-David Sedaris
ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY
Twenty-five years ago today:
June 30, 1987
Tuesday
Carla returned to work after two weeks of suspension.
I had the greatest lunch with Julie Roth. It was wild to realize that I’ve known her since sixth grade. We had a good time. We may meet up after work one night when I return from my trip to Hawaii. She looked good.
Mom, Ashley and I went to NATIONS Burgers after work.
I swung Ashley upside down later in the evening. She was having fun until I accidentally stepped on her hair. Oops. Ouch. We still had a good time. We watched the Daytime EMMY Awards.
I telephoned Rachelle. She hung up on me. Then she called me back.
I had been talking up a storm and she said, “OH! I thought you were Joe Smith.”
How upsetting. Who in the heck is Joe Smith?
“I’m sorry,” Rachelle continued, “Could you call me tomorrow…because you did call rather late again.”
I thought, “Give me a break. Grow up!”
A part of him wondered if he’d made a mistake sidestepping a night of mindless sex, if only because it carried no investment.
-Olen Steinhauer
THE NEAREST EXIT
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