The Beginnings - Part 153: LIVING, LOVING and LEARNING

"What does a fella do when a pretty girl...starts taking off all of her clothes right there in front of him?”
-as heard while watching the Brian de Palma film SISTERS, starring Margot Kidder

The Beginnings – Part 153:  LIVING, LOVING, LEARNING

December 3, 1983, Saturday

When morning rolled around Bill Helbush and I went into the living room.   The living room was a real “mess”.   We were like animals.  I made it ‘within him’ on the floor.   It seemed finely forceful and enjoyable for both of us.  I felt we were intimately even (after last night).

Bill described me in a way I had never heard before: “You’re a ferocious fucker.”
I laughed it off.  I believe my face turned a shade of embarrassed red after he said it.

We went to the local I-HOP (International House of Pancakes).   It was as stormy as hell.   I really enjoyed the blueberry pancakes.    We continued with a good discussion.   I accompanied him with a few errands to the Grand Auto Store and Sun Valley Mall.   I bought a few Christmas gifts while I was there.   I bought myself a cycling shirt and a book called LIVING, LOVING and LEARNING by Leo Buscaglia.   I figured it was the appropriate title for the recent chain of events.

Later, Bill and I went for a walk.   Bill was upfront and confessed about his flirtatious nature.  He hinted about being overly promiscuous which gave me an immediate negative opinion of him.   I clearly understood his feelings about relationships and wanting to continue with ‘fooling around’ on the side.   My only question was whether I could /would accept such a lifestyle or relationship of that nature.   I’m in probate on the matter.   My initial feeling is completely negative.  

I left Bill’s pad in Walnut Creek at around three o’clock in the afternoon.   I walked in to the Townhouse to find my brother, John, watching television.   I took a nap when I was awoken by a phone call.

The phone call was from Tammy Duhr.   We set a date for this evening.  We will both get a taste of that newly advertised place on KQAK radio called BARLEY CORN’s at the HILTON INN.   I felt comfortable about being honest with Tammy.
I said, “You know…I met this guy named Bill at the rink and I was with him last night and part of today.  I’m feeling guilty about the whole incident, so I’m glad we are going out tonight.  I want to talk to you about it.”
“Oh really…that’s fine,” Tammy said reassuringly.
Her positive reply made me feel better.

Bill called a bit later.

“I’m going out with Tammy.”
I could tell he didn’t seem too thrilled about the fact.
Bill shrugged, “Well, I’ll call you tomorrow about a possible matinee.”
“Okay.”

I thought I dressed up rather gallantly.   I brought Tammy the white Teddy Bear that I picked out for her at the Sun Valley Mall.  
“OH, I love it,” she shouted.

We had a great time.   BARLEY CORN’s was such a nice place.   It was neatly decorated.  I thought it was my kind of place despite the fact that there were a lot of older women and gents prowling about.   Tammy and I showed them all up with our provocative dancing moves.                                                                            

Tammy said, “We are the STARS of the dance floor.”                                                                                       
“I’d say so.”

It was great fun.   We had lots of laughs.   Tammy and I drank three or four of the Blue Nile specialty drinks.   They were so good.   I could barely taste the alcohol but we were definitely feeling it.  
By two o’clock in the morning we were at my pad.   We started to watch that sinister movie called SISTERS, starring Margot Kidder.  It's about Siamese twin sisters and you don't really detect that there is a twin until later in the film.   We both felt tired so we decided to go to bed together without finishing the movie.   We shared some eager closeness.  We made some feeble attempts at lovemaking but the alcohol and tiredness hindered our performance.  We enjoyed the feeling of our bodies against one another.  It was warm.  We had a remarkably good time.  
I blurted, “If it rains tomorrow…we can go to a matinee.”
It didn’t rain though.   I drove Tammy home in the morning.   It was wild because they played this new song by SPARKS a few times and we are both in love with it.  It’s so GREAT!   It’s called A FUN BUNCH OF GUYS FROM OUTER SPACE.  That is exactly how I felt after the happenings from the last couple of nights.  I’m one of those ‘fun bunch of guys’ from Outer Space.

When I parked in front of her house I said, “I’ll call you later this week.   Maybe we can go to a movie.”

“Okay,” Tammy said; however, it almost felt as though she didn’t want to leave me.
I needed space.  Perhaps outer space is the place to be right now.

“I exist, I am, I am here, I am becoming, I make my own life and no one else makes it for me. I must face my own shortcomings, mistakes, transgressions. No one can suffer my non-being as I do, but tomorrow is another day, and I must decide to leave my bed and live again.
And if I fail, I don't have the comfort of blaming you or life or God."                                                                                                       
 -Leo Buscaglia, Living Loving and Learning