-Michael J Armijo
PHILOSOPHICAL STATEMENTS
In Catholic school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was ‘OKAY’ to express the Truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.
Getting a Hairdryer through Customs
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course child, what may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your Robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next please!”
Twenty-five years ago today:
May 14, 1987
Thursday
It was payday today. The $597 new pay was nothing to write mom about though.
Suzy Miller telephoned.
“I think I’m going to move again. I might want to take you up on your offer to move in with you at your townhouse.”
“You should do what feels right to you.”
“Could I come over this Saturday? I just want to look at your place again.”
“Of course you can. Where is your brother, Mike, these days?”
“Oh, he’s in Sacramento.”
If Suzy moves in with me it will give me an additional three-hundred dollars a month. It would allow for some monetary ‘breathing room’. I’m all for it.
Eileen wrote me a letter. It confirms what I already knew. She is a mere child. I couldn’t believe her statement about our NOT HAVING ANY MEMORIES. She is too much. I’m sure she’s wondering about how I shall respond now. She also acted so surprised at how I referred to her as ‘my girlfriend’. Give me a break! She’s the one who implanted that notion into my head. I really don’t have time for her silly little games. I say, “Later for that broad!”
I called Danny Garcia at his hairdresser work number.
“Can you come over to my shop at 8:30 tonight?” Danny asked.
“Okay.”
Danny is in somewhat of a predicament. They sold his apartment building and it will soon become condominiums.
Danny said, “Laurie and I have to move out soon. We have only three days to be out of there!”
My brother, Tony, came over to visit my new office at Pac Bell Directory. I introduced him to Carla and Nikki.
I advised Tony, “Well now, I think I should come over to visit your office next.”
I didn’t make the time to visit his office today but I may do that tomorrow. It’s only a block away.
My Dad called me, so I went to visit him.
“I’m sorry about last Sunday. You were right about parking in front of the Ida Tawasha house. It’s a public street.”
Dad was loving and said, “You know, I love you, Mike.”
I noticed he’d had a couple of beers. I believed his words though. I love him, too.
Johnny phoned from L.A., leaving a message on my recorder while I was on my visit to Danny in Alamo.
I measured the distance and it was thirty miles from Alameda to Alamo. When I configure the going and the return this means I biked a full sixty miles! That’s pretty good. Danny was cutting someone’s hair when I arrived. When he was finished we went to that New Mexican Restaurant. Danny’s cohorts from work tagged along. We drank margaritas, gabbing and laughing at the way some of the people were dancing. It was a pleasant evening. I drove straight to mom and dad’s house afterward.
I let Carla borrow sixty dollars from me today. She went to the bank exchange and her purse was stolen. She had to get new keys, etc. What a pain! She was meeting a locksmith at her house after work.
“Michael, I even had my telephone number disconnected.”
She seems to be such a risk as far as a small loan; however, it was payday. I have a heart. She says she will repay me my sixty dollars as well as treat me to lunch (because I treated her to lunch today). For some reason I doubt the lunch treat will be reciprocated.
Danny, his coworker, Laurie, and I may all be going to Los Angeles on the last weekend of this month. We’ll see if that happens.
I keep thinking of Eileen and her written comments and reasoning. How do I come back with a good reply? She burns me up! I refuse to dwell on it. She’s such a flake. We learn from the foolish mistakes we make.
‘No memories’ she wrote…give me a break! What about our French kisses?
Perhaps now I will make it a point to erase her from my memory!
Anthropologically at least, a kiss on the mouth, especially with all the plunging of tongues and the exchanging of saliva, is another form of intercourse, and it’s not surprising that it should make the mind and body surge with gorgeous sensations.
-Diane Ackerman
A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES
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