the movies THE GODFATHER Part I and II and SCARFACE.  How he got into ON GOLDEN POND, AGNES OF GOD and IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE.  

He got a tickle in his funny bone over PEE WEE HERMAN’S BIG ADVENTURE, too…didn’t he?   HE liked the serious side of stories like PLACES IN THE HEART and CRIMES OF THE HEART, too.   Do you remember that?   I think the key five movies were his last.   It is those that I remember best because they were the last films we saw with him…LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS:  He thought the man eating plant was funny.   And you watched STAND BY ME with him.   Do you remember you thought that the fat boy was ‘me’ when I was little (Thanks a lot—Ha-ha!).   Dad really teased you when your tears came rolling down over THE COLOR PURPLE; yet, he knew it was altogether sad himself.   And last but not least THE BEDROOM WINDOW had him so involved in such a mystery.   Oh well…I just wanted to share these few movie magic memories that I hold dear and true.    This letter is also a reminder that you are NOT alone, mom.   I miss the guy a lot.

It saddens me.   I know you’ve shared more moments alone with him and it’s hard for you sometimes, but keep in mind he did tell me one day, “Take care of mom if anything happens to me.”   Remember the time he said, “Good thing Mike likes the Mexicali Rose, so if I die at least he’ll take you there.”   (…and I will).  Sometimes Dad would ask me the most simple questions and I’d ignore them, not thinking they were important.  Now I know they are.

Enclosed are some stickers of films that I mentioned and others that I know he enjoyed.   Look at them and see if they stir any memories for you.    

Always…LOVE,
Michael Joe

Something my Dad would’ve asked:

“What did you learn today?” Rudolf Nureyev would ask Tamara Zakrzhevskaya each time they met.

-NUREYEV:  His Life by Diane Solway

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