The Beginnings - Part 120: PALOMA, "WILL YOU CHANGE MY DIAPER?"

The reason we have expectations in the first place is because we want to aim as high as we can because when you love someone there's no limit as to what you can accomplish.

-KYLE-XY, TV series

Season II

Twenty-five years ago, October 31, 1987 

Ashley was now three and a half and she was dressed as a ballerina for Halloween.   Mom invited me over and I managed to snap a few pictures of her, using my Polaroid Instamatic.   Mom was babysitting Ashley and Lauren.   It’s fun to have kids around for Halloween.

The Beginnings – Part 120:  

 PALOMA, “WILL YOU CHANGE MY DIAPER?”

October 31, 1983

A few people wore Halloween costumes to work.  Some of them looked rather stunning.   Rose Rodarte dressed as a nun.   That was hilarious.   Juanita dressed as a ‘little girl’ with a giant lollipop.   Barbara was a ‘lady of the evening’ and Salima dressed as a ‘homeless bum’.   It got me into the mood to go out for one more Halloween bash tonight.

Rose said, “You know Michael…you have a lot of spunk to want to go out.”

I laughed.   I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use the word spunk to describe me.     

 

I tried calling Tammy because I thought we’d have a fun time together.

Tammy said, “Oh Michael, I promised to give out candy tonight with my sister.”

I called Nici Maurino and she was ‘free’.   We decided to go to a nightclub in San Francisco.  It was great because we danced to a few tunes together but we played it openly by having the freedom to dance with others. 

PHOTO:  Ann Turkel 

The most interesting girl I met on this Halloween night was Paloma Guerra from France.

“I live in Berkeley,” she said.

I loved her French/English accent.   It was a turn-on.   She was so sweet.   I was dressed as a baby in a diaper for Halloween with a blanket, teddy bear, etc.   I gave Paloma my strawberry-vanilla sucker (lollipop).    Paloma has auburn colored hair and green eyes.   What a combination.

While dancing with Paloma I said, “You know, you look a lot like that model named Ann Turkel.”

I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was talking about.   We kept dancing.  The music inspired me.   She was dressed as a sexy cave girl. 

“Are you supposed to be Tarzan’s Jane?” I asked.

She laughed and I said, “I knew I should have come here dressed as Tarzan.”

 

I also saw and spoke to Steve Mooney.   I remembered him from my sixth-grade class with Mr. Livermore at LINCOLN SCHOOL.   He remembered me, too. He looked good and was dressed as a California Highway Patrolman.   He looked like the guy from that CHIPS TV-show with lighter blond hair.    He was nice and commended my bravery for my costume (as did many others).  

I remember asking Paloma, “Will you change my diaper?”

She really laughed at that question.

I didn’t win the five-hundred dollar grand prize for Best Costume though.   The other fascinating costumes included Gumby, an upside-down man with a penis, a tree, a Christmas Tree, lips and the creativity went on and on.   It was an amusing night of fun.   Nici and I had a great time.   Nici was dressed as an Indian girl (Native American).   She was helpful with my baby costume.   She had a big diaper pi and a baby bottle.   They came in handy as my props.   I think I looked cute.

Nici said, “A lot of the girls thought you were cute.   They told me.”

I liked getting that inside information.   Nici and I made a tentative date for hors d'oeuvres on Friday night.   We’ll see if that happens.   I was in bed at 2:30AM.   I was just glad to have acquired Paloma’s telephone number.   I didn’t have a pen but I managed to memorize it:  524-4562.   I can’t wait to call her.   

Music brings me clarity.

...maybe I need music to shed my distractions and better understand the visions I've been having.

-KYLE-XY, TV series

Season II

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The Beginnings - Part 119: THE BIG CHILL

Without honor one does not live, one merely exists.

“Some might say the same about love.”

-Paul Russell

THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings – Part 119:   THE BIG CHILL

October 30, 1983

Sunday

There were occasions when I mentioned George.   Jim did the same but we made a pact to try to NOT mention him.   It’s a closed-case.   The relationship is over.

Jim cooked an excellent breakfast.   We listened to tunes by YAZ and tracks from the CAT PEOPLE movie soundtrack.   I napped.    Jim showered.  

We went to Sun Valley Shopping Mall in Jim’s Trans-Am.   The car has a lot of ‘Vroom’ power.   It was nice.   We had fruit smoothies and browsed at the Chess King store.   We eventually went to Pleasant Hill to see the movie THE BIG CHILL.   It was one of those ‘make you think’ flicks about the past, present and future.   We enjoyed it.

Our next phase of the ‘big chill’ Sunday was Jim’s homemade lasagna at his pad with C.J. and Eddie.   They’re a couple of Jim’s friends.   It was a nice evening.   I left by 10:30PM.

Jim and I shared a lot of good times over the weekend.   I am still leery about beginning an extensive relationship with another fellow (so soon after the haunting experience of George Jones).   Something is missing.

I want to see where things will lead with Vicki Perata.   Perhaps I should give Tammy another chance as we shall see where we stand tomorrow night.   This sums up my Halloween weekend.   Although, tomorrow is the actual Halloween.   Who knows what new pumpkins and goblins will come my way?

“I happen to know this crazy, weird technique with the vagina…”

-Ethan Hawke

As heard while watching the 2009 film

NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU

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The Beginnings - Part 118: A ROMAN GLADIATOR

“No noble and exalted life exists,” he once said, “without knowledge of devils and demons, and without continual struggle against them.”

-Hermann Hesse,

The Glass Bead Game, a novel

Twenty-five years ago today, 

Oct. 29, 1987:

Photo Collage from the Halloween Party at my gym, 

24 Hour Nautilus, San Leandro.

Anne Alberti, dancing as a cave girl with a cone head.

Anne, me 'as the ghost' with Safari hat, unknown chap with hat and Lorraine Garcia.

Lower Right: Patty and Stuart Western.

The Beginnings – Part 118:  

A ROMAN GLADIATOR

October 29, 1983

It was 7:30AM and I decided to phone Jim in Martinez.   We had a good talk.   He wakes up early, so it was no problem.

“Guess what?”  Jim asked.

“What?”

“I rented a Roman Gladiator costume for you.”

I thought that was nice of him.   It should be fun going to Walnut Creek with him.   We also have dinner planned on Sunday:  Homemade lasagna.  Yum. 

At 9AM I spoke with mom and invited myself over for breakfast.   I told her about my plans to attend a Halloween Party in Walnut Creek.

At 9:20AM Helen telephoned.   We may go bike riding around Lake Merritt today.

At 9:40AM Tammy telephoned.   I explained the latest current events in my life and I boosted her ego.   I spoke about ‘The End of George’, Jim’s Halloween party and how gorgeous she looked outside of HMS last night.    I am very much ‘in like’ with Jim, Vicki and Tammy right now.

I went for that bike ride with Helen.   We cruised all around Lake Merritt.   It was a neat feeling as we took a break and walked through the chrysanthemum show.   We both ate sweet tangerines under a tree.   After the ride we went to Helen’s mom where we sipped Amaretto coffee and ate hot apple turnovers.   We lounged around, watching a stupid Bruce Lee flick and The Bowery Boys.   I left on my bike and was home quickly.

After a quick shower I ate dinner at mom’s house and took a brief nap.  

Eventually, I was driving to Martinez to see Jim.   I checked out the Roman Gladiator costume and actually looked half-way decent as a Roman Gladiator.   Who would have guesses?   I paid him twenty-five dollars for going to the trouble.   I thought Jim was living in a very nice house in the Martinez suburbs.   I was kind of in awe at the sight of a poster of Jon Erik-Hexum, the actor.   

Jim dressed up as a punk rocker with Rod Stewart spiked hair with a bright lime green streak.   We left for THE HUB together.   There were a lot of amusing costumes:  Lucille Ball, Chesterfield Cigarettes, three guys dressed as female nurses, and ‘Mel’, a peculiar bunny rabbit.   Jim and I danced the night away, having a good time.  

Photo:  Jon-Erik Hexum Poster 

We attended an after-hours party in Pleasant Hill.   We didn’t stay there for very long.   We watched a bit of the CHIPPENDALES DANCERS in an exercise video on a giant, full-length TV screen.   A few people were giving me ‘the eye’.   I kept close to Jim.   We left for his pad where I made love to him—though not in a climactic sort of way.   He seemed to enjoy it.   It was so late.   I was quite tired.   We were happy that we turned the time back an hour.   It was climactic in the morning as Jim jacked me off to the point of no return.   And of course, Jon Erik’s poster was displayed right there, looking at me.   That was too much.  Ha-ha.   Jim is fun.

“Manual release, if you please,” he implored.

-Paul Russell

THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

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The Beginnings - Part 117: IN POOR TASTE

“With enough conviction the truth is whatever you say it is.”

-as heard while watching the 2011-2012 series

THE KILLING, Season I

The Beginnings – Part 117:   IN POOR TASTE

Jim spent the night with me.   I think he’s very nice.  I am attracted to him.  There’s only one thing I don’t particularly like.   He’s into that ‘popper’ aroma stuff.   I find that gory.   Yuck!  

We actually spent a nice night together.   I went down on him.   He did the same for me (though I didn’t cum).   I was too uncomfortable.   It’s too early in our so-called introduction phase.

George was, of course, on my mind; however, not as much as before.   Now that I have met Jim and Vicki I have new minds to meander.  

I telephoned Jim during my first break today.   He had left my pad at around ten o’clock this morning.

He was happy when I accepted his invitation.

“Yes, I will come to your Halloween party this Saturday at THE HUB.”

THE HUB is a local gay bar in Walnut Creek.  I just hope I don't feel to uncomfortable.  Sometimes these local gay bars give me the creeps.

Sue, my supervisor, had good news for me.

“Michael, don’t worry about the incident.   It’s still being checked on but I’m sure it will be fine.”

And so, I am not worrying.  I’m sure she felt I was telling the truth.  I will just continue to feel open-minded and not guilty.  After all, I am supposed to be presumed innocent unless the evidence is overwhelming.

After my work day I went to mom’s house for that green, scary looking mask and some white sheets to set-up my mysterious costume.   I don’t want to be recognized to I am scratching the football player costume idea.  

My costume disguise did surprise some people.   They didn’t know who I could be.   I’m glad I went because I needed to understand what was going on with my fading relationship with George.    George was there but he seemed to avoid me.  

Finally, George confronted me and asked, “How are you?   What are you up to?”

It was as if everything was clean and normal between the two of us.  

I replied nonchalantly, “Oh…a lot of things are going on right now.   Did you ever get that job in San Francisco?”
“Yes, I may be starting as early as next week.   That’s why I’ve been in Millbrae and San Francisco the last few days.”

Was that supposed to be his defense about being in the Millbrae home of the mysterious James West?   This was about the jest of our conversation.   He left the party without another word to me.   This was fine in my book.   I pretty much summed up the whole picture.

I also spoke to George’s friend, Kevin, a bit later.

I asked pointedly, “Is George seeing someone else?”

“Yes…but it was done in poor taste with the way he presented it to you.   It’s only because he still does care a lot about you.  I think he still likes you.”

I nodded without a remark.   I guess George could have told me but Kevin woke me up to the fact that it was too hard for him to do so.    As far as I’m concerned it is ‘later days’ for Mr. George.   I guess we can remain friends (period).   I’m not so sure if I want that either.  

Jim confided in me at the party.

“You know, Mike…Kevin told me that George is the type that would see three people at the same time.”

I said, “I guess he likes variety…like me—but that’s getting a bit out-of-hand!”

During the party I found myself talking to a blond chap named Don.

Don said, “I’m leaving this place to go to HMS next.”

I knew HMS was a gay club in San Jose.   I also knew he told me in hopes that I would meet him there.   I know he probably wanted me to unzip his pants.  And so, I took him up on his hint.   I arrived at HMS at about 12:45AM.  

Don waved at me.  That was the end of Don.

I suddenly noticed Steve.   Steve is the roommate of Scott, George’s ex-manager at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS.   I eventually found myself dancing with Steve.   We talked and I explained about my situation with George.

Steve made a sound suggestion.

“I don’t think you should prolong, pursue or bug George anymore.  You can easily find someone else.”

“I guess so.”

Talking to Steve was comforting.   I began to feel as though he was—in fact—attracted to me.  He was playful and he touched me as we danced.

As I walked out of the club I was surprised to see a familiar face.   It was Tammy.   She was with Jeff.   Tammy and I were buzzed with a bit of alcohol and we became ecstatic about the surprise fated rendezvous.   We kissed.   We talked for a good fifteen minutes.   It was late and it was time to go.

“Tammy, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” as he batted her eyelashes the way she does.

Cautiously, I slid my arm across the armrest till it touched him.   The slight pressure I exerted was returned.   For several exciting minutes we sent furtive tactile signals back and forth.   But what did they mean?   Did I dare expand upon my presumption, however slight?   Was he conscious of intent, or was it all simply reflexive playfulness on his part, like good-natured jostling in the courtyard?

-Paul Russell

THE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

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